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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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Smoked Sausage

| Leicestershire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m working the till on a morning shift in the middle of the week and it’s fairly quiet, as it’s the time of day when most people are at work or school, when a customer walks up to the bakery stand and makes a show of reading the labels on the bags of sausage rolls.)

Customer: *loudly, but to nobody in particular* “Good!”

(He walks up to my till and places a couple of bags of the sausage rolls and a few other items on it.)

Customer: *sounding very proud of himself* “I saw there weren’t any genetically modified ingredients on the label. It says if they are now.” *Note that such a law has been recently implemented in the USA, but it’s been the case here for over a year* “It’s important to be careful about what you eat.”

(I didn’t want to argue, so I just nodded and brought up the weather. After I ring up his purchases…)

Me: “Can I get you anything else?”

Customer: “25 grams of [Rolling Tobacco].”

(After I handed it over, he didn’t bother to check the label.)

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Closing On A High

| Orem, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Time

(I’m a 19-year-old closing shift manager, who has one other employee with me. I come from a very strict religious family, in a very conservative town, so I can say that I’m a bit naive about certain things. One night just as I am walking to lock the doors at 10:58 pm, someone walks up and catches me.)

Customer: “Aww, are you closing? I just wanted a couple of burgers.”

Me: *thinking that technically we had two minutes* “Well we are about to close, but we can make a couple of burgers. No problem.”

Customer: *at the register* “Okay, let me have 18 burgers, 16 fries, 2 onion rings and 18 [Soda]s.”

Me: *knowing that once he is in the store, by policy I have to serve him, I’m fuming* “Okay, sir, but that is a lot of food, and we aren’t set up for that much. Everything has to be cooked from scratch. It’s going to take quite some time.” *hoping he will change his mind*

Customer: “That’s okay. I’ll wait…”

(After spending almost twenty minutes cooking all this food, it’s finally ready.)

Me: *trying to hide my anger at having to stay well past the end of my shift* “Thank you for you order; here you go.”

Customer: “Hey, thanks, dude. Here, I have a tip for you, since you were so nice to stay and cook for me.”

(The then hands me a small envelope. I just want him to leave, so I can go home, so I take it and walk him out. I head back to the office and start with my closing duties.)

Fellow Employee: “So what did that guy give you in the envelope?”

Me: “I don’t know. I didn’t look.” *opening the envelope, it’s full of marijuana, which I’ve actually never seen before in my life* “What the heck is this?”

Fellow Employee: “Well, that explains a lot.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Fellow Employee: “He had the munchies…” *turning around, leaving me holding my first and last bag of weed*

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Turning Alcohol Into Whine

| Wickham, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Religion

(Due to an unknown genetic disease, I’ve been left with almost no sense of smell. On this particular night, a drunk man comes in and accidentally drops his bottle of alcohol on the floor. Being the only one who can’t smell it, my supervisor sends me to clean the mess when this interaction occurs. Note that I am 19 and have moved out of home by this time.)

Customer: “Oh, darling, it mustn’t be very nice having to clean up after other people. But don’t you be getting high off of those alcohol fumes!”

Me: “Well, I don’t think you can get intoxicated just by inhaling this stuff, but I’m not bothered by the smell much.”

Customer: “I suppose you mustn’t be. A lot of children like you have drunken parents. I’m sorry you have to go home to that.”

Me: *a bit offended* “I actually moved out of home last year. I turn 20 soon and my parents never drank.”

Customer: “Now, you can try to cover for them but it’s okay to tell people about living with parents addicted to alcohol. Did they force you to drink? Is that why you aren’t bothered by the smell?”

Me: *rather irate at this point* “I have a disease. I can’t smell because of that. I’d like to stop talking to you about this now, if you don’t mind.”

(The customer bows and shakes her head slowly, and I can hear her tutting.)

Customer: “So they got to you too, did they? Poor innocent youth…Yes, addiction is a disease, but you can overcome it by listen to the word of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

(By this point I’m astonished by her stupidity, and the mess is all clean. After giving her a weird look, I walk away and wonder what the heck just happened!)

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Making A Messy Diaper Of Things

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids

(I work in a small gas station that has a small aisle of hygienic products tampons, diapers, soap, etc. A guy who looks about twenty three walks in and goes over to the aisle, he stays for a moment, looking in his wallet a few times before coming up with two boxes of diapers and a pack of tampons. He’s behind an older man with two cases of beer and a box of diapers.)

Older Man: *mutters* “I only have ten f****** dollars…” *places diapers off to the side and pushes beer towards me*

(The man pays for his beer and leaves, muttering about how mad his wife’s gonna be when he gets home without diapers. The younger man steps forward and put his stuff down. When he saw the price he smiled a bit.)

Young Man: “And a pack of [Brand] cigarettes. But I can actually put my kid and girlfriend before habits.”

(He had his ID and everything.)

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Fine Print And A Fine Wife

| Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I get a page that a customer is heading to check out. I head over to the register to ring them up, an older couple holding one of our “take me” tags with item numbers on them.)

Me: “Hey, how was your shopping experience?”

Wife: “It was nice; we need two of these today, please.”

Husband: “They’re on sale.”

Me: “Great! Let me make sure we have them in stock.” *I page back to the warehouse and get the okay that we have them* “Okay, so we have them. Did you want us to have them built? It’s 80 a piece.”

Wife: *pointing to husband* “That’s what he is for.”

(All three of us laugh, I begin scanning in the numbers they come up 219.99.)

Husband: “That’s wrong; you have a sign that says 40% off!”

Me: *dreading this since it will be the fourth time today dealing with this issue* “Well, sir… it actually it’s up to 40% off on select—”

Husband: “Right, select, and it was part of it!”

Wife: “Calm down.”

Me: “I will check for you but I am pretty sure this is not part of this offer.”

(Still remaining calm I page back to a coworker who checks and it comes back not on sale no signs are near it either.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that desk is not part of—”

Husband: “That is false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way but it is no—”

Husband: “Yes, it is! There are signs everywhere!” *points to the first sign walking in the door about the up to* “See? How was I supposed to know it’s not one of the select ones?!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you read the fin—”

Husband: “The fine print, missy. I am—”

Me: “Sir, please refrain from calling me by anything other than my name, [My Name].”

Husband: “Now, listen here, m—”

Wife: “Enough, [Husband]. Leave the girl alone. I told you it wasn’t on sale. [My Name], please ring this up, I saw that if I have a rewards I can save 10%. Is this true?”

Me: “Yes, may I have your phone number?”

Wife: “Of course.” *glaring at her husband, gives the number*

(Her husband has snuck outside to smoke.)

Wife: “I’m sorry about him. He tries this all the time.”

Me: “No worries, I’m just glad I could help you out. Would you like one of us to load these into your car?”

Wife: *thinks for a moment and smirks* “No, I think I will have [Husband] do it; maybe it will teach him.”

Me: *laughs* “Well, if you decided he has learned his lesson feel free to ask for our help. Good luck; have a great day!”

Wife: “Thanks for the help.” *leaves as I look out the window I see her ripping him a new one and he comes in to get the desks refusing to look at me*

Me: “Have a great day, sir!”

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