Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

A Rock Solid Alternative

| Nanuet, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I’m the manager and am back in the aquatics department writing up the weekly order of fish when a woman and her two young kids approach me:)

Customer: “How long do these fish live?” *she gestures to a tank full of assorted community fish*

Me: “Usually a few years, ma’am, sometimes longer or shorter, depending on the fish.”

Customer: “And these?” *holds up the betta cup she brought over*

Me: “Bettas generally live up to three years. It’s possible for them to live longer, but it’s uncommon.”

Customer: “How old is this one?”

Me: “I don’t have an exact age, but it’s approximately a year. Baby bettas are very plain, so we don’t sell them because you won’t know what color you’re getting.”

Customer: “How long will this one live, then?”

Me: “Given the average lifespan, about 1 to 2 years.”

Customer: “That’s too short. What do you have that doesn’t die.”

Me: “…Excuse me, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want a pet that doesn’t die. What do you have that doesn’t die?”

Me: “Rocks.”

Winging For More

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(It is late morning and I’ve just put out a fresh tray of barbecue wings in our wing bar. A tray holds 30-40 wings, or 4-5 pounds. As I’m walking back behind the counter, this happens:)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

(I turn around and see that the man has taken the entire tray of BBQ wings.)

Me: “Uh… I can make some more. It’ll take 15 or 20 minutes.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

(Feeling annoyed, I fry and sauce another tray’s worth of BBQ wings. When I put the new ones out, the customer again scoops every single one into buckets.)

Customer: “You gonna make any more?”

Me: “How many wings do you need, sir?”

Customer: “I dunno, like 200 or something.”

Me: “Uh… to make that many, it would take me at least 45 minutes, probably an hour.”

Customer: “I’ll wait.”

Me: *screaming bloody murder inside* “Uh, next time, sir, you might want to call us and place your order ahead of time, for your convenience.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. Who has time to do that?!”

Muffins Are Sweeter Than Bagels

, | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’m a manager at a fast food restaurant but I’m currently on register covering a break. An older lady, probably in her 60s or 70s, comes in and sets her purse on the counter. Our egg muffin sandwiches come with ham, egg, and cheese.)

Me: “Good morning! What can I get for ya?”

Customer: “Good morning. I need an egg muffin… on a bagel… with bacon.”

(Since some customers like more than one type of meat on their sandwich I’ve gotten similar request before. Wanting to see if this is the case, I try to clarify:)

Me: “Okay, so you’d like a bacon, egg, and cheese bagel? Do you want ham and bacon on the sandwich or do you want to substitute the bacon for ham?”

Customer: *shaking her head* “No, no, no. I need an egg muffin… with bacon… on a bagel.”

Me: “So you want bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel?”

Customer: *smiling sadly at me* “No that’s not what I want. See, this is why I came inside to order. No one can get my order right in the drive-thru.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m just confused. If you just tell me what you want on the sandwich I’ll ring it up for you and make sure you get it exactly how you want.”

Customer: “I just want an egg muffin on a bagel with bacon.”

(At this point I turn toward the giant menu board behind me and find the BEC Bagel on the menu I point to it looking back at the customer.)

Me: “This is a bagel with bacon, egg, and cheese can you tell me what about this sandwich you’d like to change and I will modify it for you.”

(Customer looks at the menu for the first time since entering the restaurant, seeing where I’m pointing she looks a little surprised.)

Customer: “Oh… Oh, I see… I thought you had to… Um, I guess I’ll have that.”

Me: “No problem, ma’am. Will there be anything else this morning?”

Customer: “Yes, could I also have a coffee with cream and sugar but can I have the packets?”

Me: “Of course! Your total will be [total].”

(As the lady fishes out her money, I turn to pour her coffee and get her cream and sugar packets. When I turn back around her money is sitting on the counter, she has gotten her food, and is putting the bag of food in her purse. I pay her out and give her her change then proceed to hand her her coffee and packets.)

Customer: *gestures at the packets* “Oh, could you put those in for me?”

Me: “So, you want a coffee with cream and sugar on the side but you want me to put the cream and sugar in for you?”

Customer: *looking confused* “No… No. I meant…”

(She begins looking around for something and her eyes come to rest on the food bag still sticking out for her purse. Realizing she wanted me to put the packets in the bag I begin to ask for her to hand me the bag but before I do she scoops up the packets and haphazardly tries to shove them in the food bag some of them falling out into her purse in the process. She then goes to pick up her coffee and leaves, muttering a thanks.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am!”

(I turn to my boss, the store manager, who was behind me the whole time assembling orders.)

Me: “Hey [Boss], could I have an egg muffin with bacon on a bagel?”

Boss: “Sure! And what about some coffee with some cream and sugar on the side but put in?!”

Thankful For Diwali

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | Crazy Requests, Religion, Theme Of The Month

(I work customer service for a large Canadian grocery retailer. This exchange takes place just around Thanksgiving, when we had signs for Diwali and Halloween as well.)

Customer: “Excuse me! What are these signs?”

(She gestures to the purple signs above a display of flower which read ‘Happy Diwali’.)

Me: “Those are signs for Diwali. It’s the Indian Festival of Lights, celebrated by a billion-plus people worldwide.”

Customer: “Take it down.”

Me: “…I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Take it down. I don’t like it. How racist.”

Me: “I assure you the holiday is not racist, as everyone is invited to participate if they would like to, and the deals we have for the holiday are applicable to all customers.”

Customer: “But I don’t get to participate! I don’t like it. I want you to take it down.”

Me: “Well, do you celebrate Thanksgiving?”

Customer: “Yes. But these people are—”

Me: “—These people may not celebrate Thanksgiving, or Halloween, or Christmas, and we are an equal opportunity employer, so we accommodate several cultures and their respective traditions. As well as Diwali, we market for Chinese New Year’s and Eid.

Customer: “You must take this sign down, or I will be calling head office.”

Me: “You can get their number at the customer service desk. Head office sent us these signs. They also wished their Indian employees a Happy Diwali. If you have any other questions, I’ll be happy to help; otherwise, I’m afraid we cannot continue this discussion.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll call them! I’ll be sure to give them your name, too!”

Me: “That’s quite all right with me. My name is [distinctly North Indian name] and I hope you have a happy Thanksgiving. Happy Diwali, as well! “

Annual And Null

| USA | Crazy Requests, Holidays

(It is the Monday after Thanksgiving. A patient calls the office absolutely irate.)

Patient: “I just wanted to tell you I was here last Thursday for my appointment and no one was at the office! What are you going to do about this?!”

Me: “Ma’am, last Thursday was Thanksgiving.”

Patient: “I know that! I gave up time with my family to drive all the way over there to my appointment and you couldn’t even bother to come in! How unprofessional can you be?”

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve NEVER been open on Thanksgiving. Our schedule isn’t even set up to accept appointments on that day.”

Patient: *smugly* “Then how come I have an appointment card for [date]? Hmmm? I’m looking at it right now.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t know. Let me look into this.”

(Puts patient on hold and checks schedule. The next is said in my most sickeningly sweet voice.)

Me: “Ma’am, you’re right. You did have an appointment on [date]—”

Patient: “You see?! How unprofessional!”

Me: “—last year. When we were open. The card you have is over a year old.”

Patient: “Well, how was I supposed to know that?!” *click*

Me: *to the dead phone* “Well, maybe if you’d clean your purse out more than once a year?”