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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Complaint Compliant

| Lexington, KY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(For years our store’s deli has had meat/cheese slicing available as an on-demand service, with no additional slicing fee. More recently, many customers have been taking advantage of this, getting up to 14 or more pieces sliced at once. To hopefully put a stop to this and to save on labor costs, our corporate offices have decided to change this policy to an ordering system with next-day pickup PLUS a $2 charge per piece. There are several signs posted around our deli explaining the new policy. However we’ve had several customers either not pay attention to these signs or just think we’ll slice their order anyway.)

Customer: “Excuse me, could I get this ham sliced?”

(I apologize to the customer and explain the new rules to him in case he might not have seen the signs.)

Me: “We can still slice you order for you but it won’t be available until tomorrow morning, and there is a two dollar fee.”

Customer: “This is stupid! I live in [Town 20 miles away] and you expect me to come back tomorrow? AND I have to pay two dollars more? What are you going to do about this?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, there’s nothing I CAN do. Corporate is the one that started this new policy, not us. All of this is above my pay grade.”

(The customer grumbles under his breath and storms off. I think that’s the end of it but about ten minutes later I see that the same customer has cornered one of our managers. Later, as I’m about to go on my lunch break I ask the manager what happened.)

Me: *to the manager* “So, I’m guessing that guy bugged the crap out of you about slicing, too?”

Manager: *exasperated sigh* “YES! That was one of the most hard-headed people I’ve ever dealt with…”

(She begins telling me about HER interaction with the customer:)

Customer: “I just spoke with one of your associates. You mean to tell me you won’t slice when I ask anymore?”

Manager: “No, sir. Corporate changed the policy two months ago as a cost-cutting measure.”

Customer: “Well, then, what are you going to do?”

Manager: “We’re doing exactly what corporate told us to do, sir. My associate and I have explained the new rules to you.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand…I’m complaining! I live in [Town] and I shouldn’t have to come back tomorrow!”

Manager: “No, I do understand, sir. You’re not the only one who’s had a problem with the new rules. If you have any questions or complaints, you’ll need to call HQ.”

Customer: “Excuse me, but this is supposed to be customer service and you’re being very rude to me!”

Manager: “Sir, I’m being as nice as I can be in this situation. We cannot slice for you right this minute and we’ve given you alternative options.”

Customer: “You DO understand me, right?… This. Is. A. Complaint!”

Manager: “Sir, as I’ve already explained, this is a corporate issue. If you want to complain, give them a call. There’s nothing more I can do for you at the store level.”

(Apparently, this went in circles a few more time before the customer finally stormed off.)

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Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 9

| UK | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a call centre that focuses on car insurance. At the start of each call we have to “baggage handle” the call, and basically tell the customer how the call is going to go: “just to let you know, this call will take 10-15 minutes and I will need to know [list off info we need].” Most of the time, it still plays like this when I get to certain questions that again, I always tell them I’ll need at the start of the call.)

Me: “And in the last five years, has anyone on the policy had any claims?”

Customer: “Well, I’ve had one…”

Me: “And the date of that?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe two-three years ago?”

Me: “Well, as I said at the start of the call we did need that information. If you have anything in the house that would say what the date was, like info from your current insurer, then I can get on with the quote, but if not then I can’t continue, and you need to phone back when you have it.”

Customer: “Really? They didn’t ask me this last year. Just put in any date around then. I know it was maybe 2013, and possibly in January.”

(The “they didn’t ask me this last year” thing is usually bull****. Most of the time I wouldn’t really be sure, as I’m new to the job and didn’t know anything about car insurance myself until I went through the training course for the job, but this one is CLEARLY bull-s***, but I still say:)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I’m new to the job and don’t know much about how things were processed last year. This is still the info we need now in order to get you an accurate price. Any change can mess up the underwriter’s assessment of the risk and make the price less accurate, so we need to know all that information. Like I said, I can’t do anything for you unless you have that info.”

Customer: “I don’t really have time for this, I have to pick up my kids in a few minutes.” *said when we’re only four or five minutes in*

Me: “That is fair enough if you don’t have time at the minute. Again, all I can suggest is you call back when you have the time and information.”

Customer: *hangs up after a forced cheery goodbye*

(I think this is how drive customers actually expect it to go down:)

Customers: “Hi, I need insurance.”

Me: “Sure thing. You’re price is that low price you wanted, and you’re now insured, without the need for any questioning or the need of your card details. Bye.”

Related:
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 8
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 7
Pre(Car)ious Insurance, Part 6

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A Gluten For Punishment, Part 2

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I am in a sandwich shop waiting in line while the customer ahead of me orders.)

Customer: “Can I get a six-inch gluten free bread?”

Employee: “Sure, no problem. Do you want me to toast the bread before I put the toppings on?” *this is a standard offer for their gluten free bread*

Customer: “Yes.”

Employee: *after toasting* “So what kind of sandwich are you having today?”

Customer: “Scrape off the gluten.”

Employee: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “I can see the gluten. The dark bits. Scrape them off.”

(The employee scrapes off the toasted bits of the bread.)

