Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Would Have Been Ice To Know

| USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(My coworker just finished making a drink for this woman who had been watching her intently the whole time and is handing it to the customer at the end of the bar.)

Coworker: “Here is your drink!”

Customer: “Oh, I wanted that iced.”

Coworker: “Well, ma’am, just so you know, that is important to say when you order your drink.”

I Literally Just Told You

| Jacksonville, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(My store hands out this cash coupon where if you spend a certain amount in a previous purchase you get a certain dollar amount off your purchase on a selected weekend in the future. During that weekend if you didn’t receive a cash coupon we send out a regular 15% off your purchase coupon to use. Neither can be combined.)

Customer: “Ugh, how do you know it’s not combinable!?”

Manager: “Well, I’m literate and read the back of the coupon where it says it can’t be combined with any other discount.”

We Will Never Be Loyals

Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m at the register, paying for my items…)

Cashier: “Hi. Do you have your loyalty card ready?”

Me: *smiling* “Oh, I don’t have one.”

Cashier: “Would you like to sign up for one?”

Me: “Oh, no, thank you. I’m not very loyal to one shop!”

Cashier: *laughs, and then looks at me properly for the first time* “Oh, I can see that!”

(Thanks…?)

The Customer Is Not Always Copyright, Part 2

| Lincoln, NE, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

(I am working at the customer service desk at a well-known box store. A customer comes in to return some movies. He looks a little shady and his voice/actions are entirely monotone, but he seems normal enough.)

Customer: “I would like to return these.” *he dumps a few movies on my counter; they are all unwrapped*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Since these are already open I can’t return them for you. If there is something wrong with them, I can exchange them for copies of the same discs.”

Customer: “No. I want to return these. You need to accept them.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but copyright law prohibits me from—”

Customer: “You know, I could just sue you.”

(I think he’s joking, so I laugh.)

Customer: “I have won lawsuits against [Fast Food chain] and [Giant box store] and I will sue your a**.”

(I’m still not entirely convinced he’s serious. His voice is almost cartoonishly monotone and he’s showing no signs of anger.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but there’s nothing I can do unless you want to exchange these.”

Customer: *picks up DVDs* “I’ll be back. I’ve won a million dollars against [Fast Food chain]. You will lose.”

Me: *calling after him* “Good luck with that!”

(I never see him again.)

Related:
The Customer Is Not Always Copyright

Something Fowl About That Menu

| Japan | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I work at a fried chicken restaurant, but there is a burger restaurant across the parking lot. Our buildings are in no way similar and our menus are two different styles and very different colors. A customer pulls up to the drive through window.)

Recorded Message: “Welcome to [Chicken Restaurant]! Would you like a combo today?”

Me: “Hello, may I help you today?”

Customer: “Um… give me a minute. I want to look at the menu.”

Me: “Ok. Just let us know when you’re ready.”

(About two minutes later:)

Customer: “Okay. I’m ready.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can we get you today?”

Customer: “Can I have two double cheeseburgers?”

(My jaw drops a bit and I just kind of stare at my managers for a moment before I just start laughing.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is [Chicken Restaurant]. We only serve chicken, not burgers.”

Customer: “This isn’t [Burger Restaurant]?”

Me: “No ma’am, this is [Chicken Restaurant]. The burger place is across the parking lot.”

Customer: “Oh.”

(The customer drives away. My managers are now shaking their heads while I’m doubled over laughing.)