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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Send Him A Copy Of ‘The Scarlet Letter’

| Pleasant Hill, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I work at a bookstore, and there’s a hotel just down the road. I’m standing at the info desk. My manager happens to be standing next to me during this call, helping another customer.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bookstore]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, I need you to call this number and send them to my room.”

(I’m confused, and think that maybe he has the wrong number.)

Me: “Uh, sir, this is a bookstore. Is there a book in particular that you’re looking for?”

Customer: “No, I want you to call [obviously not a legal name], and send them to room [number] at the [Hotel].”

Me: *face-palm* “Sir, I refuse to do that.”

Customer: *voice rising* “What kind of customer service is this?! Look, just make the call so that the number isn’t affiliated with me at all. It will take a minute, tops.”

Me: “No, sir, we don’t do that for our customers, let alone people who don’t shop with us.”

(The manager gives me a stern glance at my tone.)

Customer: “Then put someone on the phone who will!”

Me: “Sir, I will not call a prostitute to your room!”

(My manager jumps and both he and the customer stare at me.)

Me: “Nor will anyone else here, sir. Do not call this number again!”

(I hang up on him.)

Manager: “Normally I’d write you up for talking to someone like that but…” *shakes his head* “What’s the hotel and room number?”

(I give it to him. He then shares the information over the walkie-talkies to the rest of the evening crew and tells them that under no circumstances are we to do anything requested from that location.)

A Mite-y Big Problem

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I work in an animal hospital as a receptionist, and answer a phone call.)

Me: “[Veterinary Hospital]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I came there a few years ago with my cat. I also have pet rats and I think I got mites from them. I have lots of bites on me and my skin is very itchy. My dermatologist told me to bring a sample of the bugs to a vet to have them looked at under a high powered microscope.”

(I really wish I could say no humans ever came to us or called us wanting to be treated, and that this man was the first, but I sadly cannot.)

Me: “Oh, umm… well, sir, firstly, we do not treat humans—”

Customer: “I know! I don’t want you to TREAT me. I just want you to look at the mites under a high powered microscope and tell me what kind they are so my dermatologist can treat me!”

Me: “I understand sir, but the veterinarian won’t—”

Customer: “Yes, I know. I just need you to look at them under—”

Me: “I know, sir. But the vet doesn’t treat or research for humans in any way.”

Customer: “But I got them from my pet rats.”

Me: “I understand. But regardless of where you believe they came from, the vet will not look at them. Animal mites do not remain on humans. And your dermatologist would not send you to a vet, because he or she knows vets do not see humans, and he or she should have the means to look at your mites or send them out to be looked at.”

(This goes on for several minutes, and to get him to hang up, I say I’ll give his name and number to the vet, but tell him not to expect a call because she doesn’t work with people. Fast forward to six hours later, when we’re half an hour past closing time, but cannot lock the doors yet because the last appointment is still in the building. A greasy looking man walks in, clothes dirty and disheveled, and he smells faintly of alcohol.)

Customer: “I called earlier to have the doctor look at my mites with a high powered microscope.”

Me: “Yes sir, you spoke to me. I told you not to come in, and that we won’t look at the mites. And we closed half an hour ago so there’s nothing else I can do for you right now.”

Customer: “Is there a school around here where I can use a high powered microscope? Or can you look at the mites for me?”

Me: “No, sir. I don’t know any schools that will allow that, and nor will I look at the mites. I have to ask you to leave, and contact a human doctor.”

(It took a while, but he FINALLY left, still muttering about his pet rats, mites and high powered microscopes.)

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You’ve Got Me In A Box Here…

| Australia | Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hi. I need some tablets. You know the one I got last time? I didn’t come here but it comes in a box.”

Me: “…”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 50

| Charlotte, NC, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I am one of the head tellers in a big multi-state bank, and I hear loud voices in the drive-through where one of our newest tellers is working. I go back there and he hands me a personal check and debit card for the woman in the first lane, who has refused to give him her driver’s license. I ask him to pull the account and since the check is only $300, I allow him to check signatures in lieu of the ID, because it is her check. The customer is yelling at him and is glaring at me through the window, so I go over to do some customer service.)

Me: “Hi, I’m the head teller here. Thank you for your patienc—”

Customer: *cuts me off* “If he won’t give me my money I will just take that check back.”

Me: “Well, ma’am, here at [Bank] we verify IDs to make sure that we are—”

Customer: *again interrupts me, more angry* “I have NEVER been asked for my ID. I go to [Other Branch] all the time.”

Me: “Ah, see, if they know you by name at that branch that is likely why they are willing to bend the rules for you.”

Customer: “What? Is that [Bank] policy?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, in the drive-up any amounts over $100 need two IDs.”

Customer: “JUST GIVE ME BACK MY CHECK. I WILL MOVE MY ACCOUNTS!”

Me: “[Teller] is cashing it out right now. He was able to verify the signatures on it, but you know, if something happened, if someone had – god forbid – taken your purse and had your checks and ID—”

Customer: “WELL, THAT IS MY PROBLEM! JUST GIVE ME MY MONEY.”

(I stare at her flabbergasted and frankly I have no idea what to respond. At that moment the other teller presents me with the funds and she drives off immediately, glaring at both of us the entire time. I look at my new teller and he shrugs.)

Me: “So, if someone takes her purse, we are supposed to give them her money as well?”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 49
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 48
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 47

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Going Off On Those Going Off The Menu

| England, UK | Crazy Requests, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

(This pub restaurant is part of a country-wide chain and each has an identical menu. We therefore only have certain ingredients in our kitchens and never stock ingredients that aren’t on the menu. We also never have extra staff to save money on wages. I am serving a table with four adults and two children.)

Customer: “Hi. I’d like the children’s fish and chips, but could I swap the peas for beans, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry but we don’t have beans. Only garden peas, mushy peas, mixed vegetables which includes cabbage, carrots, and broccoli, or salad.”

Customer: “Oh, well, she doesn’t like green things, so could I have sweetcorn instead?”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have sweetcorn either. Does she like carrots? I could take out the cabbage and broccoli from the mixed vegetables, if that helps.”

Customer: “Hmm. Well are you sure you don’t have baked beans? Isn’t there a tin in the back somewhere that you could get?”

Me: “Very sure. As beans are not currently a menu item at [Chain Restaurant], I’m afraid we don’t stock them at all. Not even one tin.”

Customer: “Well couldn’t one of you just run out and get some? We’d wait.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I’m afraid we couldn’t. Even if we had enough staff for one of us to leave the restaurant, which we don’t, we have to purchase all of our stock from company suppliers.”

Customer: “Well, fine. She’ll have to have the carrots. I still think you could go out and get some beans or sweetcorn, though. It’s not that hard.”

(They all order and finish their main courses. I bring out dessert menus.)

Customer: “So, on the children’s menu I see the pudding options are chocolate brownie, ice cream, or jelly, right?”

Me: “Yes, that’s correct.”

Customer: “Well, could you maybe do some rice pudding for them instead? I can’t see it on the menu but maybe you could just pop out and get a tin?”

Me: *facepalm*

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