Customer: “I want [Sandwich].”

Employee: *puts first type of meat on the bread*

Customer: “NO! Ham goes on the other side.”

Employee: *puts ham on the other side and starts putting on salami*

Customer: “No! Salami goes on last!”

(This goes on for each and every single thing the employee puts on the sub. The entire time he’s smiling like she’s the best customer in the world.)

Me: *after she makes her purchase and leaves* “Doesn’t she know it’s all going to the same place anyway? It tastes the same however you put it together.”

Employee: “Yes, it does.”

Me: “How do you put up with customers like that?”

Employee: “She’s a secret shopper. [Nearby branch of the same company] told me she might come by today.”

Related:
A Gluten For Punishment

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Customers Gone ‘Wild’

| DuPont, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Rude & Risque

(I work as a library page in a very small library. We are promoting a book called ‘Wild’ as our “Book of the Year,” and copies of it are displayed throughout the library. The book contains some depictions of the author’s experiences with drug abuse and her sex life.)

Patron: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Hi! Can I help you?”

Patron: “I checked out this book last week, and I can’t believe you people are carrying this.”

Me: “Oh, that’s one of our promot—”

Patron: “Have you read it?”

Me: “Yes, I have.”

Patron: “It’s very inappropriate! I What if some kid decided to check this out? I don’t think you guys should be encouraging such irresponsible behaviors!”

Me: “I’m sorry you didn’t like it, but—”

Patron: *angrily* “I didn’t say I didn’t like it! I just think you should remove the parts with all the sex and the drugs.”

Me: “Oh… Well, I’m sorry that some of the content offended you. But we can’t edit the book.”

Patron: “Why not?”

Me: “It’s already been printed, and we’re not involved in the publishing process. We just put it on the shelves, really.”

Patron: “That’s unacceptable. I need you to edit your books more carefully.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t edit the books once they’ve been published.”

Patron: “So you think this is appropriate?”

Me: *choosing my words carefully* “I don’t really think that kids should be reading it, no, and I understand why you take issue with it, but I think the message of the books outweighs the scenes with the sex and drugs. The point of the book is that the author overcame those mistakes.”

Patron: “I bet you live like she does, don’t you?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Patron: *verbatim* “You’re probably pretty loose, too.”

Me: “…EXCUSE ME?”

(The library is very small and it’s difficult to have any conversations without another staff member overhearing; at this point, another page standing nearby comes around the stacks to intervene.)

Coworker: *to the patron* “Sir, can I help you? Is everything all right?”

Patron: “No. This book is completely inappropriate and your employee seems to think that kind of thing is okay.”

Coworker: “Well, she was correct that we can’t edit the book. We can’t have it removed from the shelves, either. I’m sorry.”

Patron: “This is totally unacceptable! This is a LIBRARY, not an adult bookstore! If you THINK for one second that this okay…!”

Me: *still reeling from the comment about my sex life* “We told you we can’t do anything about the content. What, exactly, do you want to have happen here?”

Patron: “I want you to do your d*** job!”

Me: “Which is…?”

Patron: “Stop promoting promiscuity and drug use!”

Me: “Sir, my job is to put books on the shelf, keep the library clean, and help answer patron questions. The LIBRARY’S job is to provide literature to the community. I guarantee, I’m doing my job, and the library is well within its rights promoting a book which encourages people to OVERCOME their mistakes.”

Patron: “That’s not good enough!”

Coworker: “Sir, you’re making the other patrons uncomfortable. If you’d like to submit a complaint to the people who choose which books we promote, I can give you the phone number and e-mail address for the county library headquarters. There isn’t anything we can do other than that.”

Patron: *sighing dramatically* “Fine, whatever!”

(The patron takes the contact info, angrily paces around the stacks for a little while, and then storms out.)

Me: *to my coworker* “Honestly, I didn’t even like that book.”

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Doesn’t Register How Stupid You’re Being

| Nottingham, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Transportation

(I work in a retail chain selling car parts and accessories. We are often asked by customers to look up parts for their vehicle. The most accurate way to search is using the car’s registration number. One day a customer marches up to me and, without first politely asking for my attention or assistance, he barks his order at me.)

Customer: “I want brake pads for my car.”

Me: *politely* “Sure, can I take your registration number, please?”

Customer: *getting instantly high rate* “Why should I tell you that? I’m not giving you my registration number.”

Me: “It’s the most accurate way of finding out what parts you need. If you’d rather not give me the registration that’s fine I can do a manual search. What car is it?”

Customer: “I’m not telling you what car I have!”

Me: “How am I supposed to tell you what parts you need without telling me what car you have?”

Customer: “You should just know.”

Me: “Sir, with the kindest of respects there are thousands of different vehicles on the road with literally hundreds of thousands of parts available. Even a fully qualified mechanic would first need to look up what parts are required for a particular vehicle and we’re not mechanics here; we just work in a shop. Besides it would be impossible for anybody to tell you what parts are required without first knowing what car it is!”

Customer: “Fine, it’s a Ford.”

Me: “And what model Ford is it?”

Customer: “A blue one.”

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