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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Immeasurable Confusion, Part 2

| Wales, UK | Crazy Requests, Math & Science

(A posh, seemingly well-educated older man comes into our shop. He’d been in several times before and was always very pleasant so I didn’t mind taking some extra time to help him out. He told me he’d broken his ruler and wanted a new one so I took him to the right aisle.)

Me: “What size were you after?”

Customer: *picking up a six inch ruler* “This is it. This is the size of the old one.”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Customer: “Only… my old one had metric on one side and imperial on the other.”

Me: *pointing it out to him* “Yes, this one has that too. That side’s centimetres; that’s inches.”

Customer: “No, no. That’s not like my old one.”

Me: “How was yours different?”

Customer: “Well, it was almost exactly like this only the lines on this side matched up with the lines on that side.”

Me: “Sorry, do you mean the first line on the metric side was level with the first line on the imperial side?”

Customer: “Yes, but they matched up all the way along.”

Me: “As in… no, I think I’ve misunderstood you here.”

Customer: “As in the one centimetre line was level with the one inch line, the two centimetre with the two inch line and so on.”

Me: “Ah, I think what you had there was centimetres on one side, millimetres on the other. They’re both metric, ten millimetres to every centimetre so the lines would match up on every centimetre.”

Customer: “No, I assure you; it’s centimetres one side, inches on the other and they match.”

Me: “I don’t see how that could be possible. They’re completely different units of measurement.”

(I point out the difference in size between the two but he’s very confident that he’s right. I start to think maybe I’ve missed something.)

Customer: “I’ve been using that ruler for years and I can absolutely assure you that it’s what I just described.”

Me: “Erm… the ruler wasn’t curved or something was it? Like a protractor?”

Customer: “No, no, no. I tell you what, I’ll buy this one now and I’ll send you the old one through the post so you can have a look at it and see what I mean.”

Me: *quite curious now* “Okay, I’d quite like to see this.”

(I make the sale and true to his word, a few days later an envelope arrives with a friendly note, suggesting that perhaps it’s an old fashioned style of ruler which is why I’ve never seen it before as he’d been using it in his office for many years. I take the broken ruler out of the envelope and discover that it’s metric both sides. I show my colleague and she tells me he’s been in charge of a large estate for years which by now he may well have turned into a tiny model village due to a miscalculation of scale.)

Related:
Immeasurable Confusion

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Always Loyal

| NJ, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Popular

(I used to work at the local store of a chain. I’m now in the same store doing some shopping, and come across someone making a scene in one of the aisles.)

Customer: “Now, you listen to me. I’ve been coming here for ten years. Every time I come here, you people are nothing but rude and unhelpful, you never have what I want, and everything is ALWAYS the wrong price!”

Me: “Hey, miss, can I give you some advice?”

Customer: “Huh? Oh, do YOU know how to deal with these people?!”

Me: “Yep. Leave.”

Customer: “Wh… what?”

Me: “You’ve got a completely full cart there, crammed to the gills. It’s stuff from pretty much every section of the store, so I figure you were probably here for at least an hour. I KNOW you’ve been here for at least twenty minutes, because your voice carries like the screech of a crow. Half the things you’re asking the staff to do, they can’t; the other half you’re asking them to do they probably would, if you hadn’t been making their lives miserable from the moment you walked in. I also saw your husband or boyfriend or brother or whatever; he is over there trying to tell people to leave because you think these guys are crooks. He’s an a**-hole.”

Customer: *stumbling over herself in rage* “How DARE you!?”

Me: “Oh, and by the way, you have thirty days to return items. It’s on the receipt, it’s on the huge sign up at Guest Services, and it’s online. That garbage you’re yelling about them being ‘required’ to return is from last year’s collection, which I know because I have a set at home. It’s good quality stuff, so how you broke yours I can only imagine.”

Customer: “Who do you think you are to talk to me like that!?”

Me: *totally deadpan* “I’m the god-d***ed Batman.”

(I don’t really know what possessed me to say that. At least it got the poor, shell-shocked store employee to laugh his head off. The woman sticks her nose up in the air and storms off.)

Employee: “Oh, my gosh, THANK you. We’re never allowed to tell off the customer unless they’re being offensive or violent, and she hadn’t hit that yet!”

Me: “Semper Fidelis.”

Employee: “What?”

Me: “I was here 2002-2004, worked every section in hardlines, and spent three Christmases in the toy section. I also dealt with that EXACT problem from your end. That was about a decade of steam I just let off my chest!”

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 29

| VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

Customer: “Fix it!”

Me: “Fix what, ma’am?”

Customer: “My Internet connection. Can’t you tell why I’m calling?”

Me: “No, ma’am, the technology doesn’t work that way.”

(I apologize for any inconvenience, and then check her connection. Everything is fine. I even test with ping and packet testing; again, very strong signal to the Internet.)

Me: “Ma’am, are you using a router?”

Customer: “I don’t know. You guys installed it all”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t install routers. Do you know the name of the router you’re using?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “We can test the modem to make sure it’s working. Can you take your laptop into the room with the modem and unplug the modem from the rou—”

(Before I could even finish asking her to connect the laptop to the modem directly.)

Customer: “No. I couldn’t possibly do that! You just need to fix it.”

Me: “Ma’am, are you suffering from an illness or injury preventing me from helping you today?”

Customer: “No, and I couldn’t possibly be bothered with that. The modem and the laptop are on different floors. I called you to fix it. Why can’t you just fix it?”

(Eventually the customer was charged for a technician to come out and educate her on the use of her technology.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 28
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 27
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26