Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!


Busy-ness Model

| Wales, UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I am the general manager of a large Irish pub in a city centre. It’s a Saturday night, we have a live band playing, and the pub is extremely busy, I’m standing on the front door with the door man.)

Customer: *walking out of front door* “It’s disgusting. It’s too busy in there.”

Me: “I’m sorry; what is the problem?”

Customer: *getting irate* “It’s too busy; there are too many people and I have to wait to get served.”

Me: “It is a Saturday night and there is a band playing. It’s often this busy.”

Customer: “It’s disgusting. I’m never coming back!”

Me: “I’m sorry that our business model is clearly working.”


Drunk On The Power Of Coupons

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(Our store weekly has both sales that we mark down and promote, and sales on liquor which are exclusively marked down and handled by the state department of alcohol. Once per week, someone from the department comes in and does the signage for liquor sales. This particular week, a specific brand of coffee brandy is on sale: it was originally $9.79, but is now $6.79.)

Me: “Hello, sir!”

Customer: *grunts and unloads his basket*

Me: “Right, then…”

(I scan in his items, the last being a bottle of the brandy that’s on sale.)

Me: “All right, your total is—”

(I cut myself off as he literally throws something at me and it hits me in the cheek. I catch it and look at it.)

Customer: “Use that.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t. You see–”

Customer: “Are you deaf? Use that coupon!”

Me: “Sir, I can’t use this. It’s not a coupon.”

Customer: “What, are you blind, too? Just scan it!”

Me: “I can’t scan it. It’s not a coupon. It’s the sales sticker for the brandy you’re buying.”

Customer: *grabs the sticker and turns it around, thrusting it in my face* “See! Right there! $3 off!”

Me: “Right, $3 off of the original price. It’s originally $10 after tax and deposit, but it rang in at $7.”

Customer: “I don’t care what it rang in as! You scan this f****** coupon in!”

Me: “I can’t scan it in. Even if I could, I’d be giving you $10 brandy for $4.”

Customer: “If it ain’t a coupon, what’s this scanner bar for?!”

Me: “For the state liquor agents to scan to update their system and ours, so we don’t have to manually enter in the sale.”

(His face turns bright red and he starts screaming.)

Customer: “What the f*** do you know, you upstart little b****?!”

Me: “I know what a coupon looks like and I know that this particular brand of brandy is disgusting and for classless losers, which is why it’s on sale.”

(He screams at me again and storms out of the store, leaving his groceries and his wallet behind. My manager comes over and I hand her his wallet, ready to be yelled at for what I said to the man.)

Me: “Am I in trouble for talking back to a customer?”

Manager: *laughs* “H***, no! That was the best thing I’ve seen all week. Go put this sign back up and then take your break; you can have an extra five minutes.”


You’re (Human) Being Ridiculous

| BC, Canada | Crazy Requests

(A customer has been trying on around a dozen of the same brand of orthopaedic sandals, finding something wrong with each pair and driving my coworker up the wall. Finally, she picks a style, but wants a new pair.)

Coworker: “Of course, I can check for a different pair for you, but may I ask what’s wrong with this one?”

Customer: “It has clearly been tried on by other people.

Coworker: “Oh, okay! That makes sense. So, you’d like me to find you a brand new pair, if possible?”

Customer: *completely serious* “No. I want you to find me a pair that has never been touched by human hands, including yours.”

(My flabbergasted coworker went into the back to ‘look,’ aka control her giggles, while I tried in vain to explain that the shoes get touched while being made and packaged. The customer kept insisting that machines did all the work now and there was no excuse for someone touching her sandals. She left with nothing.)


Doesn’t Want To Milk It For Every Penny

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Money

(Our store has been testing a new pricing plan, with a huge price cut to basic items to get customers in the door. Milk has gone down to $1.08 for a gallon. Most people are ecstatic, but not everyone…)

Customer: “Excuse me, why is this milk so cheap?”

Me: “Our store is testing a new pricing plan. Corporate has recently decided to compete with [Small Grocery Store] across the street, and we ended up in a small pricing war.”

Customer: “But what’s wrong with it? That doesn’t make sense! Overseas they pay $8 for a gallon of milk!”

Me: “Well, we have more room to raise cows than many other countries.” *shrug*

Customer: “Well, I’m not buying this! I’m going to [Expensive Grocery Chain], where milk is a reasonable price!

(The kicker is that the same company delivers the same milk to our store and where the customer said she was going.)


A Tow-tal Breakdown

| Lexington, KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular, Transportation

(I work at a roadside assistance call center. I take calls for customers who need a tow, tire change, unlocking, etc…)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; are you in a safe location?”

Caller: “Hello? I need you to tow my car.”

Me: “All right, where is the car located?”

Caller: “I don’t know. That’s why I need you to get it.”

Me: *thinking she broke down and didn’t know where she was* “Okay, what city are you in?”

Caller: “Me? I’m in Cincinnati. That’s where you can bring it when you get it.”

Me: “Oh, is someone else with the car?”

Caller: “Yeah, my boyfriend.”

Me: “Okay… Do you want to have him call me with an address of the car’s location?”

Caller: “He’s not answering his phone.”

Me: “Well, we need to know where the car is in order to tow it somewhere.”

Caller: “Are you listening to me? I don’t know where it is! My boyfriend got mad and took off with it! That’s why I need you to bring it back!”

Me: “Ma’am, we can’t tow a vehicle unless we know where it is.”

Caller: “Why the heck not?”

Me: “Where would we send the tow truck? If you don’t know where the car is, how do you expect us to find it?”

Caller: “Well, what else am I supposed to do? He took my car without my permission!”

Me: “Perhaps you should call the police.”

Caller: “You know what? That’s a great idea!” *click*

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