Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Objectionable And Uninterruptable

| Manhattan, NY, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Popular

(An irate customer has found a book she objects to and is complaining to the cashier. Another customer in a suit and tie is quietly browsing books in the back.)

Irate Customer: “Hey. Hey. Hey, you. Why do you stock this filth?”

Cashier: “I, uh…”

Irate Customer: “No. Listen to me. Get rid of this. It’s wrong. Okay? It’s wrong.”

Cashier: “We just have what people want to–”

Irate Customer: “NO. It’s your job to be a gatekeeper. You protect your customers. Take this off your shelves.”

Cashier: “I don’t choose what to stock. I–”

Irate Customer: “Fine. Manager. Where’s the manager?”

Cashier: “Wait, he’s—”

(The irate customer has already sighted the suited customer and zeroed in on him.)

Irate Customer: “Hey. Hey, you. You can’t have this in your bookstore.”

Suited Customer: “I don’t–”

Irate Customer: “Yes. Yes, you do. It’s right here.”

Suited Customer: “But I’m–”

Irate Customer: “You’ve also got [list of other objectionable books]. You have a duty.”

Suited Customer: “But I–”

Irate Customer: “Don’t give me that free speech garbage. You have a duty. A moral duty. Above the law.”

(As the angry customer keeps ranting, the suited customer wordlessly takes something out of his pocket and shows her. She lets out an ‘Oh!’ and hurries out of the store.)

Cashier: “What was that?”

Suited Customer: “FBI badge. Just in time for ‘above the law,’ too.”

Cashier: “Uh, she didn’t pay for her copy of [Objectionable Book].”

Read Write Error

, | Eindhoven, The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in IT in the Netherlands. An end-user files a complaint.)

End-User: “My PC won’t start. Just gives me an error message.”

Me: “Okay, which one of the 100,000 errors do you get?”

End-User: “I don’t know.”

Me: “It isn’t written in Arabic or old-Mesopotamian, so what does the error message say?”

End-User: “It’s a bunch of white characters on a black background.”

Me: “And what does it say?”

End-User: “I don’t know. I don’t know how to read this.”

Me: “So you’re telling me that you don’t know how to read?”

End-User: “YES. Come and fix it.”

(The end-user is a teacher.)

69 Cents? Oh, The Humanity!

| Atlanta, GA, USA | Crazy Requests

(After working as a manager for a popular party store for many years, I have heard it all when it comes to balloons. My two favorites thus far are:)

Customer: “How much is it to have my balloons inflated?”

Me: “69 cents a balloon.”

Customer: “That is way too much money for something that is free in the air. When I blow up balloons at my house, with my mouth, it is free.”

Me: “You can do that, certainly, but helium allows them to float. If you blow them up with your air, they will not float. You can still attach them with tape or allow them to sit on the floor during your event.”

Customer: “Ridiculous. When I blow them up with my mouth they have always floated. See—” *points to the package* “—it says helium balloons right here, which means they will float if I blow them up with my mouth, just like I do all the time.”

Other Manager: *who has overheard* “Ma’am, if you can blow up balloons with your mouth, and they float, you need to work here immediately. You would save us so much on helium costs.”

(And:)

Customer: “How much is it to inflate my balloons?”

Me: “69 cents a balloon.”

Customer: “Oh. I have one of those tanks that attaches to my grill at the house. Can I use that to inflate these instead?”

Me: “You can not use propane to inflate these balloons, ma’am. I am sorry…”

Customer: “Why? The tank looks similar to those.” *points to smaller disposable helium tank*

Me: “It is very dangerous to fill balloons with a flammable gas, ma’am. Helium is not flammable, and is safe for balloon usage. Propane can cause an explosion to occur.”

Getting Your Wedding Just Desserts

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(The phone rings.)

Me: “[Bakery], may I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, how many pieces are in [expensive item]?”

Me: “[Amount] for a full case.”

Customer: “How many flavors?”

Me: “[Amount] of flavors.”

Customer: “And how much is a full case?”

Me: “A full case is [case amount].”

Customer: “Perfect! Can you ship me four sample cases?”

Me: “Four full cases of [expensive item]?”

Customer: “Yes, please!”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “But I want them for my wedding!”

Me: “And I do appreciate that. You may purchase four cases at [price per case plus shipping].”

Customer: “But shipping is free, right?”

Me: “No. Based on your address your shipping would be approximately [amount].”

Customer: “WHAT?! That’s outrageous! I’ll only buy them if you offer free shipping for that price!”

Me: “I’m sorry; we do not offer free shipping. All of our items ship frozen. We need to ship via freezer truck or in the case of small orders such as yours, package them with dry ice and overnight them with FedEx. We cannot offer free shipping.”

Customer: “But it’s for my WEDDING!”

Me: “I understand that, but we cannot meet your request.”

Customer: “I really want these!”

Me: “I’m very happy to hear that; however, they are [amount] per case plus shipping.”

Customer: “Fine! I guess I won’t have them! At my WEDDING!” *practically screams into the phone*

Me: “Congratulations on your upcoming wedding.”  *click*

Office Manager: “Someone trying to get free wedding desserts?”

Me: “Yes.”

Office Manager: “So, how many does that make this week?”

Me: “Seven…”

Displaying Your Stupidity

| Hollywood, CA, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work as a food stand attendant. The day has been a hot one, so we’ve been selling out of drinks. We offer two kinds of bottled water but are currently out of [Cheaper Brand], so I’ve taken it off the drink display. However, it’s still on the sign that indicates prices. The next guest in line steps up.)

Guest: “I’d like a bottle of water.”

(Keep in mind that everyone else before her has been buying the remaining brand of water the whole time, so I just assume that this is what she wants.)

Me: “Sure, it’ll be four dollars.”

Guest: *irritated* “But it says three dollars on your sign.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. That’s actually the price for [Cheaper Brand], which we ran out of. Right now we only have the four dollar bottle.”

Guest: “Well, how was I supposed to know that you were out of it if you didn’t have it on display?!”

Me: *speechless for a second* “Um… so you want me to put it on display even though we don’t have it…?”

Guest: *seems to realize how illogical she sounded and stomps off without her drink*

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