Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 41

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at a grocery store. I’ve just run up this customer’s items and she slides a card through the EFTPOS. I get a ‘do not honor’ error on my screen. For whatever reason, sometimes our machines give us this error if someone enters the wrong PIN.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Could you try that again, please?”

(She slides it through again and I see she’s selecting credit, not debit, so it can’t be the incorrect PIN. I get the error message again.)

Me: “I’m very sorry, ma’am, but it’s not going through. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh, sure!”

(She turns to her husband, who dutifully spreads out like a deck of cards at least 15 credit and debit cards. I stare, mouth agape, as she carefully chooses one and slides it through.)

Me: “Uh… well, that one worked.”

Customer: *laughs* “Of course it did! When you run out of money on one, you just move on to the next card in line!”

(Her husband nods and they gather up their groceries. The next customer comes up and shakes her head.)

Customer #2: “I feel sorry for the poor card rep who’ll have to explain to those idiots that money isn’t free when they’re $300,000 in debt.”

Me: “Amen, sister.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 40
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38

Noodling Around The Options

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(Our restaurant has some pretty popular combo dinners. Some people like to change some of the dishes in them. If the dish they want to substitute is close in price to the original, it’s no problem; however, if they want a more expensive dish, we do charge for the difference.)

Woman: “Yes, I want this dinner here, but what is this?”

Me: “The chow mein? That’s mainly bean sprouts with chicken, little bit of mushrooms.”

Woman: *pulls a face* “No, no, I don’t want those. I’m looking for a dish with noodles. Can I do that?”

Me: “Sure, but there’ll be a small charge for the switch. What did you want in the noodles?”

Woman: “I want to keep the chicken, and maybe some vegetables.”

Me: “Okay, that’ll be a $3 charge.”

Woman: “What? Why?”

Me: “Well, the thing with the bean sprouts is a small plate, and it’s $6, while the one with the noodles is a bigger plate, and costs almost $9. It’s just the price difference in the dishes.”

Woman: *pulls another face* “No, that’s too much.”

(She proceeds to keep the bean sprouts, add a $4 dish to her order, and then wants to pay.)

Woman: “Is a $100 bill okay?”

The Times, They Are a’Changin’

| MD, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

Me: “Your total is $4.24.”

Customer: *hands me a twenty*

Me: “Here’s your change.” *hands back $15.76* “Have a wonderful day!”

Customer: “… Didn’t I give you a five?”

Me: “I don’t think so…”

(Customer checks her pocket and pulls out the five she meant to give me.)

Me: “Doesn’t this usually happen the other way around?”

Doesn’t Know Zip About State Secrets

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m currently standing at the register. At this time, we have to ask for a customer’s zip code before proceeding with their transaction, and we are expected to get 70% of customers per day to give us one.)

Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

Customer: “Fine.”

Me: “Can I get your zip code, please?”

Customer: “No. I work for the Secret Service and it would be a breach of national security for you to know anything like that about me.”

Me: “Um… okay.”

(I proceed to ring him out for a transaction over $100. We have to ask for ID on any transaction over a certain amount being charged to a card. The guy pulls out a card and swipes it.)

Me: “Sir, I do need to see an ID if you are using that card.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(He then proceeded to take out his ID and show it to me – which had his zip code along with all his other information.)

Owning The Conversation

| USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Liars & Scammers

(The customer is in her early 20s.)

Customer: “Why can’t you sell me what I want?”

Me: “Because we ran out of muffins.”

Customer: “That’s not good enough. Make some more.”

Me: “We cannot do that as we’re closing in an hour. You can come in tomorrow”.

Customer: “I’m the owner’s daughter. Call him.”

(The original owner is a 60 year old man who has just transferred his business to one of his daughters. He has a second daughter, Sarah, who I never met and don’t know what she looks like.)

Me: “You mean the last owner?”

Customer: “No, the current one.”

Me: “Then it’s not possible.”

Customer: “What are you talking about?”

Me: “Well, the current owner is 27 years old.”

Customer: “Oh, then I’m her sister.”

Me: “You’re Sarah?”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “Okay, I don’t think so. You’re not related. Come back tomorrow for muffins.”

Customer: “D***. This worked at one store at least. That was a year ago..”

Me: “…”

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