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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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Time To Go On Law-Break

| FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I am working the opening of a new store. Florida law requires all employees under 18 have an unpaid thirty minute break every four consecutive hours they work. Because it is the opening week a lot of employees are working so they can be trained, which means somebody is on break almost all the time. At one point a guest flags me down to complain.)

Customer: “I’ve been standing here forever! And all these kids are just sitting out here ignoring me!”

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. They are on break.”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t see why they couldn’t help me! They’re just lazy!”

Me: “Ma’am… they are on break. Florida state law requires them to have an uninterrupted break.”

Customer: “It wouldn’t have been hard for them to help me. Kids are just so lazy these days!”

Me: “Ma’am. Unless you want to pay the fines we could incur for them causing us to break the law for helping YOU they aren’t going to help you. But I can.”

Customer: “Well. You don’t have to be rude about it. Now, I need some ketchup!”

Me: “You’re standing right next to it…”

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This Is Beeping Bad Service

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Technology

(I work for a popular clothing retail company. Our register area has sensors on them that beep constantly when an item is near it that still has a security tag attached. While annoying, it pales in comparison to the non-stop comments from other customers.)

Customer: “What is that sound?”

Coworker: *explains what the beeping is*

Customer: *suddenly upset* “That’s so insensitive to the customer! We shouldn’t have to listen to that! It’s horrible customer service!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, the beeping keeps us from forgetting to take any sensors off. I know it can be annoying, but it’s so we can provide the best customer service for you.”

Customer: “No, it’s bad customer service! I demand you turn it off now!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry. We can’t do that. There’s no switch to turn it off.”

Customer: “Then break it!”

(We refused to do that as well. The customer paid and walked out in a huff, promising to never shop with us again. I sure hope she’s a woman of her word.)

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The Biggest Pest Isn’t The Wasp

| MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Pets & Animals

(I use to work as an admin for a pest company. The techs make their own schedules with monthly visits to customers and fit in people that have called for re-treatments. Usually when people call in asking for an extra service I can get them to wait a day or two to help the techs.)

Me: “[Company], how can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a wasp in my screen porch!”

Me: “Oh, dear! Well, to help your tech, do you know where the nest might be in your porch?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay. Have you seen them flying in a certain direction?”

Customer: “No. It’s just one that got inside. Can you just send the tech now to kill it!”

Me: “Wait, you want me to have the tech go off route now to kill one wasp?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Have you seen a lot of activity outside?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Let me see what I can do.”

(I put her on hold and tap my fingers for a few moments and have a snack. It’s our busy season and that route is our largest and busiest with only one tech near it. I wasn’t about to call him for one wasp.)

Me: “Thanks for holding. I called the tech and he won’t be able to fit you in today. I could put in a request for tomorrow.”

Customer: “What?! I pay you guys good money to take care of pests! What am I supposed to do about this wasp?”

Me: “Hit it with a rolled up magazine.”

Customer: “What?! How dare you! I want my tech to call me!”

Me: “I can do that. Have a nice day.”

(I send a message for the tech to call her. Two hours later he ran in for supplies.)

Tech: “What the h*** was that all about?! She wanted me to go kill one wasp!”

Me: “Yeah, I know. I told her to hit it with a magazine.”

Tech: “So did I! I’m not going 20 minutes off route to spray one wasp! I’m lucky I found the time to pick up more chemicals!”

(Seriously, yeah, you are paying us, but so are tons of other people. Grow up and slap it with a newspaper. Sadly, that was not the first or last call I got like that. One involved a dead hamster under the stove. Another was a frog… in their yard.)

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Making You Feel All Kinds Of Blue

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I’m a graphic designer but I take on some freelance jobs outside of my regular job. A client contacts me, looking for a brochure design for his upcoming art show at a small gallery. His work is very cool and I decide to take on the job. After receiving multiple e-mails from him freaking out about how “It just doesn’t FEEL like my art. It needs to FEEL better!” I decide to meet with him to go over it in person.)

Me: “So, what aren’t you liking about the current design? We’ve discussed all the changes and up until this point you seemed ok with it.”

Client: *touching the print out* “The FEEL is all wrong! Wrong, wrong, wrong!”

Me: “Okay, can you explain a bit more? What about the feel isn’t right?”

Client: “You know! The FEEL!” *start rubbing the piece of paper on his face and flinging it all around in the air*

Me: “Do you mean the paper? This isn’t the final paper stock we’re printing on, just regular printer paper.”

Client: “Oh, okay. Good because this s*** is NASTY!” *throws all the papers on the ground and points at my computer screen* “But also, this colour here is just so WRONG!”

Me: *collecting papers* “All right, we can change that. What colour were you thinking?”

Client: “A bright blue! Oh, wait… maybe a dark and moody blue.”

Me: *makes changes on screen* “Do you like either of these?”

Client: “Are you an idiot!? Neither of those are blue! How can you call yourself a designer if you think THAT’S blue!”

(The client is now kneeling on his chair and flailing his arms in the air while screeching at me.)

Me: “Okay! Why don’t you go through the colours here and see if there’s something you like better!”

(The client calms down and scrolls for a solid 15 minutes through the colours while practically lying across the table.)

Client: “This one! It’s PERFECT!”

Me: “Umm… all right, then.”

(We settled on a lovely Forest “Blue” and concluded the project after printing. The kicker? I went to his show the next week and found that he didn’t use my design but decided to make all new brochures by finger painting them and handing out still wet pieces of paper at the show.)

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Lack Of Stock Options

| Newington, NH, USA | Crazy Requests

(I am a cashier at a well-known craft store, and am currently cashing out a customer when another customer pushes his way in front of her and demands my assistance.)

Customer: “Hey, you! Cashier! Where do you keep the [item I’ve never heard of]!?”

Me: “What is that? Can you describe it?”

Customer: “You use it to cut Styrofoam. It’s got a thin wire that heats up to melt through it so that it doesn’t, y’know, break up into small bits or whatever.”

Me: *having heard a request for an identical item on my radio* “Wait, didn’t you just ask three other people about that, including the store manager and the assistant manager?”

Customer: “Yeah. They said that if you carried it that it would be over in aisle three!”

Me: “So… did you check aisle three?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “And was it there?”

Customer: “Obviously not, you dumb s***!”

Me: *wanting to get back to cashing out the customer I was helping before* “Sir, you already spoke to three other employees, including the store manager. They all said that if we had that item that it would be in aisle three.”

Customer: “And it wasn’t! Now are you going to help me or am I going to have to take my business elsewhere?!”

Me: “Well since you’re looking for an item that we apparently don’t sell, you’re going to have to take your business elsewhere no matter what I do.”

Customer: “I… Well… S***!” *stomps off angrily*

(I should have been written up for that, but my store manager decided not to because not only was it hilarious but it was also pretty certain that we’d not have gotten his business no matter what I did.)

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