Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!

It’s Gonna Be A Long Summer

| NH, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I’ve just finished training to be a cashier at this store, and I’m still not able to recognize a lot of the produce on sight. A customer places an order on the belt that includes what I believe to be summer squash, so I ring it up as such. However, when I announce his total the customer squints at the screen behind me that displays his purchases and says:)

Customer: “Oh, wait, I didn’t get any summer squash. There must have been some kind of mistake.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry, sir! I’m new here and haven’t really learned all the produce yet. Here, let me fix that for you.”

(After canceling the item, I pulled the produce back out of the bag.)

Me: “Okay, now, would you mind telling me what this really is so I can ring it up correctly?”

Customer: “It’s…some kind of squash.”

Me: “Yes, sir, but what kind is it?”

Customer: “It’s uh, it’s some kind of squash.”

Me: “I know that sir, but what KIND is it?”

Customer: “Um, I’m not sure. Can’t you just ring it up?”

Me: “Sir, we have over twenty kinds of squash for sale in our store, and they are not all priced the same. I need some kind of… kind.”

(I ended up reading him the entire list of squash vegetables that could be rung up by the computer, and none of them rang any bells.)

Customer: *frustrated* “Can’t you just ring it up? It’s some kind of squash!”

Me: “You want to know if I can ring it up as ‘Some Kind Of Squash?'”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “…No.”

(I decide to call a manger over, but before I can the customer leans over to get another look at the squash, which has been sitting on the scanner in front of me the whole time.)

Customer: “Oh, wait! I remember what it is now!”

Me: *excited* “Really?”

Customer: *triumphantly* “Yeah! It’s summer squash!”

Me: “…”

(I mentioned this story to my manager in passing later on, and do you know what he said? “Welcome to customer service.”)

There Is Dough Reason To Stop

| IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

(I own a bakery. In the front, but to the side, is an area for me to mix the dough, which has a glass partition just in front of it so people can watch the process. Many people are fascinated by it and will often ask me questions while I work. My associate is waiting on customers and there’s only a couple of people in line. Customer comes up to glass:)

Customer: “You need to stop playing and come wait on me.”

Me: “First, I’m not ‘playing’; I’m making dough. And second, actually, no, I don’t.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. You’re just being lazy!”

Me: “Lazy? Seriously? Lady, I’m up to my elbows in dough! Now you have two choices; you can either get your happy butt back in line or you can leave.”

Customer: “I WANT YOUR MANAGER, NOW!”

Me: “She’s my manager.” *nods towards my associate*

Customer: *to my associate* “I WANT HER FIRED RIGHT NOW!”

Associate: “I can’t fire her.”

Customer: “WHY NOT?”

Associate: “Because she’s the owner!”

(The customer got red faced, and looked at me. I gave her a little finger wave. She sputtered and stormed out. I hate people who feel they’re entitled.)

Can Still Be Frou-Frou After Poo-Poo

| USA | Crazy Requests, Health & Body

(I am on my way to use the restroom. The path takes me through our clothing department, where two women are looking through the racks. As I draw closer, one of them turns and shouts.)

Customer: “Jesus Christ! FINALLY, a person!”

Me: *startled* “Hello! How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED MY PANTS!”

(Her tone was not that of someone in panic because she’d just had an accident, but more of pure, unbridled rage that I somehow hadn’t correctly guessed what was happening on my own.)

Customer: “OH, MY F****** GOD, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? ARE YOU JUST GOING TO STAND THERE STARING AT ME? I HAVE MS AND JUST POOPED IN MY PANTS!”

Me: *completely unsure of what she wanted me to do about it* “I’m sorry, ma’am, there’s a restroom right over here where you can clean—”

Customer: “YOU’RE SO INCOMPETENT! I NEED NEW CLOTHES RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, what size do you wear? I can get you a change of clothes while you use the restr—”

Customer: “OH, MY GOD, ARE YOU JOKING? I HAVE A MESS IN MY PANTS AND YOU—” *shakes her head and flails her hands in the air like I’m the dumbest person she has ever encountered*

(Meanwhile her companion quietly wanders away, unwilling to calm her down or help with the situation.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m just trying to help you.”

Customer: “F****** FINE! GET ME SOME SHORTS!”

