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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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I’ve Just Been Planted Here

| Tucson, AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I’ve been working at my job for about a week now. I’m in the garden section of our store, something I know next to nothing about, and generally only cash people out. This happens while I’m watering the plants before we close down the section.)

Customer: “Miss, can you tell me about the differences between these two types of cacti?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m a recent hire, and I don’t know much about our plants yet.”

Customer: “Well, you’re here, so you need to answer my question.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m still learning this section. I did not expect to be placed here when I was hired, and I’m usually only a cashier.”

Customer: “But I have a question; you have to answer it! You can’t work in a section you don’t know anything about!”

Me: “Well, seeing as how my boss put me here, yes, I can. I really know nothing about the plants. I don’t even know where everything is yet, and I’m only watering tonight because our usual guy called out.”

Customer: “They wouldn’t make you do a job you don’t know! You just don’t want to help me!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can call someone who knows more about these things, but I assure you, I do not.”

Customer: “BUT YOU’RE WATERING! YOU MUST BE A GARDEN EXPERT!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t even be trusted to keep a goldfish alive; I promise you, this is not a normal part of my job.”

Customer: “BUT YOU HAVE TO KNOW! YOU ARE IN THE PLANTS! YOU MUST KNOW ABOUT THEM!”

Me: “Ma’am, honestly, it took me twenty minutes to figure out the hose. I assure you, you do not want my advice on plant-related things.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I saw a rat in the corner; can you get rid of it?”

Me: *thinking nowhere in my job description does it say I am in charge of getting rid of rats* “Ma’am, we’re outdoors. The rat has as much right to be here as we do. If it gets into the store, I’ll be happy to call maintenance, but otherwise, rats are not included in my job.”

(She walked away after that, still muttering about the rat and how I “must know about these things”!)

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Literally Expecting You To Move Mountains

| Haines, AK, USA | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel

(I am picking up a new set of tourists from the docks to take on a walking tour and notice one standing off to one side staring out across the water at a rather impressive mountain range.)

Me: “Pretty great view, huh?”

Tourist: “Well, it WOULD be if you got rid of those mountains.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Tourist: “Seriously, have you spoken to anyone about it? They really block the view.”

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Frozen In A Repetitive Cycle

| USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work in the meat department, and we regularly cut prepackaged meats for customers. An elderly lady walks up and sets something on the counter.)

Me: “What can I do for you, ma’am?”

Customer: “I need these cut in half!”

(She then gestures at what she set on the counter: frozen Cornish game hens.)

Me: “I can thaw those out and cut them in half for you, but it will take a bit of time.”

Customer: “No! I want them cut in half while they’re frozen! I don’t want them thawed!”

(Normally I could do such a thing, and have cut frozen chickens and turkeys in half with a bandsaw. The Cornish game hens, however, are far too small to safely cut with the bandsaw.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but the game hens are too small—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut them in half!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t. They’re frozen—”

Customer: “So use that big saw! I know you cut frozen meat here!” *gestures at the bandsaw*

Me: “Yes, frozen things that are big enough to safely cut. These hens are too s—”

Customer: “Quit being so negative! Just cut the chickens in half!”

Me: “The hens are too small—”

Customer: “Just cut them!”

Me: “I am not cutting my fingers off over a game hen! They’re too small to put on the bandsaw! I can either thaw them and cut them, or you’ll have to take them home whole.”

(The customer took them whole, still grumbling that I was being “negative” and should just cut the hens despite the very serious risk of also cutting my fingers off. A few days later I was told by a manager that she attempted to complain that I wouldn’t help her and had a bad attitude – but he sided with me not cutting my fingers off!)