Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

Read My Tulips

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests

(A woman comes in and, since I’m standing near the front of the store, she walks right to me.)

Customer: “Do you work here?” *our favorite question… as though the shirt with the company logo isn’t a dead giveaway*

Me: “Yes. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I know you sell flowers, but do you sell flower bulbs?”

Me: “At the moment we do carry some seasonal bulbs. They are amaryllis bulbs, just for the holiday season. They’re about four dollars each.”

Customer: “No, no, I know about those. I need about forty hyacinth bulbs.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t generally carry bulbs for planting. We only have these amaryllis bulbs as a decorative holiday item.”

Customer: “Well, just FYI, Home Depot doesn’t have hyacinth bulbs, either. They only have tulip bulbs. And I. DON’T. DO. TULIPS!”

They’re Incoming

| TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Money, Time

(10:00 am:)

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to get a loan.”

(I explain qualifications.)

Me: “Would you like to apply by phone?”

Caller: “No, no, I’ll come in. I’m coming from [Nearby Town.] May I have directions?”

Me: “Okay, sir, but keep in mind, it takes about an hour to apply and get approved and about 20 minutes to do the loan. Are you sure you wouldn’t like to apply by phone? That way you will know before you drive the hour to get here?”

Caller: “No, I want to come in.”

Me: “Okay, we close for lunch from three to four so to come in to get the loan, you need to be here by 1:30 pm or after four pm.”

Caller: *hangs up without a word*

(2:45 pm.)

Caller: “I talked to you earlier! I’m stuck behind a train. Can you wait for me?”

Me: “Sir, as I said before, what we need to do is about an hour and 20 minutes of work. We close in 15 minutes for lunch. There is nothing I can do until after four pm. You don’t have time.”

Caller: “No, you said as long as I’m there by three!”

Me: “NO, I told you by 1:30 because we close the office at three for lunch.”

Caller: “I’ll be there in five minutes.” *hangs up*

(As I knew he would, he arrives just as I am locking the door.)

Customer: “I made it by three. You have to help me!”

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to wait until four pm. The office is now closed.”

Customer: “But I have to book this cruise!”

Me: “I will help you after four pm.”

(I leave for lunch. Four pm, I come back and he is still there, right outside the office.)

Customer: “NOW can you help me?”

Me: “Absolutely.”

Customer: “But I don’t have any income. Is that going to be a problem?”

Me: “Seriously?”

Refunder Blunder, Part 26

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests

Customer: “Hello, I would like to return this, please.” *hands me a deodorant*

Me: *takes the cap off and sees that the container is empty* “I’m sorry, I can’t return this. It’s already been used.”

Customer: “Exactly. So I don’t need it anymore.”

Me: “…”

Related:
Refunder Blunder, Part 25

Refunder Blunder, Part 24

Refunder Blunder, Part 23

Must Be Where They’re Storing Their Brain

| Salt Lake City, UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(The customer currently rents a 10×10 unit.)

Customer: “I don’t want to pay for my whole unit; I’m not using it all.”

Me: “OK, I have smaller units avail—”

Customer: *interrupts* “NO! I don’t want to get a truck to move, but I don’t want to pay the full amount. I just want to pay what I’m using.”

Me: “I apologize, but that’s not how that works. Because we can’t rent out the rest of that space, you have to pay the full rent or move to a smaller unit.”

Customer: “Fine, I’m moving everything out into another facility.”

Me: “You’re going to move everything out to a new facility, but not into a unit down the building from where you are?”

Customer: “Yeah, because you’re f****** stupid!”

Drastic Plastic

| UK | Crazy Requests

(It is my first day as a sales assistant in a video game store. I’m tidying the store when a woman walks over to me holding a Disney Infinity figure.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what is this made of?”

Me: “Um… I think it’s plastic?”

(The customer stares at me as if waiting for a different answer.)

Me: “You know what? I’ll check with my manager.”

(I walk over to my manager and, obviously looking completely bewildered, tell him what the customer just asked. He looks just as confused as I am.)

Manager: “Yeah… It’s plastic.”

Me: “That’s what I said.”

(I head back to the customer and give her the same answer as last time. She looks absolutely devastated.)

Customer: “Oh… I’m sorry…”

(She puts the figure back. And hurriedly leaves. My manager comes over looking bamboozled.)

Manager: “What was she hoping for?”

Me: “I don’t know. Hand carved from the finest ivory by tiny woodland pixies?”

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