Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Rebutted In Less Than Thirty Seconds

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Time

(I am working the opening shift and our store opens at eight am. After we set up the cash registers, my manager unlocks the doors at exactly eight am. We both stay up the front unpacking new catalogues when an angry customer comes racing up to us.)

Customer: “I demand to see the store manager immediately!”

Manager: “That would be me. How may I help?”

Customer: “You are supposed to open at eight am! Yet you didn’t and I wish to file a complaint!”

(Both my manager and I are in shock, as the clock in the store said eight am and both our watches said the same.)

Manager: “I am sorry, but I do believe we did open at eight am.”

Customer: “No, you f****** didn’t! It was 30 seconds past eight am when you opened! I am in a hurry and do not have the time to wait for you losers to get off your fat a**es and open the store!”

(The customer keeps going on for over half an hour about how we opened 30 seconds past eight am. During this time my manager is trying to listen to her and calm her down while I serve customers who are all watching in disbelief. After I finish serving an elderly customer she approaches the angry customer.)

Elderly Customer: “Excuse me, but how do you know that your watch wasn’t 30 seconds fast?”

By George!

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests, Funny Names

(I work for the phone company as an operator and get this directory assistance call one day.)

Customer: “I would like a number for George [Last Name] in [Town].”

Me: “Under [Last Name] in [Town], I don’t have a listing for a George, but I do have a listing for an Albert [Last Name] and a Brian [Last Name].”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll take George’s number.”

Me: “I don’t have a listing for a George but I do have listings for Albert and Brian.”

Customer: “Then give me George’s number!”

Me: “Okay, which George would you like, Albert or Brian?”

Customer: “…”

Reading The Situation Incorrectly

| NJ, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

(I’m a supervisor at a well-known theme park. I am working the front gate where we open our gates 10 minutes earlier for anyone with a season pass. A guest walks up to me right when the day ticket line has let in their first guests).

Customer: “I don’t think it’s fair that those lines got in 10 minutes early just because I was in the line for regular tickets. I don’t have season passes but we all spent money to get in. You should’ve opened them all at the same time!”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way but we do advertise the early entry time as one of the perks of buying a season pass, so it wouldn’t be fair to all the pass holders in those lines if we did that.”

Customer: “Then you should’ve told us that!”

Me: “Well, the way we differentiate the lines is by the signs for day tickets or for season passes.”

Customer: “The signs are useless! Who reads anymore!? I read while I’m driving and that’s it! I don’t need to be reading when I’m walking or any other time!”

Me: “I do apologize you feel that way but unfortunately that’s our method here, due to the large volume of people we can get.”

(Then they walked off… with kids in tow.)

Stopping The Presses Is No Sweat-Er

| Santa Ana, CA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests

(I’m a page designer at a community paper in Southern California and work a later shift than the reporters and editors. Around 10 pm one night the phone rings.)

Me: “Hi, [Newspaper]. Can I help you?”

Woman: “I hope so. This is terrible.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Woman: “You published a story about me today. I don’t like the photo.”

Me: “Okay… Which story was this?”

Woman: “It’s the one about [describes her job].”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know that one. I designed that page.”

(I call up the page from our PDF archive and I’m relieved I didn’t crop the photo wrongly. In fact, there’s nothing wrong with the photo — she’s sitting in a nicely decorated and furnished living room.)

Me: “Can you tell me what’s wrong with the photo? I’m looking at it and it looks OK to me.”

Woman: “I don’t like the sweater I’m wearing.”

Me: “The sweater?”

Woman: “Yes, I bought a new one for the interview and photo but I forgot to put it on.”

Me: “…”

Woman: “Can you do something about it?”

Me: “Um, not really. The paper’s been printed and it’s online so basically that’s it.”

Woman: “You mean you can’t take another photo of me in the new sweater and publish the story again?”

Me: *I literally did not know what to say at this point* “Er… no.”

Woman: “Oh.” *hangs up*

Taking A Price Hike Strike

| UK | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Money

(I work for one of the major energy suppliers in the UK, in the department that deals with accounts that have not been paid for at least 18 months and are in the process of being taken to court for a warrant. When the energy prices surged, we got a lot of customers calling to complain about it, understandably so, but some customer’s tried to use this to their advantage.)

Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling to say I won’t be paying my bill.”

Me: “Unfortunately you will have to pay it. If you cannot pay it all in one go, I can talk you through various payment plans.”

Customer: “Nope. I’m not paying. You’re charging me too much. I’ve been watching TV. Watchdogs are investigating you lot for charging more than you need to, jacking up your prices too quickly, and not putting them down. I’m not paying these inflated prices!”

Me: “Let me check your account a moment.”

(I check the customer’s account. The price rises happened a few months ago, but the customer hasn’t been paying for about eighteen months. Also, he’s on a fixed price plan which means that his tariff will stay the same even if the energy prices go up and down. I also note his plan should have expired six months ago but due to a system glitch, it has kept him on this low plan.)

Me: “Sir, it appears you have been unaffected by the price increase. You have been on a fixed price plan, which, due to a technical error on our end, has kept you on it six months longer than it should have. As this was our error we will keep the bill at the rate it has been charged up to today, but you must make arrangements for this balance.”

Customer: “But if I’m on the low plan why is my bill so high? It’s £1000!”

Me: “That’s not just one bill, it’s six. You haven’t been paying us anything.”

Customer: “But £1000 is extortion! You must be charging it at the jacked up rate!”

Me: “What kind of home do you have? Is it a flat or a house?”

Customer: “House. Three bedroom.”

Me: “And who lives there with you?”

Customer: “My wife and our two kids.”

Me: “Well, your average monthly usage over those 18 months is about £55 which is excellent for a family of five in a three-bed house. It’s lower than the national average.”

Customer: “But the bill says £1000, not £55.”

Me: “Yes, but that is 18 months worth of bills. it’s six quarters. Six bills. If you divide £1000 by the 18 months it is for, you get £55. That’s your average. You haven’t cleared any of the balance so it keeps going up and up. Now, would you like to discuss any payment plans?”

Customer: “No! I’m not paying! This is too high. It’s too much. You jacked up your prices and in protest, I am not paying.”

Me: “I just explained you have been unaffected by the price changes.”

Customer: “So? It’s the principle of the thing. You can’t just hike up prices and expect people to pay them. I won’t pay in protest.”

Me: “Would you at least consider paying the bills that came out before the price increase?”

Customer: “Nope. I won’t pay you a penny until you lower your prices.”

Me: “This is going to court for a warrant in a few months. If you do not resolve your account before then, the warrant allows them to come into your property and fit you a prepayment meter to control the debt.”

Customer: “When is the court date?”

(I give the customer the court date on the system.)

Customer: “Good, I’ll go to the court and explain to the judge.”

Me: “The judge will not accept you are protesting price increases that you have not been affected by, or that you are refusing to pay bills that have been outstanding way before these price increases. If it goes to court, fees will be added to your account – these can be up to £300.”

Customer: “Don’t worry, the judge will take my side. They know what crooks you all are. By the end, you’ll have wiped off all my debt and be paying me money.”

Me: “The judge will not find in your favour because as I said you have been unaffected by the energy price changes, and even if they did, you’d still be expected to pay for the energy you used before the price increase.”

Customer: “We’ll see about that.”  *hangs up*

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