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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Internet Sandwich Provider

| Austria | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular, Technology

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, I wanted to complain about the cheese sandwiches you delivered. The cheese was old, all glossy, and the spread cheese was dried out and crumply.”

Me: “Erh… ma’am, I think you might have the wrong number. We’re an ISP. Not a catering service.”

Caller: “Oh. Sorry.” *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “Yes, the sandwiches you delivered, they were old. The cheese slices were all glossy and hard, and the spread cheese was dried out!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry for your misfortune with your caterer, but we are still an ISP.”

Caller: “NO!”

Me: “Er… yes, we are. Unless management rolled out another product again and didn’t inform us… those cheese rolls aren’t our fault.”

Caller: “That is the phone number on the invoice!”

Me: “Ma’am. Please. Believe me. This is the wrong number. That’s not our cheese. You can get Internet, cable TV, and landline phone here, but unless you can squeeze it through a cable, it’s not one of our products!”

Caller: *click*

(A few minutes later…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name] speaking.”

Caller: “About those sandwiches…”

Me: “Ma’am! We are still an ISP. Please find the correct number and…”

Caller: “Nooo! It’s the RIGHT number! I called it right! You just pretend you’re not [Caterer]!”

Me: “Ma’am! Please, tell me what you want from me!”

Caller: “I want you to not charge me for those stale sandwiches!”

Me: “Ma’am, I give you my word: we will not charge you for those sandwiches.”

Caller: “Finally!” *click*

(I closed the ticket with a “do not charge for sandwiches” comment, which my superior fully supported when I had to relay the story to him.)

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Efficiency Is Not On The Menu

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in a restaurant with a gourmet pizza menu. The pizza menu is an 8.5×11 sheet of paper, in a fairly small font, front and back. Customers can choose a pizza from the menu, or they can order their own custom pies. I am lucky enough to answer the phone one day…)

Caller: “Hi, what kind of pizza do you have?”

Me: “Our pizza crust is made from locally grown wheat flour and we have an imported gas burning oven. We’ve got a variety of toppings and combinations.”

Caller: “Okay, I need to know what the options are.”

Me: “Not a problem. Our full menu is available online at [Website URL]. ”

Caller: “I really don’t want to look online.”

Me: “Well, sir, there are quite a few options on our menu. If you look at the website—”

Caller: “Can’t you just tell me?”

Me: “You want me to read you the menu over the phone?”

Caller: “Yes.”

(I read the entire pizza menu. Each pizza has the type of sauce, cheese, and toppings. This takes probably five minutes, which is a crazy long time when you work in a restaurant.)

Caller: “Okay.”

Me: “So, do you know which one you’d like?”

Caller: “Those all sound way too complicated. Can I just get a pepperoni pizza, please?”

Me: “Yep…”

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Balls-To-The-Walls Crazy

| Renton, WA, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(It is during the French Open, at my tennis shop. The phone rings.)

Me: “[Shop], how may I help you?”

Customer: *sounds frustrated* “I can’t see the tennis ball!”

Me: Sorry, ma’am, can you elaborate?

Customer: “I’m watching TV on one of those big HD TVs and the TV salesman said I should be able to everything but I still can’t see the ball. It’s so small and blends into the court. I was so upset and just didn’t know who I should call!”

Me: “You are watching the French Open and you can’t see the yellow ball on the clay courts?”

Customer: “Exactly! Is there anything you can do to help? I was so concerned and I didn’t know what to do so I just opened the phone book and you were the only listing under ‘tennis.’”

Me: *trying not to laugh as my boss walks in the shop* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is a local pro shop thousands of miles away from the French Open. We have absolutely no jurisdiction over the size and color of the tournament balls. There’s really nothing I can do.”

Customer: *obviously missing the point* “There aren’t any other colors of balls?”

Me: “We do carry pink Breast Cancer Awareness balls.”

Customer: “No, thank you. I think that would look worse on the TV.”

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Dying To Say That

| USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Time

(I’m waiting to be called for my appointment in my doctor’s office when a man comes in and charges up to the check-in desk.)

Man: “Do you do lab work on site here? I need a test and I can’t wait for it!”

(The receptionist explains that while they collect all manner of samples on site, they send their samples off-site for processing. She ends the conversation with “but we do accept walk-ins and usually have lab results within a day or two.” The man decides this is good enough for him, takes the check-in paperwork, and sits down to fill it out. Not a minute later…)

Man: “I’m really sorry, but I need to eat something or I’m going to pass out. I mean, really, I’m going to pass out if I don’t get some food right now. Can I take this paperwork with me and just come back in an hour or so?”

Receptionist: “You are welcome to take the paperwork with you and come back whenever, but we can’t enter you into our system or put you in the walk-in queue until we have your paperwork and we know you are waiting to be seen. If you want to be seen as soon as possible, please fill out the paperwork now and have a seat to wait to be seen. Our wait isn’t long now, only about 30 minutes.”

Man: “No, I will die on your floor if I don’t eat something right now. Don’t you have a call-back system where I can get in line and just come back when you’re ready for me? All my favorite restaurants do that now… I love it. Can you do that?”

Receptionist: “No, sir, you have to fill out the paperwork now and wait here in the lobby until we call you, or you can make an appointment to be seen later. We have guaranteed appointments starting at 8 am tomorrow, if that would be better for you.”

Man: “No, if you insist that I have to wait, I’ll wait. I just need some tests. 30 minutes isn’t too bad. I might pass out from not eating, but you can revive me if that happens, I guess.”

(Less than five minutes later, the receptionist calls me back for my appointment. As I walk back all I hear is:)

Man: “Now, what kind of scam are you trying to pull here? You said I was next to be seen, and they called someone else back before me!”

(While a hybrid primary and urgent care, I’ve never seen anything like this before at this office, and I raise an eyebrow at the receptionist.)

Receptionist: *quietly* “Word got around to the posh nearby residents that we offer prompt service, and we’ve had an influx of rich people who think they won’t have to wait, no matter when they waltz in.”

(Since I needed a number of tests and whatnot, my appointment takes a while, but I end up leaving around the same time as the impatient man.)

Me: *loudly* “Well, thanks for taking such good care of me at my scheduled appointment time. I’m sure tired after hustling to be on time for my appointment and going through all those tests. I hope I can still find a restaurant open in this big city at 8 pm on a weekday, so I don’t starve before I make the 20 minute commute back to my house!”

(The staff were trying not to laugh behind the desk.)

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He Has A Computer Bug Up His A**

| Inland Empire, CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology, Wild & Unruly

Customer: *slams two broken laptops on counter* “Fix ’em.”

Me: “Um. Okay. What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I don’t know; that’s your job, not mine.”

Me: “Sure thing. Do you happen to have a warranty on these by chance?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Why?”

(At this point, I’m plugging both laptops into the wall under my desk via the chargers the customer has supplied, so I can attempt to boot them up.)

Me: “Well, these appear to be a little bit older. If they are out of warranty, we can work with you on services for rep—”

(The customer begins yanking on the power chords, which are now plugged in under the counter. The “bricks” on the chargers are swinging very close to my face. He yanks hard enough to free both chargers from the wall, and they come inches from smacking me in the face hard.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir, was that necessary?”

Customer: “I’m not paying you to fix my s***, you a**-hole! Fix it or I’m throwing them at you!”

(At this point, management has come over to the counter and asked the customer to leave. He looks right at me.)

Customer: “You want to go outside, buddy?”

Me: “Sir, are you serious?”

(The customer is escorted to the front of the door, detained by loss prevention, and the police are called. The manager comes up to me afterwards.)

Manager: “Did he come in like that? What just happened?”

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