Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Hand-Washing Your Hand Of This Customer

| Dallas, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I was working in a popular discount home decor/supply store at the returns/exchanges desk when a woman approaches with an obviously more than used frying pan.)

Me: “Hello, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “I want to return this pan; it’s horrible!”

Me: “Okay, well, do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “Of course not! I bought it six years ago!”

Me: “Hmm, well, it doesn’t have any of the original packaging, and with no receipt, there’s really not much I can do here. Do you remember what you paid for it originally?”

(At this point, I’m really just trying to be as nice as I can. Maybe there’s some way I can figure out store credit or something, but I doubt it.)

Customer: “Not that it’s any of your business, but it was six dollars!”

Me: “Really? You bought it six years ago, for six dollars, and you expect it to still be in good condition after years of repeated use?”

Customer: “Those were six hard earned dollars, and I expect them back! This pan is a piece of crap! It should still be under warranty, though!”

Me: “Ma’am, I think they only offer warranties on cookware in a much higher price range.”

(For my own home, I only buy high quality cookware — I would never buy anything from the store I work at and expect it to last longer that a couple of months — so I am familiar with the warranty policies on some of the better known brands of cookware, not that I can even tell the brand without the packaging!)

Customer: “Well, there should be a warranty on this pan. It’s a piece of crap! And you need to refund my money. I shop here all the time!”

Me: *finally giving up* “Ma’am, there’s not much you can expect from a six dollar pan. The fact that you got six years out of it is frankly unbelievable! This is about the best six dollar pan I’ve ever seen. Besides which, there’s no proof you bought it here, as there’s no packaging, and no receipt. I’d be happy to show you where we stock the new pans.”

Customer: “NO! I WANT A D*** REFUND! THIS PAN SHOULD BE UNDER WARRANTY!”

Me: *clueing in on how to end this* “Ma’am, this is a Teflon coated pan. May I ask how you washed it?”

Customer: “The dishwasher. What do I look like, an idiot?”

Me: “Ma’am, Teflon is handwash only; washing it in the dishwasher would void the warranty.”

Customer: “Oh, god d*** it!”

An Eye-Popping Transaction

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(It’s my last day at my store, so I’m more relaxed and friendlier with customers than usual, making off the wall jokes that most have appreciated. I’ve mostly been filling balloon orders while my coworkers work the registers and man the aisles. It’s fifteen minutes to closing when a grumpy older woman comes in and slaps a pack of balloons down.)

Customer: “I need these filled up now. How much are they?”

Me: “We usually charge the normal rate for balloons bought outside our store. However I can blow them up for a dollar instead.” *this is thirty cents cheaper per balloon*

Customer: “That’s too much. I’m not paying that.”

Me: “I’m afraid we can’t blow your balloons up, then. We do have a tank over there for twenty five dollars that you can use, though.”

Customer: “WHAT? I need these done right now! I don’t have time to go anywhere else. I need them done! I have a party I’m supposed to be at. Fine, I’ll pay; just hurry up!”

(I’m one of the faster people on the helium tanks, but she’s yelling at me the whole time I’m blowing up all fifteen balloons. As soon as I’m done, she pulls out another pack that has glow-in-the-dark lights inside.)

Me: “Oh, sorry, we can’t blow those up. They have metal pieces inside, and if one of the balloons were to pop, it could hurt someone.”

Customer: “That makes no sense at all! You blew all of those up without popping them. You’re just being lazy! Blow those up or I’m reporting you.”

Me: “One of those can pop and hit me in the eye. I’m not losing my eyesight because you want them blown up.”

Customer: “Listen to me. My grandson wants these balloons blown up. You are going to blow them up, or I swear, I’m going to make your life miserable.” *shoves the balloons at me again* “Now get to blowing them up! I am not going to wait around while you make any more stupid excuses.”

Me: “So, it’s okay for me to lose my eye because your grandson really wants these blown up, huh?”

Customer: *stuttering* “That’s not what I said at all! You’re putting words in my mouth now. I don’t see why you’re making such a big deal out of blowing up ten balloons, all because some metal might shoot out at you or not.”

Me: “That’s a big chance of might. Are you going to pay for my doctor bills?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “My doctor bills. I can’t afford to pay for surgery to repair or remove my eye. Are you going to pay for it?”

Customer: “No… what are you talking about?”

Me: “Are you going to pay for my recuperation while I’m out of a job? I won’t be able to drive if I lose my eye, which means I won’t be able to come to work. Are you going to pay my bills?”

