Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

You’re An A**-Hole In Every Language

| UK | Crazy Requests, Language & Words, Tourists/Travel

(I work in a complaints department for an airline based in the UK. We fly to hundreds of airports all over the world. This call comes through from an Italian gentleman who is irate from the beginning.)

Me: “Good morning, [Airline]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I’ve been on hold for twenty f****** minutes! I just need to know why my refund hasn’t gone through!”

Me: “I’m sorry you were kept waiting, sir. We’ve been very busy today. Let me check if the refund has been processed yet. Do you know the amount and what it was for?”

Customer: “You’re not sorry at all; you’re just paid to say that! You English are all the same, thinking you can be polite and it will let you get away with treating your customers terribly!”

Me: *starting to get annoyed after a long morning being shouted at* “I’m sorry you feel that way, sir. I’m trying to help you. Could you tell me what the refund you’re due is for?”

Customer: *grumbling* “I didn’t get the seat I paid for on my flight to Hong Kong last week! You promised it would be in my account by now and it’s not! I had to sit at the back of first class near the business-class people!”

Me: “Okay, let me see what happened.”

(I look through the transaction history for this flight. The total amount he spent on the flight was upwards of £8,000 and the total amount he would be due for a refund is £20. I scroll down and see that the amount was refunded to his credit card three days ago.)

Me: “Sir, I see on my system here that the £20 was refunded to your card ending **** on Thursday.”

Customer: “Are you calling me stupid? Don’t lie to me, you English b****! You’re all the same! I want my money back in the next hour! I’m never flying with you again! Your pilots can’t fly and they should learn to speak Italian!”

Me: “Are you suggesting out pilots learn the language of every country we fly to?”

Customer: “Of course! It’s common courtesy, something you English don’t seem to understand!”

Me: “Sir, we fly to hundreds of airports across the world. Instead of learning to speak languages from across the world, our pilots are making sure our passengers are safe on comfortable on every flight. However, regardless of whether you fly with us again or not, I can assure you that the money you were owed has been returned to you.”

Customer: “Bull-s***! You don’t have nearly the same high standards as [Competitor European Airline] have!”

Me: *impatient now* “You’re telling me that all pilots at [Competitor European Airline] can speak Italian, English, Hungarian, Japanese, Finnish, Spanish, Mandarin, Icelandic, Arabic, Hebrew, Russian—”

Customer: *click*

(I got a warning for that call, but I didn’t care.)

Not Even Remotely Closed-Minded

| OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Time

(I work in a call center for a higher end computer component company. Occasionally we received calls that need to be transferred to our home office, which is in the next time zone an hour ahead of us. At 4:15 pm (so 5:15 pm, after closing time, at our home office,) I receive a call from a woman insisting that she needs to be transferred to our head department IMMEDIATELY.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but our head department is closed for the day. I can see that you’re in California, so I can assure you that you can call back tomorrow anytime between eight 8 am and four pm and we would be happy to redirect your call at that time.”

Caller: “What do you mean they’re closed?”

Me: I mean that everyone in that department, and indeed in the whole home office, has gone home for the day.”

Caller: “Well, that’s not going to work for me! There should be someone there!”

Me: “Ma’am, may I ask where you’re calling from?”

Caller: “My home, but I don’t see what that has to do with this, you little s***!”

Me: “I assume due to the nature of your call that you worked today, is that correct?”

Caller: *sheepishly* “Yes…”

Me: “And did you hang around after your department closed?”

Caller: No, why the f*** would I do that? What are you, an idiot?”

(At this point I remain completely silent, waiting for her to realize what she’s just said, and after a few moments I hear:)

Caller: “Oh, F*CK YOU!”

(She hung up without another word. I was let go shortly thereafter, although I was told during my exit interview that I had officially accomplished the funniest reason to be fired in company history, so there’s that at least!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

The Thingy From Another World

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests

(A young woman walks up to the counter.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how are you doing today?”

Customer: “Good. My husband sent me in here to get a part for his chainsaw.”

Me: “Okay. Sure I’d be glad to help you. What kind is it?”

Customer: *bewildered look* “Well, he said to just go in and tell you it’s the little metal thingy that goes in the motor and you’d know what it was.”

It’s Humorous How Common This Request Is

| WA, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests

Customer: “Excuse me; I need to look up a book?”

Me: “Sure, what is the title?”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. I saw two girls looking at a book on the bus and they were smiling and laughing at what they were reading so I thought I might enjoy it.”

Me: “Erm, okay. Can you tell me anything else about it?”

Customer: “Uh… I didn’t get a very good look at it. Can’t you just do a search for books that are funny?”

Me: “Well… that’d apply to almost any book in our humor section… and given who’s reading it, possibly quite a few books beyond that.” *I make a gesture of sweeping my hands out to indicate most of the store could fit that description*

Customer: “What? Well… I didn’t think it’d be that hard for you to look up a single book!”

Me: “I promise you I will do everything I can to help you find what you’re looking for, but I need some more information to go on.”

Customer: “Well… the cover might have been white? Or grey? It was hard to tell from where I was sitting.”

(A pause goes by.)

Me: “Okay… anything else?”

Customer: “There… were black words on the cover? Again I didn’t get a good look at it! Isn’t this supposed to be your job?”

(I look at my computer screen, and then notice something right underneath the counter. There’s a stack of new books we just had delivered, one of which happens to fit this very vague description.)

Me: “What about this one?”

Customer: “Well, how do I know this is the right book? There’s little men on the cover!”

Me: “You said the cover was white, with black letters, yes? Do you remember anything else about the book?”

Customer: “I just said I didn’t get a good look at it!”

Me: “Then how do you know that ISN’T the right book?”

Customer: “Uh… well… erm… I don’t, but…  Wait, how do I know it’ll make me laugh like those two girls on the bus?”

Me: “It’s a satire novel, ma’am. Those do tend to make folks laugh. Again, unless you can give me any other information, what proof do you have that is NOT the right book?”

Customer: “Uh… um… I guess I don’t? Well, I’ll give it a try, but I’m still not sure. You’re the one who’s meant to know these things!”

(She purchased the book and never came back.)

Zoned Out Of Time-Zones

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Geography, Time

(At work, we have the ability to check stock not only at our store, but at other stores in the immediate vicinity. We can call those other stores and have them hold items for customers.)

Customer: “Do you have the larger size of this candleholder in stock? I’d like to take a look at it.”

Me: “Well, I haven’t seen it, but maybe we haven’t gotten it in yet. Let me check for you.” *I check the availability and see that not only do we not have any, but there aren’t any in the local stores* “Oh, it doesn’t look like we have any in stock here or in town.”

Customer: “That’s okay; I was asking for my sister. Do you know if the stores in California carry any?”

Me: “I couldn’t tell you.”

Customer: “Can you call them?”

Me: “Ma’am, even if I knew any of the California stores’ numbers, I couldn’t.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s six in the morning in California. They probably won’t open for a few hours.”

Customer: “But you’re open now.”

Me: “Ma’am, we’re in a different time zone.”

Customer: “Can you call them anyway?”

Me: “I’d love to, but again, it’s very early in the morning there.”

(I check the inventory again and notice something about the category of the item.)

Customer: “Can you please just call them?”

Me: “I could, but it wouldn’t do much good. This item is online only.”

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