Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Not Quite The Speedy Resolution

| Lincoln, NE, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I work for a non-emergency hotline for the local police department. I take calls from the public that don’t need emergency services and, as a result, talk to a lot of people who aren’t exactly the sharpest tools in the box.)

Caller: “I want to make a report of a crime.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, can you tell me what happened?”

Caller: “I was driving on the interstate yesterday, and I saw four motorcycles speeding.”

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “I have their plate numbers too. They are…” *gives numbers*

Me: “Okay?”

Caller: “Well? Aren’t you going to do anything about it?”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you want me to do with this?”

Caller: “Something! They broke the law and they should be punished.”

Me: “Ma’am, they might have broken the law, but unless an officer actually saw them doing it… then we have no proof. We can’t go around arresting people without proof.”

Caller: “But I SAW them!”

Me: “But you are not a member of the police force. We can’t arrest someone based solely on your witness statement. There has to be some other form of evidence.”

Caller: “Plenty of other people saw them, too!”

Me: “But none of them have called us. Even if they did, we still wouldn’t pursue those bikers just based on eyewitness statements. We would let the officer present make that call.”

Caller: “What do you expect me to do? I was DRIVING! I wasn’t going to risk MY life by trying to take a video! Those men are going to kill someone someday!”

Me: “It’s very good you didn’t take video while driving, but there’s nothing you can do. The police didn’t see it happen, so on our end nothing did happen.”

Caller: “I gave you their plate numbers. I want you to look up their addresses and write them very strongly worded letters so they understand that what they did was wrong.”

Me: “Ma’am… I’m not going to do that.”

Caller: “THIS IS SUCH A WASTE OF MY TAX DOLLARS! I CALLED YOU EXPECTING JUSTICE TO BE SERVED, BUT INSTEAD I GET SOME CRAP ABOUT YOU NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING UNLESS AN OFFICER SEES IT! HOW DARE YOU TREAT THE PUBLIC YOU PROTECT AND SERVE LIKE THIS!”

(She continues to rant about how useless the department is and how she won’t stand for her money being wasted like this. I am now really annoyed, and trying not to tell the woman how she is the one wasting our time and money.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, I’ve found something I can do for you. I will pass your message on to someone else.”

Caller: “FINALLY! I hope you’re happy that you’ve wasted so much of my time with this!”

Me: “Not at all, ma’am, but I do wish you a good rest of your day. Drive safely. ”

(After hanging up, I turn to the dispatcher sitting next to me.)

Me: “Hey.”

Coworker: “What’s up?”

Me: “The lady I just talked to, she saw some bikers speeding on the interstate. I told her I’d tell someone about it. There you go.”

The Lawnmower Man

, | Manassas, VA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I am working at the store and witness a coworker have this exchange with an older male customer.)

Customer: “I want to return this lawnmower. It doesn’t work.”

Coworker: “What seems to be the problem with it?”

Customer: “I told you: it doesn’t work. It did when I first bought it and then it stopped. It’s a lemon.”

Coworker: “Okay, well, we would typically attempt to get it repaired even if you return in so that we can still try and resell it. Is there anything specific about it not working that you can tell me?”

Customer: “No! It’s just a piece-of-s*** machine which is all this company seems to sell anymore! I want to return it for cash and take my business elsewhere!”

Coworker: “Sir, I appreciate that you’re upset but you need to mind your language. I will do my best to help you but you will need to calm down. Now, I have to ask a few basic questions in order to determine whether this machine really is defective. Did you use new gas when you filled the gas tank?”

Customer: *still irritated but calmer* “Yes, yes, of course I did. I’ve been using lawnmowers longer than you’ve been alive. I know how they work!”

Coworker: “And you used the proper weight and amount of oil as well?”

Customer: “What? I’ve never heard of putting oil in a lawnmower before! You don’t know what you’re talking about. Why would a lawnmower need oil?!”

Coworker: “Because it’s an internal combustion engine just like the one in your vehicle it just happens to be a smaller version.”

