icon_bizarresilly

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

icon_crazyrequests

Stop The Presses! For Five Months!

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I used to work in a small town newspaper. Most everyone would leave earlier in the afternoon and one person would be left to man the phones for an hour or so in the newsroom. This day, I’m the only staff member on hand, and there’s a guy using our microfilm for research. The phone rings.)

Me: “Hello, this is [Newspaper]. Can I help you?”

Lady: “Yes! I am very upset! I just read an article in your paper about the fire that destroyed our house and everything in it is wrong!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that… Can you tell me who wrote the article?”

Lady: “It’s [Name I’ve never heard].”

Me: “Uh… I’m not familiar with that name but…”

Lady: “No, wait, it’s [Reporter].”

Me: “Oh! Yes… he isn’t in the office today, but he should be in tomorrow about seven.”

Lady: “I want this taken care of now! You have no idea what we’ve been through! I just now got around to reading the article and I see all this wrong stuff and it’s like it happened all over again! I want him to rewrite the whole thing!”

Me: *thinking I’ll grab a copy of the paper and re-read the article* “Can you tell me when the article was written?”

Lady: “The fire happened in May!”

Me: “But it’s now October…”

Lady: “So?”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry but that happened five months ago. We’re not going to be able to redo the story.”

Lady: “BUT WHY NOT?! He got EVERYTHING wrong!”

Me: “I understand that, but so much time has passed and—”

Lady: “YOU HAD BETTER D*** WELL REPRINT THIS ARTICLE OR I’M GOING TO SUE! Who’s your editor?”

Me: “It’s [Editor], but she’s going to tell you the same thing.”

(By now the guy at the microfilm machine is watching me with a “WTF?” expression.)

Lady: “I’m going to call her tomorrow! And you’re going to reprint this! You don’t know what I’ve been through!” *hangs up*

(I explain the conversation to the guy at the microfilm.)

Microfilm Guy: “If it was so important, why did she wait five months to read the article?”

Me: “I should have asked her that.”

(When I got to work the next morning my editor asked about the note I left her and then asked the same question. To our knowledge the woman never called back.)

icon_hotels

Karma Is In The Cards

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Popular

(We just had problems with the electricity that is now fixed. Because of the earlier problems, some people are still feeling resentful.)

Guest: *snottily* “So, this so-called perfect hotel always have problems here?”

Me: “No, this is the first time in my working in ten years that we’ve had problems with the lights.”

(He frowns, displeased.)

Guest: “Well, will my key card still work?”

Me: “It should; the key card readers run on battery.”

Guest: *angry now* “Well, I just tried them; why the f*** don’t it work, then?!”

(He flings a key card at me. I pick it up.)

Me: “First of all, there’s a different hotel name on the cards. That’s why it doesn’t work here, SIR.”

(He turned a bright maroon and quickly left.)

icon_crazyrequests

Wish He Would Shut Up Like A Clam

| Hudson Valley, NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(A table of three old men come in and sit, they order, and I go back to the server station. I turn around to find one old man has followed me back.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you? Did you forget something?”

Old Man: “Clams. You got clams?”

Me: “Oh, yes, sir, we have clams in white garlic sauce, or we can do a marinara—”

Old Man: “No. Steamed clams.”

Me: “Uh, no, sorry, we don’t have steamed clams on the menu.”

(Old Man returns to his table, mumbling. As I am about to bring drinks to another table he stops me in the middle of the dining room.)

Old Man: “Let me have a look at the menu again.”

Me: “Certainly, sir, I’ll bring one over to your table in a moment.”

Old Man: “You can just give it to me now.”

Me: “Okay, sir, hold on one moment, I just need to put these drinks down.”

(He stands behind me, sighing, as I serve the drinks. I give him the menu and he doesn’t even open it.)

Old Man: “How about shrimp?”

Me: “Yes, we have shrimp, just like the clams. I’m afraid it’s not steamed though. We can do it grilled or sautéed if you’d like.”

Old Man: “Is the shrimp frozen?”

Me: “Yes, we freeze it, but it’s fresh. Our delivery comes—”

Old Man: “I’ll take it frozen.”

Me: “Uh… it’s uncooked. Do you want it raw?”

Old Man: “You serve RAW shrimp?”

Me: “No, we typically cook it. It’s frozen raw.”

Old Man: “So how do you serve it with the red sauce?”

Me: “Like… a shrimp cocktail?”

Old Man: “Yeah! Exactly.”

Me: “We don’t have shrimp cocktail.”

Old Man: “A seafood place with no shrimp cocktail, unbelievable.”

(He goes back to his table. We’re an Italian place. I bring out their appetizer, wings.)

Old Man: “I don’t get any tartar sauce with that?”

Me: “Uh, what?”

Old Man: “Tartar sauce. I want tartar sauce.”

Me: “We don’t have any fried fish on our menu; we don’t have tartar sauce.”

Old Man: “Well, it ain’t that hard to make. I want some. Go tell the cook if he can’t make me shrimp cocktail or clams he better make some d*** tartar sauce!”

(One of the cooks gives me a hard time, but whips up some tartar sauce, missing some prominent ingredients. After I clean the table I notice the tartar sauce sitting, untouched, behind the man’s glass.)