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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Best To Nip(ple) That One In The Bud

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(A customer has asked me for five kilos of pork belly, in large pieces, but she has rejected every piece I’ve shown her, after looking at the underside of it. Note that pork belly comes with the skin on.)

Me: *after another refusal* “May I ask wh—”

Customer: “They have nipples!”

Me: *looking at the tiny nipples on the skin side* “Uh… yes?”

Customer: “I don’t want it with nipples!”

Me: “It’s pork belly. That’s… where the nipples are.”

Customer: “I need it without nipples.”

Me: “I can have the butcher remove the skin for you…”

Customer: “NO. I’ll still know they were there.”

Me: “Okay, so… what would you like?”

Customer: “Don’t you have any without nipples?”

Me: “All mammals have nipples, ma’am.”

(She didn’t buy any pork belly.)

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A Catalog Of Errors

| Christchurch, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(A customer comes in with an old catalogue and discovers the item he wants is no longer that price.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, that catalogue ended three-days ago. See the start and end dates on the front?

Customer: “I don’t give a f*** about where you’ve got dates. The price is in writing so you have to honour it! I know my rights!”

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No MO Delivery

| MO, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geography

Me: “Thank you for calling [Pizza Place]. Delivery or carry-out today?”

Caller: “Where are you located?”

Me: “We’re on [Street] near [Intersection].”

Caller: “No I mean WHERE are you located? Like, are you in Missouri?”

Me: “Uh… Yes, we are.”

Caller: “Are you next to a [Fast Food Chain with thousands of locations nationwide]?”

Me: “We’re across the street from a [Fast Food Chain].”

Caller: “Okay, you’re who I need. I want a pizza delivered to [Street I’ve never heard of].”

Me: “That address doesn’t seem to be in our area. What’s the zip code so I can look that up for you?”

Caller: “[Zip code I don’t recognize].”

Me: “I’m not sure where that is. What city are you in?”

Caller: “How do you not know that? It’s [City], Florida!”

Me: “Sir… I’m in Missouri.”

Caller: “THAT’S WHAT I ASKED YOU BEFORE!”

Me: “And I said yes.”

Caller: “So, you don’t deliver here?”

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Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 5

| Belleville, WI, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Money

(I work for a company that sells sturdy, high-quality clothing for outdoor and physically-intensive activities. The prices tend to be higher than your average big-box clothing, but the quality and durability is such that most people are glad to pay a little extra for something they know is dependable. We are having one of our biggest sales. I’m taking catalog orders over the phone.)

Caller: “I want the [Popular Jacket, which is currently 50% off]. That should be $35.50 today, is that right?”

Me: “It’s coming up as $39.95. Let me double-check that.”

Caller: *already irate* “It’s half off, that makes it $35.95! I got the email about it this morning!”

Me: “I just checked. Normal price is $79.90, so 50% off is $39.95.”

Caller: “50% off is $35.50! What the hell kind of con game are you playing?!”

Me: “Umm, no. Half of $79.90 is $39.95. I just ran it through my calculator.”

Caller: “Hrmph. Fine, I’ll take that price. What’s my total?”

Me: *punching up the total* “After shipping, that comes to $49.90. How would you like to pay for that today?”

Caller: “WHAT?! There’s supposed to be free shipping! It’s right on your website; it says ‘free shipping for orders of $75 or more.’ I ain’t paying no $10 for shipping!”

Me: “Are there other items you’d like to order? Maybe we can bring this order up to where it quail—”

Caller: “No. This is all I’m getting. And you are waiving the shipping for me. I’m a first-time customer, and you’re gonna lose me if you don’t get rid of that shipping charge right now.”

Me: “I don’t have the authority to make that decision. Would it be all right if I put you on hold for just one minute while I ask my supervisor for permission to do that?”

Caller: “You ask whomever you need to, but I am not paying that shipping!

(I put the customer on hold and call the Assist line, which is essentially a group of supervisors there to answer questions when any call center agents need help.)

Assist: “Assist, this is [Supervisor].”

Me: “Hi, I have a customer on the line who wants me to waive shipping on a $39.95 order.”

Assist: “What all is on the order?”

Me: “Just [Popular Jacket]?”

Assist: “That’s already on a pretty steep discount. How’s their order history? Are they a regular customer?”

Me: “First time. And frankly, he’s being kind of combative about it.”

Assist: “No. He’s saving $40. We’re not waiving shipping.”

Me: “I thought so, but he was arguing enough that I kind of wanted backup.”

Assist: “Understandable. And I’m definitely backing you up. Tell him you don’t have permission. We’re already giving him 50% off; we’re not going lower than that.”

(I can almost hear the unspoken “we don’t need customers that petty” in her tone. I go back to my caller and tactfully explain that I did not get permission to waive the shipping fee.)

Caller: “Fine. You’re company is a bunch of greedy scam artists. I’ll just wait for it to go lower. Cancel the order. Goodbye!”

Me: *thinking to myself* “This is the lowest I’ve ever seen it go, and we’re selling out of things left and right. You’re going to be waiting a long time, buster! And you just gave up a $40 discount over $9.95.”

Related:
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 4
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability ToDiscount, Part 3
Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 2

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Failed In The Delivery

| AB, Canada | Crazy Requests

(I’m selling an old set of rims online and receive a message about them.)

Potential Buyer: “Hi, are these still available?”

Me: “Yes, they certainly are!”

Potential Buyer: “Would you consider dropping the price a bit?”

Me: “Well, since they’re used, I’ll accept a reasonable offer.”

Potential Buyer: “Great! Would you accept [$100 less than asking price]? Oh, and could you deliver to [City five hour drive away]?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but gas alone to get there and back will be about $150. I can accept that offer on the condition you pay for the travel, since it’s very out of my way and inconvenient.”

Potential Buyer: “That’s ridiculous! I’m not paying for your gas! This is horrible customer service! Why won’t you deliver for free?!”

Me: “Um, wow. Okay, well, in that case I’m going to refuse you service. Good luck in your search. Please don’t message me again.”

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