Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Hey, [His Name]

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Funny Names

(At my deli we have a worker named Naim. We pronounce it exactly the same as the word ‘name.’)

Customer: “How long till the hot chickens come out?”

Coworker #1: “I’m not sure. Hey, Naim, do you know?”

Coworker #2: “Half an hour, I think—”

Customer: “That’s INCREDIBLY rude! Are you just too lazy to learn his name?”

Coworker #2: “But… that is my name.”

(He shows the customer his name tag, and she immediately brightens and apologises.)

Coworker #1: *starts laughing* “If I call anyone Nametag then I’ll be in trouble.” *turns to me* “Right, Nametag?”

(I can’t help but giggle, and the customer just rolls her eyes and walks away.)

Your Card Is A Smoking Gun

| OK, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(I am a cashier at a local convenience store. Normally, I am very sweet and friendly, but today I am having a bad day. Not only did I have a full truck of inventory to check in and put away, but I also have three sections of the store to reset. A man comes in in the midst of the chaos and grabs a few bags of chips, some sandwiches, and several sodas. He goes to the register clearly marked as closed, moves all of my paperwork over, and continues to talk on his cell phone. I smile anyway, taking all of his items and moving them to the open register.)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: *silence*

(I ring up all of his food and place it neatly in bags.)

Me: “That’ll be $12.36.”

(The customer reaches into his pocket and pulls out a food stamp card. It looks as if it has been melted. Half is missing.)

Customer: “It won’t read, so you have to punch in the numbers. The first ones are-”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but I cannot legally accept damaged cards.”

Customer: “They do it all the time at the other store.”

(When I refuse again, he becomes visibly upset.)

Customer: “Fine, just give me some smokes.”

(It is store policy to ask anyone who looks under 40 for their state ID when buying tobacco or alcohol. It must be not be damaged or expired.)

Customer: *hands me the id*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your ID expired in 2011. Do you have another?”

Customer: “THIS IS F****** RIDICULOUS! I’LL JUST GO SOMEWHERE ELSE!” *storming towards the door* “I’m thirty-f******-two years old and—”

Me: “Than act like it, sir. Your tobacco is not worth my job.” *smiling as sweetly as ever* “Have a nice day, sir. Stay safe today.”

Gunning For A Return

| Titusville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I work at a large retailer that sells firearms. This conversation takes place over the phone.)

Customer: “What’s your returns policy on guns?”

Me: “No returns on guns. All sales are final.”

Customer: “Oh. hey, you wanna buy a gun?”

Me: “No.”

A Habitual Hazard

| Saratoga, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m throwing myself in for this one. I call in an order to a local pizza shop. They have a family special which gets you a large pizza and twenty wings. I also work at a chain pizza shop.)

Employee: “[Pizza Place], how can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, I’d like the family special, please. Pizza just cheese, honey barbecue for the wings, and then another order of ten hot wings, extra saucy.”

Employee: “Okay, so the family special, cheese for the pizza, honey barbecue wings, and ten hot wings?”

Me: “Yeah. Anything else?”

Employee: “Wait, what?”

(We both pause, then immediately crack up laughing. I have just asked the woman taking my order if she wanted anything else.)

Me: *through my laughter* “Oh, my god, I’m so embarrassed! I work at a different pizza place and that was just habit!”

Can’t Re-Coup The Plastic

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(It is nearing the end of my shift and so far everybody has been wonderful. A customer comes up to my till, wanting to do multiple transactions. She believes this will get her the best deal with coupons, even though it makes no difference.)

Me: “I can ring it up all together; it would be easier and faster.”

Customer: *in a snippy tone* “No! Separate! But you can bag it together.”

(Not wanting to cause an argument I say nothing else and start ringing her items up, I move to put the first three items into the same bag. It’s a bit snug but still very easy to carry and not at all heavy. But the customer decides to snap at me.)

Customer: “Would you want your items to be bagged like this?”

Me: “Yes, I would. I believe in saving plastic.”

Customer: “I don’t care about saving plastic. Just put it into separate bags.”

(I do so and continue on with her multiple transactions in silence as I’m a bit upset by her rudeness at this point. I finish up and realize that she did not get the best deal that she could have, so trying to be nice I tell her this.)

Me: “Just to let you know, if you have three items and they add up to $45 you could use three $5 off coupons instead of three 20% off coupons…”

Customer: *still incredibly rude* “Do you think I can’t count? I know how to do this. I know what works best.”

($5 off $15 is 33% and 20% of anything is only 20%, it appears as if she cannot count.)

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