Customer: “That’s bulls***! Just refund my money so I can take my business somewhere with intelligent employees and decent products!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, sir, but every person who’s ever run a lawnmower knows that they require oil as well as gas and because you ran it without oil, you destroyed the engine. You invalidated the warranty by neglecting basic maintenance.”

Customer: “This is such bulls***! None of you are worth your pay! You’re all idiots! I’m going to [Competitor] and never shopping here again!”

Doesn’t Understand The Custom Part Of Customer, Part 5

| VT, USA | Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a somewhat upscale clothing store. Lately customers have been coming in and refusing to even acknowledge my greeting, let alone let me help them.)

Me: “Hello, welcome to [Store]. What can I help you find today?”

Customer: “I’m not telling you what I’m looking for.”

Me: “Okay. If you need anything let me know.”

(Customer proceeds to look around for about 20 minutes. I check on her several more times. She lets on that she is looking for something specific to wear to a graduation. She will not tell me what it is.)

Customer: *leaving* “Well, I guess you just don’t carry cardigans anymore!”

Me: “Yes, we do! They are right here on this table! What size or color would you like?”

Customer: “White, medium.”

Me: “That was pretty fast, right?”

Customer: “Sorry, I just didn’t want you to try to SELL me anything.”

Me: “Then why are you shopping?”

Related:

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 4
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 3
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 2

I Smell A Rat

| Canberra, ACT, Australia | Crazy Requests, Hotels & Lodging, Pets & Animals

(A guest rings up hotel:)

Guest: “This is a strange request, but is it possible to bring live rats and keep them in the room overnight?”

Not The Four-Man For The Job

, | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Home Improvement

(I work on a delivery truck for an appliance store. We work in teams of two to carry sometimes very heavy appliances through tight spaces and install them. Today, we have an exceptionally large fridge to deliver, and it needs at least 30 inches of space to get in. The customer’s doorways into the kitchen are 29 inches. The only other way in is through the back door, but we would have to lift the 400-500 pound fridge over a counter to get into the kitchen. For obvious safety reasons, we are supposed to call in to schedule a four-man delivery team to take care of tough jobs like this.)

Coworker: “Sir, unfortunately your fridge is too large for us to get it in. It will fit one way but we need to reschedule to have four guys come out to lift it.”

Customer: “No, it’s going in that house today.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t have another team that can come out to help us today, and we still have five more deliveries to take care of today anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t f****** care! We aren’t rescheduling. You two are going to put that in the f****** kitchen right now!”

Coworker: “Sir, this isn’t something we can do with just two guys. And if you continue to yell and curse at us, I’m declining this delivery and we’ll leave right now.”

Customer: “I don’t see how that is my problem. You two just need to do your d*** job!”

Me: “Actually, it is your problem because YOUR house is too small to fit the fridge YOU selected. We’re trying to make this work, but you are being very uncooperative.”

(The customer continues to yell, curse, and threaten us, so we call in to our warehouse to tell our boss what’s going on. He gives us the ok to leave and says he’ll call the customer himself.)

Coworker: “Okay, sir, we’re putting the fridge back on our truck and leaving. Our boss will be calling you in the next few minutes to explain the situation and set up a four-man team.

Customer: “Don’t you dare put my fridge on that truck!” *to his wife, who has been standing there only marginally less belligerent the whole time* “If they touch that fridge, call the cops!” *to us again* “I’m gonna sue you for this!” *disappears inside house*

(My coworker and I start to put the fridge back on the truck, not too worried about the cops since the product is technically still ours, when he comes back out with an appliance dolly.)

Customer: “You leave that fridge right there! If you two f***s won’t carry it in I’ll do it by myself!”

(I look at my coworker, who’s been working here longer, to see if we can actually do that, and he shrugs.)

Coworker: “All right, sir, you’re welcome to try, but you’re probably going to dent and scratch the h*** out of your machine and house.”

(We left the fridge and drove off while the customer continued to curse at and insult us. A few days later I heard from another coworker who was on the four-man team. When he got there the fridge was still sitting in the customer’s garage and the doorways had been completely torn apart, but the customer apparently couldn’t manage to do it himself after all.)