Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Fan-Assisted Fear

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I work in a deli in a grocery store. In the bakery department the ovens beep when the timer goes off, much like an oven at home.)

Oven: *beep* *beep* *beep*

(Suddenly there is a loud drawn out scream. The entire section of the store is looking around to see what happened.)

Customer: *at bakery counter* “That beep scared me!”

Clerk: “I’m sorry, sir. They beep when the timer goes off.”

Customer: “You shouldn’t have things that scare people! You need to turn them off!”

Clerk: “There’s no way to turn the beep off, sir. We need it to know when the oven is done.”

Clerk: “There are things that scare black people and things that scare white people and that scared me!”

(The clerk is black and the customer is white.)

Clerk: “Sir, I’m sorry but we aren’t afraid of ovens…”

(The customer storms off muttering to himself.)

A Cent-less Complaint

| NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Popular

Me: “Ma’am, your copay for your prescription is five cents.”

Customer: “You selfish little c***! My copay should be zero! Does it look like I have that kind of money on me!?”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s a nickel. I think you can find one in the cup holder of your car. I’m sorry, but I can’t sell you your prescription without it being paid for.”

Customer: “Well f*** you and this f****** store! I’m calling your management!”

(Two hours later.)

Boss: “We had a complaint about you today. Care to explain?”

Me: “She couldn’t pay for her five cent prescription.”

Boss: *rolling eyes* “Go home.”

Only Wears Blood (Of Christ) Diamonds

| Bradenton, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Religion

Customer: *verbatim – as in the customer actually spoke this way* “Is this diamonds in this earrings is real?”

Me: “Yes, they are.”

Customer: “They isn’t fake? Or created?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “No! I MEAN… is they is made by God? Is they outta the dirt? God’s dirt?”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds, ma’am.”

Customer: “But is they is made by God?! Is they is from the dirt God made?!”

Me: “They are genuine diamonds; from the earth.”

Customer: “GOD’S earth?! I only wear things that is made by God, from the dirt that God created!”

Me: “Well, I can’t tell you for sure that God made these diamonds, or the dirt they came from, but they are as genuine as they get. I don’t know what else to tell you.”

(What I wanted to say was, ‘He sure didn’t make the patent leather and lycra that your outfit is made out of!’)

A Scrambled Sense Of The Law

| ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Technology

(Working for the local cable office we often get questions about services that are connected to TV, but not necessarily a service we provide.)

Customer: “Hi, I was wondering if you guys rent cable descramblers?”

Me: “Oh, do you mean antennas to get over-the-air channels?”

Customer: “No, cable descramblers for the people that want TV stations but don’t want to pay for them.”

Me: “No, ma’am. That’s not how business works. I can either set you up for TV or you can get an antenna.”

Customer: “Well, why can’t I get a descrambler?”

Me: “Because they are illegal, ma’am.”

(The customer went wide eyed and immediately changed the subject.)

Just When You Thought It Would All Be Yankee Doodle Dandy

| Savannah, GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, School

(I’m working the floral counter at a high-end natural foods store. An older woman comes in, well-dressed and with a strong upper class southern accent, and peers at the cut flower display. Note that my accent is quite clearly Bostonian and couldn’t pass for southern even if I tried.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, welcome to [Store]! Can I help you with anything today?”

Customer: “Yes, you can. My daughter is graduating from Georgia Southern. I’m having a party for her tonight, and I need flowers to make an arrangement.”

Me: “Oh, well, congratulations to your daughter! Are there any types of flower or colors in particular you had in mind?”

Customer: *looking affronted* “The Georgia Southern colors, of course!”

Me: *anxious smile* “Um?”

Customer: *as if this is a universally known fact* “Blue and white!”

Me: “Oh, okay! Well, we have quite a lot of lovely options for white, but I’m afraid as for blue we only have these blue hydrangea or this blue thistle.”

Customer: *frowns* “Hmm. Well, what would go with the hydrangea?”

Me: “You know, we just got these peonies in, and they come in an ivory as well as a cream, and they’re really quite stunning the way they open up, and we only have them for—”

Customer: *shocked* “Peonies? Honey, don’t you know those are a YANKEE flower?!”

Me: *speechless*

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