Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

That’s The Way The Cookie Repeatedly Crumbles

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m a cashier at the local grocery store. Today I’m training a new employee on how to use the register. A woman comes up with a box of cookies. I scan it.)

Woman: “No! The price on those is too high. Cancel it.”

Me: “Okay.”

(I cancel it.)

Woman: “Scan it again.”

Me: “Um, okay?”

(I scan it again.)

Woman: “No, the price is still too high. Cancel it.”

Me: “Uh…”

(I cancel it again.)

Woman: “Scan it again.”

Me: “Ma’am, the price isn’t going to change.”

Woman: “You don’t know that!”

(This goes on for several minutes to the point where I have to call a manager over to deal with. Eventually she leaves, without the cookies.)

Trainee: “Did that really just happen?”

Me: “Yup.”

Trainee: “Is customer service always like this?”

Me: “Yup.”

Trainee: “I should get my stupidity vaccine updated, shouldn’t I?”

Me: “Yup.”

Also Forgot His Nuts

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, One-Liners

(I go to the store to get bananas, and nothing else. I pay for the bananas, and start to walk away, forgetting them at the register.)

Cashier: *holds bananas up and calls to me* “Hey! Your bananas!”

Me: “That’s between me and my psychiatrist, thank you very much!”

(We all have a good chuckle as I return for the bananas.)

How To Fry Their Canadian Bacon

, | Quebec, QC, Canada | At The Checkout, Geography

(I’m a European immigrant: I don’t necessarily look foreign, as I’ve been told by some… But I sound foreign. While serving an older customer:)

Customer: “And what race are you?”

Me: “I’m from the human race, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, of course? I mean what “race” are you?”

Me: “There are no race among humans, ma’am. If you want to know my phenotype, I’m Caucasian, like you.”

Customer: “I’m a proud Canadian!”

Me: “That’s your nationality, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, uh, I’m never shopping here again!”

In The Case Of Ulysses Versus Jackson:

| MI, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

(My father is the owner and I am back from college helping him during summer break. I am a 25-year-old male. A woman gets some things and pays with a $50 dollar bill and the man behind her waits patiently. The man then comes up pays for his things with a $20. I hand him his change.)

Man: “Hey, I paid with a fifty! Where’s the rest of my change?”

Me: “No, you didn’t. The change is correct.”

Man: “You’re trying to rip me off! I paid with a f****** FIFTY!”

(Knowing what he’s trying to pull and knowing my dad hates dealing with people like this, I open the till.)

Me: “Nope, no fifty in here.”

Man: “Y… Yes, there is! You’re trying to f****** rip me off!”

Me: “I haven’t received a fifty all day. Now that I look closer I realize you paid with a ten dollar bill while your order was $15.90. I am going to need another 5.90 please.”

(I put my hand out as if I am expecting money. He is completely thrown off at what I have done and gets flustered.)

Man: “I… I want to see a manager NOW!”

Me: “I am the owner’s son. If you don’t pay off the rest of your order I’m going to call the cops.”

(I still have my hand out as if to take his money. The man steps back and looks around stammering to himself.)

Man: “I paid with a $20 and you gave me the correct change.” *bolts out the door*

Be Christian Or Have The Devil To Pay

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(I’m a cashier at a large supermarket. There are small charity donation tins at each register; upon receiving their change, customers often deposit their change in these tins.)

Me: “Okay, so your total is $28.40. How will you be paying today?”

Customer: “Cash.” *hands me $30*

Me: “Here’s your $1.60 change. Thank you, and have a nice day!”

Customer: “Wait. You aren’t one of those Satanists, are you?”

Me: “Umm… no? Why?”

Customer: “Good, I just wanted to be sure before donating.”

(The customer puts the change in the charity tin, smiling smugly and dripping with pomp. I feel somewhat unimpressed that this person was going to choose whether to donate or not based purely on my religious preferences rather than out of any kind of human decency or concern for the charity in question.)

Me: “Of course, I’m not a Christian either.” *waving cheerily as the customer backs away in horror and disgust* “Have a lovely day!”

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