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Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

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So Cheap It’s A Steal

| PA, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Popular

(The store is featuring a huge sale on clearance. For example, items marked down to $19 from an original price of $50+ are ringing up for $8.99. A customer comes up with two items that ring up $4.99 each, at least an 80% markdown from the original price.)

Customer: “Can I use this $10 off coupon I got on my phone?”

Me: “I’m so sorry. That coupon can only be used on regularly priced items. And it specifies that it’s $10 off $50 in purchases.”

Customer: “Well, how can I get another discount, then? Do you have any coupons I can use to bring down the price?”

Me: *after blinking out of sheer shock* “I… I guess you could steal it?”

(Thankfully, my manager heard my reply and started cracking up.)

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ISPy

| Petach Tikva, Israel | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Technology

(I’m working the night shift on a Friday, around 3 am.)

Me: “[ISP]. This is [My Name] at your service.”

Customer: “My Internet isn’t working, and I know why! It’s because of [unintelligible].”

(I thought I’d heard something about spies, but I wasn’t sure, so I just kept going.)

Me: “I see. Let’s figure out what the problem is, so we can find a solution.”

Customer: “But I know what the problem is! I’m being spied on! It’s the spies! They’re ruining my Internet.”

Me: *sticking to the protocol that exists exactly for that purpose* “Well, if you’re sure someone is spying on you, you have to contact the police.”

Customer: “Nah, I don’t need to call the police. I’m not that paranoid. Anyway, they’re spying on me, too, so they probably know all about it.”

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Can No Longer Handle Your Baggage

, | AZ, USA | Crazy Requests, Popular, Technology

(I work inside a mall for an authorized retailer of a certain big company when I receive a phone call…)

Me: “How may I help you?”

Customer: “Ya, hi. Umm, I have a bag phone I’d like to activate. Can y’all do that?”

(A bag phone was an early mobile-phone that had to be carried around like a bag or a back-pack.)

Me: “Well, uhh, how old is the phone?”

Customer: “I bought it brand new in 1996! Best phone I ever had. Been out of the world a spell and would like to get my phone hooked back up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your phone is not compatible with our network anymore. If you’d like we can get you set up with a new phone that is compatible.”

Customer: “WHAT THE H*** GOOD IS IT TO BUY A NEW PHONE?! I ALREADY HAVE A BAG PHONE! WHY CAN’T I USE THE PHONE I HAVE?”

Me: “Well, they’re heavy, unwieldy, and put off way more radiation than today’s phones. Also, and sir, this is the important bit, they’re not compatible anymore. Your phone uses an analog technology. We all use digital now. I’m sorry, there’s literally no way to use your bag phone.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just call your competitor and have them do it.”

Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”