(I go to the nearest rack of shorts and grab a pair that I guess are close to her size.)

Customer: “ARE YOU F****** KIDDING ME? SERIOUSLY? I WOULDN’T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN THOSE!”

(She rolled her eyes, turned, and trailing obscenities stormed out the door while shaking her head and waving her arms around. Apparently one should be concerned with fashion first, regardless of the situation.)

Toying With Unreason

| Chattanooga, TN, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work in the customer service department or a major toy manufacturer that makes small die-cast toy cars that have been very popular not only with kids but with collectors for decades. It is the mid 90s before the rise in online shopping. I get a call one day from an irate parent:)

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling [Toy Manufacturer]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I want to complain about how you distribute the [Toy Car Line]!”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “It is disgraceful and unfair when a parent takes his son to [Big Box Store] that all the toy cars have been bought by collectors and left none for the kids.”

Me: “Yes, I know it can be disappointing. But when some of the cars are released they are very—”

Caller: “Your company needs to do something about it!”

Me: “I… I’m sorry? What do you mean?”

Caller: “You need to tell the stores that they aren’t allowed to sell all the cars to adults. You need to tell them to save some for the kids!”

Me: “Sir, [Toy Manufacturer] can not, nor would we have any way, to tell the stores not to sell their merchandise to someone.”

Caller: “Well, why the h*** not?”

Me: “For one, the store has the right to sell anyway they see fit. They purchase the toys from us, we ship it to them and then they decided what to do with the merchandise they now OWN. Plus, their goal is to sell as much as possible. If someone comes in and wants to buy all their stock, it doesn’t make sense to not allow that person to buy it JUST IN CASE someone MIGHT come in at a later date and buy what’s left.”

Caller: “It’s not fair. You are being unfair to children! You should do something!”

Me: “Well, sir, I don’t know what you expect us to do about it. It’s called a free market.”

Caller: “[Toy Manufacturer] doesn’t care about kids! You just don’t want them to play!” *at this point he starts cussing and yelling*

Me: “Thank you for calling [Toy Manufacturer] and you have a nice day, sir. Good bye!”

(I hang up on him. My manager, who I didn’t know had been listening in on the call, comes up to me.)

Manager: “What an idiot! I was about to tell you to hang up on him when you beat me to it. Good job!”

Me: “Sad thing is it’s not the first call I have gotten like that, nor depressingly, I doubt the last.”

Manager: “Well, what the h*** do they expect us to do?”

Me: “I guess they want us to make the stores ID everyone who comes in to buy the toy car and track who buys what.”

Having A Flight Of Fancy

| London, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Tourists/Travel, Transportation

(I work at a call centre for a well-known airline.)

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Airline]. How can I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I’d like to change my flight; reference is [random succession of numbers].”

Me: “Okay, the number you have provided is not a [Airline] reference. Did you book through a travel agent or third party website?”

Customer: “No, it’s actually a reference for [Different Airline]. Can’t you change it? You all fly planes anyway.”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir, but we operate on an in-house system only used by this airline. I cannot change another airline’s booking through our system. You will need to call the airline direct. Would you like me to try and locate a number?”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Where is your customer service? I have never had my intelligence insulted so badly. Where is your manager? I’ve done something wrong on my booking and it NEEDS to be changed. Change my booking now!”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we are very busy today and our managers are busy dealing with customers of our airline. You will need to call the airline you made the booking with and they will be able to change it for you. Was there anything else?”

Customer: “I will write to your CEO and complain! This is ridiculous. Change my f****** booking right now or I’ll call your manager and get you fired! Where is your customer service, you uneducated p***k?! I am telling you right now, CHANGE MY BOOKING! You all fly F****** PLANES! YOU. FLY. PLANES. It can’t be that f****** hard! I am not calling another airline’s PREMIUM RATE NUMBER when your number is free and you can do it anyway!”

Me: “Ah, so the problem is you don’t want to pay. Well then, sir, in future I suggest checking the price to call before you make a mistake on a booking in future. Now if you don’t mind, I have customers of THIS airline to attend to. Goodbye.”

(I could almost feel him having a mini-aneurism through the phone, along with his white-hot rage at being wrong. Don’t you just love customers?!)

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