Category: Crazy Requests

Some customers can be demanding, but within reason. These customers however make some requests that go beyond demanding, beyond reasonable, beyond possible! These requests, like the customers, are crazy!


Talking Udder Nonsense

| UK | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

(A frosty customer comes in, and asks for the dairy-free brochure. I oblige and talk her through some of our more popular dairy-free dishes, sorted by meat. It’s late in the day and I’m not feeling my best; needless to say, I let myself slip a bit.)

Me: “This [beef dish] here is dairy free.”

Customer: “How can it be?”

Me: “Because it doesn’t contain any dairy products.”

Customer: “But beef is cows and cows are dairy, so how can you possibly claim that?!”

Me: “Well, as it’s beef, it is indeed cows, but it doesn’t have any milk products.”

Customer: “But all cows are dairy!”

Me: *accidentally saying with a sarcastic tone* “Only the female ones, madam.”

(At this point I think that the lady is going to have a go at me; her face is creased and her brows are furrowed. I realise instantly that I’ve said something without thinking. Suddenly her face brightens.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s okay, then; I just didn’t want any dairy.”

(She grabbed the meal and rushed to the till. Phew! I escaped that one!)


Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 3

, | Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I work at a call center for a bank that finances credit cards for several companies: anything from jewelry to gasoline. We handle both consumer and business cards. The craziest call I ever get is from a business account for office supplies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer] and I am authorized by [Accounts Payable] to pay $140.”

(I verify them as authorized on the account. The balance is over $800.)

Me: “I can certainly run that payment for you, but that amount will not postpone further collections activity. The balance is [amount #1] and is five months past due. We need a payment of [amount #2] to prevent the account going to third party collections.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand; I will only pay you $140. If I make this payment, you have to forgive the rest of the debt. I WILL NOT pay you any more, and you WILL NOT charge me any more late fees.”

Me: “I can’t do that. This is a balance that has been accrued on this credit card. It needs to be paid in full or at least paid on time to prevent further fees.”

(Customer ranted on and on about how it wasn’t fair of us to charge him and that he would speak with accounts payable. Then he hung up.)

Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 2
Got To Give Him Credit For Trying


The Sad State Of Cat Food

| WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals

(A woman flags me down for some help finding cat food.)

Customer: “I want something that’s made in the U.S. Nothing from China. And it has to be high protein, high fat. No chicken. He won’t eat that s***.”

Me: “That’s great, because plenty of our cat food are made in the U.S.!” *gestures to one brand* “This one sounds perfect, and it has non-chicken proteins like salmon.”

Customer: “He told me he doesn’t like seafood.”

Me: *thinking how her cat told her this* “Well, it also comes in quail, turkey, venison, and lamb as well. Lots of different meats that don’t go anywhere near the ocean!”

Customer: “What state specifically is it made in?”

Me: “I’m not sure…” *inspecting packaging*

Customer: “Because I don’t buy from redneck states.”

Me: “This one’s made in California.”

Customer: *pause* “Well, I guess made by Mexicans is better than from a redneck state!” *slides an armful of cans into her cart and walks away*


Not Very Closed Minded, Part 19

| UK | Crazy Requests, Time

(It’s about half an hour before the shop I work in opens, and currently we’re just setting up for the day. All of the lights are off, and on all of our doors we have clear signs with our opening hours, as well as signs saying “CLOSED.” All of the doors except for one are locked. A customer walks in through the only open door, after having tried to open all the other locked ones, and picks up a basket.)

Customer: “Why is it so dark in here?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, ma’am, we’re not actually open yet. I’m going to have to ask you to come back later.”

Customer: “What? That’s ridiculous. How was I meant to know you weren’t open? Your door would be locked if you were ACTUALLY closed!”

Me: “Well, with all due respect, ma’am, how would our staff get into work if the doors were all locked?”

(She left, but still couldn’t understand why we had to have a door open for staff to get in.)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 18
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 17
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 16


You Cheap What You Sow

| Canada | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

(I work in a small town hardware store with a garden center. There’s a city a few kilometers away that brings in a lot of traffic, especially during the spring and summer months. A woman approaches the cash registers with a daisy plant. There are several stalks on the plant but about two or three of them are broken.)

Customer: “I was in here yesterday and you had some really nice plants like this, but this is the only one left. Can I get a discount because it’s broken and ugly?”

Me: “Well, we don’t usually give discounts on plants, and there’s only a few broken stalks. I’m sure it’s perfectly healthy.”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay $6 for such an ugly plant. I think I’ll just go to [Competitor]. I don’t even think the poor thing’ll survive.”

Me: “I can get [Coworker] over here. She works more in that department and maybe she can work something out.”

(I page my coworker to come to the registers. All the while this lady keeps repeating the same stuff about how she’d get a better deal at [Competitor] and is generally acting like she’s doing us a favor by buying the plant. I should mention that this woman’s voice is like the human version of the caps lock key. She isn’t yelling or anything, but she’s talking unnecessarily loudly, and it’s grating on my ears. My coworker shows up a minute later.)

Coworker: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “This plant is ugly and broken and I think I should get a discount on it. If I don’t, I’m going to [Competitor].”

(Since we have a reputation for being one of the friendliest stores in the general area, we decide to give her a dollar off. That’s below our cost by about seventy cents and we’d be losing money, but there’s a bit of a line behind her and we just want her to leave.)

Me: “Okay, we talked it over, and we can give the plant to you for $5, but that’s the lowest we can go.”

Customer: “I’ll take it. You wouldn’t be able to sell this thing for full price anyway.”

(She then proceeded to pay for her $5 purchase with a $100 bill.)

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