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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Could Out-Trump Trump

| Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Religion

(I am working for centre management for a shopping centre when a customer wishes to complain about the ‘tolerance’ of a Muslim butcher who chooses not to stock pork.)

Customer: “If you don’t have grandchildren or children then you’re not properly Australian.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You believe if you don’t have children at all, then you’re not Australian?”

Customer: “That’s right. Do you have grandchildren?”

Me: “No. I’m in my 30s.”

Customer: “Do you have children?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “I just don’t.”

Customer: “Were you born in Australia?”

Me: “Yes.” *a lie, but it was easier to say yes*

Customer: “Well, you’re MOSTLY Australian, then.”

(Eventually getting back to his complaint about the butcher…)

Customer: “All Muslims want to take over the world with their lifestyle and practices and eradicate our culture. They say it all the time!”

Me: “I have several Muslim friends who don’t share that view.”

Customer: “Well you are one of the very few people in the world who are friends with a Muslim. And do you know we’ve got a female Prime Minister?” *we did at the time* “She’s conspiring with the Muslims, supporting their takeover because secretly, SHE IS ONE!”

Me: “I think you ought to shop for your meat elsewhere, mate.”

These Customers Have Totally Checked Out

| Fargo, ND, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(The customer returns $680 worth of purses.)

Me: “Okay… so that will be $680 going back onto your Visa card.”

Customer: “I can’t have cash?”

Me: “No, we can only do returns in the way that you made the purchase and it says here that you used your Visa card.”

Customer: “I just want the cash.”

Me: “I can only give you your money back in the way you paid. So $680 will be going back onto your Visa card.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid and calls her husband over*

Husband: “She just wants cash.”

Me: “Yes, well, if she had paid in cash I would be able to do that, but since she used her Visa card the money will be transferred back onto that account.”

Customer: “So, they are going to send me a check?”

Me: “No, the money just gets transferred back into your account.”

Husband: “But she already paid that.”

Me: “Exactly, and now that we are doing the return she will be getting that money back on her account.”

Husband: “So, they are going to be sending her a check.”

Me: “No, it will be transferred onto her Visa card.”

Husband: *looks at wife* “They will just send you a check.”

Me: “Okay… here’s your receipt. Thank you.”

Bartering Bars At The Bar

| Norway | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

(I work as a bouncer in a pub and overhear the following while standing behind the bar.)

Girl: “One beer, please.”

Bartender: “That will be 86 kroner.”

(She puts her card in the terminal.)

Bartender: “The transaction was declined; do you have another card or cash?”

Girl: *pours out five nutria-bars from her purse* “Will this be enough?”

(Not surprisingly, I had to throw her out a few minutes later.)