icon_bizarresilly

Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

icon_money

No Pay, No Port

| WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Popular, Technology

(I work for a small wireless company. A caller is trying to port her numbers over to a competitor. Her account with us was suspended due to non-payment, about $1400 past due, and she hasn’t paid anything in four months. Once an account is suspended, there’s no way we can port a number over unless we get a payment.)

Customer: “You people always put in your port orders a day after I call. One number came through, but the others didn’t!”

Me: “That happened because your account was suspended on that day when the other numbers were ordered to be ported. It was a four-hour difference between being suspended and went the port request was made.”

Customer: “Well, if your dumb port department would do their jobs and put the request in the day I called, we wouldn’t be in this mess!”

(She goes on 20-minute tangents and doesn’t allow me to get any words in for the most part. One of the leaders comes by and sees me struggling, so she gets a cord and plugs in on the call to help me.)

Me: “Ma’am, the simple fact of the matter is there is no way we can port these numbers over unless we get a payment. I see you did talk to the financial department earlier, and they agreed to take $650 to get your services resumed. That is the amount we need today to do this process.”

Customer: “NO! I know there is a way you can turn on my account for two minutes, get those numbers over, and suspend it again. All you people want is your money, and I’m not paying for something I’m not using. I want to speak to a supervisor!”

(I put her on hold and the leader who plugged in with me takes over. By now, the call has lasted about 45 minutes. I stay and listen.)

Leader: “Hello, ma’am? I am a supervisor; the previous associate you talked with told me what’s going on with your porting issues.”

Customer: “Yes, all I want to do is get those numbers over. I refuse to pay anything. Why should I pay for something that I own? Those are MY numbers.”

Leader: “I hear what you’re saying, ma’am, and we do want to get this issue resolved today. Your only option to get those numbers over is to make that payment. I cannot resume service for two minutes because it’s all done automatically. The system will only resume your service when that payment is made. We cannot hack it…”

Customer: “YES, YOU CAN! How difficult is it to do something so simple. Call your IT guys, tell them to turn me on for two minutes, and get those numbers over!”

Leader: “Ma’am, that’s illegal. The IT department cannot go into people’s accounts because they don’t have that authority; they fix the computers or the system if it has problems.”

Customer: “Well, I’m not paying anything.”

Leader: “And that’s totally up to you. You don’t pay, you don’t get your numbers, because they are our property. You haven’t paid us anything in four months. We do not make exceptions when someone is severely past due. If you choose not to pay, you will be sent to collections and have to deal with them harassing you for the money, which is 10 times worse than anything we do. I have told you repeatedly what your only option is, and you are not listening. At this point you will have to get new numbers with [Competitor].”

(The leader promptly hung up on her since they have that ability. In all her years there, this is the third person she’s disconnected with. The call came through at 8:45 and didn’t end til 10:30. Customer would not let us talk at all. Let’s just say I’m looking for something else already…)

icon_healthbody

Asking Laboriously

| UK | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I run a small online business, and my most recent customer’s order has encountered a problem with shipping. While in the middle of trying to organise getting the customer’s item shipped to him, my partner starts going into labour. I throw together a quick message to the customer to explain the situation.)

Me: “Unfortunately you’re going to need to wait for an update on your orders shipping, as my partner has just started going into labour and I’m going to be preoccupied with that for the next day or two. Rest assured I’ll get back to sorting out your items shipping as soon as possible. Once again, sorry for the delay.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(Three hours later.)

Customer: “Hey, any update on my order?”

(I’m not sure what child-birthing he’s heard of that takes less than three hours to complete and for someone to get back to work after! He sent no less than five messages over the next 24 hours asking for further updates to his order.)

icon_fooddrink

Criminals Shouldn’t Like It Too Hot

, | Houston, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(I work at a very popular donut shop and work alone to close at 10 pm. It is 9:55 pm Sunday night and I have had a very crabby day. The floor is freshly mopped with wet floor sign out, half the lights are out, the back of the restaurant is dark, all the leftover donuts moved to a rolling rack. Obvious to anyone with two brain cells to rub together that the store is getting ready to close.)

Me: “Hello, how may I help you?”

Customer: *looks around for a good 2 minutes* “Yeah, ugh, can I get some HOT glazed donuts?”

(I proceed to reach for the glazed donuts on the rack.)

Customer: “No! I said the hot ones!”

Me: “Sir, it is closing time and we will not have any more made until 6:00 am. If you like there is a microwave behind you to wa—”

Customer: “No, you stupid b****! Get your lazy a** back there and make me my donuts!”

(I flip the switch to turn the lights on in the kitchen behind me.)

Me: “You see all that equipment back there? The industrial sized mixers, donut cutters the size of the interior of a Buick, and conveyor belt oven and glazer that takes up half the kitchen? You really think I am going to go back there and turn all that on to make you two hot glazed donuts?!”

Customer: “Yeah, b****! You want me to come over that counter and MAKE you?!”

Me: “I’m sorry; store is closed. I need you to leave so I can lock the doors.”

(What the customer didn’t know is during his threatening rant, the officer that came most nights for his night shift, usually earlier but was late that night, heard the whole exchange. Right before he crawled over the counter the officer grabbed him. Guy ended up having priors for assault and had a warrant for his arrest.)