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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

In The Case Of Ulysses Versus Jackson:

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(My father is the owner and I am back from college helping him during summer break. I am a 25-year-old male. A woman gets some things and pays with a $50 dollar bill and the man behind her waits patiently. The man then comes up pays for his things with a $20. I hand him his change.)

Man: “Hey, I paid with a fifty! Where’s the rest of my change?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. The change is correct.”

Man: “You’re trying to rip me off! I paid with a f****** FIFTY!”

(Knowing what he’s trying to pull and knowing my dad hates dealing with people like this, I open the till.)

Me: “Nope, no fifty in here.”

Man: “Y… Yes, there is! You’re trying to f****** rip me off!”

Me: “I haven’t received a fifty all day. Now that I look closer I realize you paid with a ten dollar bill while your order was $15.90. I am going to need another 5.90 please.”

(I put my hand out as if I am expecting money. He is completely thrown off at what I have done and gets flustered.)

Man: “I… I want to see a manager NOW!”

Me: “I am the owner’s son. If you don’t pay off the rest of your order I’m going to call the cops.”

(I still have my hand out as if to take his money. The man steps back and looks around stammering to himself.)

Man: “I paid with a $20 and you gave me the correct change.” *bolts out the door*

Be Christian Or Have The Devil To Pay

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I’m a cashier at a large supermarket. There are small charity donation tins at each register; upon receiving their change, customers often deposit their change in these tins.)

Me: “Okay, so your total is $28.40. How will you be paying today?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $30*

Me: “Here’s your $1.60 change. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Wait. You aren’t one of those Satanists, are you?”

Me: “Umm… no? Why?”

Customer: “Good, I just wanted to be sure before donating.”

(The customer puts the change in the charity tin, smiling smugly and dripping with pomp. I feel somewhat unimpressed that this person was going to choose whether to donate or not based purely on my religious preferences rather than out of any kind of human decency or concern for the charity in question.)

Me: “Of course, I’m not a Christian either.” *waving cheerily as the customer backs away in horror and disgust* “Have a lovely day!”

An Oily Customer Slips Right Out

| Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal

(Our supplier sent us bottles of sewing machine oil that, despite being sealed, turned out to be empty. Because the bottles are small and opaque we didn’t realise this until customers started bringing them back. A customer came into the store with a defective bottle.)

Customer: “I had to drive all the way back to your store because this oil bottle was empty. You have no idea how much inconvenience you’ve caused me.”

Me: “I’m very sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. I can offer you either a bottle from the new batch or a refund; it’s up to you.”

Customer: *looks at me as if I’ve asked a stupid question* “I’m obviously going to need more oil. I wouldn’t have bought it if I didn’t.”

(I go and fetch a new bottle and place it on the counter.)

Me: “There, you’re good to go. Once again, I’m very sorry for the inconvenience.”

Customer: *looks at me and blinks*  “Aren’t you going to refund me?”

Me: “Oh, you wanted a refund instead of a new bottle?”

Customer: “Yes! Obviously!”

(I process the refund and hand her the receipt.)

Me: “There you go, all done!”

(She snatches the receipt off me. She then picks up the new bottle of machine oil and starts to walk away with it.)

Me: “Ma’am, wait! I gave you a refund; you can’t take the bottle, too!”

Customer: “It’s compensation.”

Me: “What for?”

Customer: “For the inconvenience you caused me by making me come all the way back to your store.”

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t just take that! It’s stealing!”

(She stuck her nose in the air and walked out before anyone could stop her.)