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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Can’t Deal With Regular Life

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(This is my first job ever. I’m working concessions when a certain older gentleman who is a well-known actor comes to my counter with his lady friend.)

Guest: “I’ll have a small popcorn please.”

Me: “One regular popcorn. That’ll be $4.25.”

Guest: “I said I’d like a small popcorn. Not a regular size.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Regular is our smallest size.”

Guest: “But you just said I could have a small popcorn. I don’t want to pay for a regular when I ordered a small.”

Me: “Yes, sir. If you look at the display behind me you’ll see our popcorn bags with the three sizes displayed: regular, large, and extra large. It’s really just a name to make them seem bigger, but they are essentially small, medium, and large respectively.”

Guest: “But I just want a small popcorn! I don’t understand of any of this. I just can’t. I can’t DEAL with this.” *to lady* “Can you please? I’ve just got to go sit down.”

Me: “I’m so sorry for the confusion, ma’am.”

Lady: “Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s just getting old. Thank you for being so patient. So a small popcorn?”

Me: “Coming right up.”

(We shared a laugh.)

That’s The Way The Cookie Repeatedly Crumbles

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. Today I’m training a new employee on how to use the register. A woman comes up with a box of cookies. I scan it.)

Woman: “No! The price on those is too high. Cancel it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I cancel it.)

Woman: “Scan it again.”

Me: “Um, okay?”

(I scan it again.)

Woman: “No, the price is still too high. Cancel it.”

Me: “Uh…”

(I cancel it again.)

Woman: “Scan it again.”

Me: “Ma’am, the price isn’t going to change.”

Woman: “You don’t know that!”

(This goes on for several minutes to the point where I have to call a manager over to deal with. Eventually she leaves, without the cookies.)

Trainee: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yup.”

Trainee: “Is customer service always like this?”

Me: “Yup.”

Trainee: “I should get my stupidity vaccine updated, shouldn’t I?”

Me: “Yup.”

Also Forgot His Nuts

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I go to the store to get bananas, and nothing else. I pay for the bananas, and start to walk away, forgetting them at the register.)

Cashier: *holds bananas up and calls to me* “Hey! Your bananas!”

Me: “That’s between me and my psychiatrist, thank you very much!”

(We all have a good chuckle as I return for the bananas.)