Customer: *stares at me like I’m insane* “I’ll just take these fifteen, then.”

Me: “Yeah, it’s all fun and games until you get reminded that we’re human beings, too, huh? Have a nice day.”

(My manager called the next day to tell me I was over the top, but she was laughing as she said it. When the woman called to complain the next day, she demanded to have me fired, and my manager told her I couldn’t be fired; I didn’t work there. Apparently, it confused the woman, and she hung up.)

Coupon And On And On, Part 5

| USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(A customer comes to the register with an arm load of items.)

Customer: “Excuse me. I left my coupon at home. Do you have any that I can use?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. The coupons are sent out in the mail. We don’t get any in the store.”

Customer: “You are lying! You have plenty of coupons! I want to talk to your manager!”

Me: “I am the manager on duty today.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! You want me to drive all the way home and then drive all the way back just to use a coupon?! You just don’t want me to have one!”

Me: “Ma’am, I assure you—“

Customer: “No, forget it!”

(The customer proceeds to throw at me all of the items she was going to buy.)

Customer: *storming out)* “I am never shopping here again!”

(The customer has been back several times, asking different employees for coupons and then throwing tantrums when we tell her that we don’t have any.)

Related:
Coupon And On And On, Part 4
Coupon And On And On, Part 3
Coupon And On And On, Part 2

Driving Out The Cheating

| Sweden | Crazy Requests

(I work at a driving school as a receptionist. The Transport Agency issues driving licenses in Sweden.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [School].”

Caller: “Hello, I need to know if your school also allows cheating?”

Me: “Cheating, miss? We definitely don’t allow our students to cheat on our tests as that would be a danger in traffic.”

Caller: “Well, I heard you hand out CDs with the theoretical test!”

Me: *realising she’s talking about a course CD that includes a mock test to prepare for the real one* “Oh! I can assure you we don’t hand out the answers or even the real test to our students. Our study material just includes a mock test with questions similar to the real test to prepare them.”

Caller: “But that is cheating! I heard schools even cheat by letting the students drive around the area where the actual driving test is taken!”

Me: *kinda confused at this point* “Well, it helps them prepare for the real test if they know the area so our teachers usually have them drive there, but I assure you that is perfectly fine. It’s usually good for the students to get in some practice to—”

Caller: “Like I said, you allow cheating! It’s cheating to check out the area beforehand and it’s cheating to look at test questions!”

Me: “Ma’am, I promise the Transport Agency allows driving schools to practice driving in the same area as the tests are taken and to hold mock tests. It is not cheating and is in fact part of the reason that driving schools exist.”

Caller: “Well, I didn’t do any of those cheating things. How am I supposed to feel safe if schools allow students to practice their driving?!”

Me: *sort of stunned at this point* “The whole point of a driving school is to practice driving in preparation of the test. As we want our students to pass, we make them practice in the same area as the test and take similar questions as the test, but I assure you that it’s not an exact copy and only intended for education purposes.”

Caller: “Just like I said, cheating! You allow your students to cheat or I would have done those things! I’m going to report you to report you to the Transport Agency!” *click*

Has Beef With Your Simple Explanation

| MO, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I work at a convenience store that also has a kitchen and is famous for pizza. We sell pizza by the slice in a food warmer on pizza cards marked with what kind of pizza it is. My coworker has just put fresh pizza in the warmer.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what does ‘beef’ stand for?”

Coworker: “Um… hamburger?”

Customer: “Why are you trying to make me look stupid, you little c***?! I’m sure I’m much smarter than you; at least I’m not stuck working in this s***ty town at a gas station! I’m sure you had your first kid when you were 14! I want to speak to your manager!”

(I am the manager on duty and have been listening the whole time. My coworker looks at me and I walk over.)

Me: “Hi, how may I help you?”

Customer: “Your good for nothing employee is trying to make me look stupid!”

Me: “She has only said one word since you walked up to her and started verbally abusing her. And you don’t need help looking stupid. You’re doing a fantastic job doing that on your own.”

Customer: “You’re not going to punish her?”

Me: “For what? Answering your original question?”

Customer: “Well, I demand free food!”

Me: “Not with the way you’re treating my employees. You can pay for your pizza up there.”

(The customer then stormed off to the register and continued on about how we were trying to make her look stupid while the cashier struggled to keep a straight face.)

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