Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Lychee Nailing Jelly To The Wall

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A customer walks in to our boba shop and wants to order a slushy.)

Cashier: “Your drink comes with two free toppings and they are lychee jelly and tapioca. Would you like that in your drink or would you like to change it?”

Customer: “I want the boba; how much is it?”

Cashier: “So no lychee jelly, just boba? All right, that would be $3.50.”

(The customer pays and waits for the drink. The order is ready and the customer picks it up.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what happened to the lychee jelly?”

Cashier: “You said you don’t want it so we didn’t put it in.”

Customer: “No, I mean what did you do with it since I didn’t want it?”

Cashier: *wants to say “I ate it” but can’t* “The lychee jelly is usually chilling in the fridge.”

Customer: *looking worried and upset* “Tell me the truth; you guys must have done something to it since I turned it down!”

(Really, the toppings you don’t want will stay out of your cup and be cool in the fridge. In the whole process, no toppings were mistreated or harmed.)

When Your Customer Is A Very Heavy Smoker

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, do you have smoke bombs to get rid of animals indoors?”

Me: “Yes, we do carry smoke bombs, but the only ones we have are for outside; you light the bomb and put it in the burrow or the hole the animal’s living in and the smoke drives them out.”

Customer: “Why wouldn’t that work indoors?”

Me: “They’re really not designed to be set off anywhere but outside…”

Customer: “But I just need to get rid of some animals in a little crevice in my house. I could use those smoke bombs for that, right?”

Me: “I really would not advise that.”

Customer: “But why not, though? Can you tell me why it wouldn’t work?”

Me: “Um… let me put my manager on the phone.”

(I put the customer on hold and call my manager over to get him to pick up the phone to help the customer.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

Me: “Would you care to explain to someone why they cannot set off outdoor smoke bombs inside their house?”

Manager: “Oh, you can set smoke bombs off in your house no problem. Just as long as you don’t mind being asphyxiated from the fumes a few minutes later.”

Busy-ness Model

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I am the general manager of a large Irish pub in a city centre. It’s a Saturday night, we have a live band playing, and the pub is extremely busy, I’m standing on the front door with the door man.)

Customer: *walking out of front door* “It’s disgusting. It’s too busy in there.”

Me: “I’m sorry; what is the problem?”

Customer: *getting irate* “It’s too busy; there are too many people and I have to wait to get served.”

Me: “It is a Saturday night and there is a band playing. It’s often this busy.”

Customer: “It’s disgusting. I’m never coming back!”

Me: “I’m sorry that our business model is clearly working.”

Drunk On The Power Of Coupons

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our store weekly has both sales that we mark down and promote, and sales on liquor which are exclusively marked down and handled by the state department of alcohol. Once per week, someone from the department comes in and does the signage for liquor sales. This particular week, a specific brand of coffee brandy is on sale: it was originally $9.79, but is now $6.79.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: *grunts and unloads his basket*

Me: “Right, then…”

(I scan in his items, the last being a bottle of the brandy that’s on sale.)

Me: “All right, your total is—”

(I cut myself off as he literally throws something at me and it hits me in the cheek. I catch it and look at it.)

Customer: “Use that.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t. You see–”

Customer: “Are you deaf? Use that coupon!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t use this. It’s not a coupon.”

Customer: “What, are you blind, too? Just scan it!”

Me: “I can’t scan it. It’s not a coupon. It’s the sales sticker for the brandy you’re buying.”

Customer: *grabs the sticker and turns it around, thrusting it in my face* “See! Right there! $3 off!”

Me: “Right, $3 off of the original price. It’s originally $10 after tax and deposit, but it rang in at $7.”

Customer: “I don’t care what it rang in as! You scan this f****** coupon in!”

Me: “I can’t scan it in. Even if I could, I’d be giving you $10 brandy for $4.”

Customer: “If it ain’t a coupon, what’s this scanner bar for?!”

Me: “For the state liquor agents to scan to update their system and ours, so we don’t have to manually enter in the sale.”

(His face turns bright red and he starts screaming.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you know, you upstart little b****?!”

Me: “I know what a coupon looks like and I know that this particular brand of brandy is disgusting and for classless losers, which is why it’s on sale.”

(He screams at me again and storms out of the store, leaving his groceries and his wallet behind. My manager comes over and I hand her his wallet, ready to be yelled at for what I said to the man.)

Me: “Am I in trouble for talking back to a customer?”

Manager: *laughs* “H***, no! That was the best thing I’ve seen all week. Go put this sign back up and then take your break; you can have an extra five minutes.”

You’re (Human) Being Ridiculous

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

(A customer has been trying on around a dozen of the same brand of orthopaedic sandals, finding something wrong with each pair and driving my coworker up the wall. Finally, she picks a style, but wants a new pair.)

Coworker: “Of course, I can check for a different pair for you, but may I ask what’s wrong with this one?”

Customer: “It has clearly been tried on by other people.

Coworker: “Oh, okay! That makes sense. So, you’d like me to find you a brand new pair, if possible?”

Customer: *completely serious* “No. I want you to find me a pair that has never been touched by human hands, including yours.”

(My flabbergasted coworker went into the back to ‘look,’ aka control her giggles, while I tried in vain to explain that the shoes get touched while being made and packaged. The customer kept insisting that machines did all the work now and there was no excuse for someone touching her sandals. She left with nothing.)

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