icon_checkout

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

icon_fooddrink

My Milkshake Brings All The Crazies To The Yard

| Baton Rouge, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(Our restaurant sells milkshakes in four regular flavors and varies an extra one depending on the time of year; peppermint in winter, peach in summer, etc.)

Customer: “And I’d like an eggnog milkshake too.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. We don’t carry eggnog milkshakes. We do have our peppermint chocolate chip milkshake, though, as well as chocolate, strawberry, cookies and creme, or vanilla.”

Customer: “No, no, I got an eggnog one here last time. I want it again.”

Me: “I do apologize, but we don’t have that flavor.”

Customer: *not mad, simply very confused* “So… you can’t make me an eggnog milkshake?”

Me: “No, I don’t have the right ingredients to do that.”

Customer: “But I got one last time.”

(I suddenly remember seeing an ad for another restaurant down the road that has eggnog milkshakes. We don’t like to send customers to other shops if we can help it, but I feel bad for her, so I smile and tell her where she can get an eggnog milkshake. She lights up.)

Customer: “Thank you so much! Please forgive an old lady for being forgetful. I’m going to take my food to go then so I can get a milkshake to go with it.”

(After she leaves, the customer behind her comes up to order:)

Next Customer: “Well, that sounded completely gross. I’ll take a peppermint milkshake any day!”

icon_money

Using Old Jokes Are No Joke

| Burlington, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Money, Popular

(I am so sick and tired of fake laughing at this same joke. This time I play stupid. I am using a machine to check some bills for authenticity.)

Customer: “Are they good? I just made them this morning!”

Me: *stern, serious look on my face* “You printed these bills yourself?”

Customer: “Uh, no, I… Hehe, it was a joke.”

Me: “You realize printing counterfeit bills is a very serious felony? You could go to jail for 14 years.”

Customer: “Yes, I, uh… but they’re good, right? I was kidding.”

Me: “You’re lucky my machine isn’t showing any signs that they are counterfeit. But you should be more careful next time; it’s not something to joke about.”

(The customer nodded gravely, and left with his purchase and change. I don’t think I’ll be hearing that joke from him again!)

icon_awesome

The Kicker? They Didn’t Kick Anyone

| IA, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Popular

(I am the customer in this story. It’s a Thursday and I’m at the end of my errands which have not been going well, especially at this place. I approach the clerk at the express checkout lane with my handful of items that took half an hour to gather.)

Clerk: “Hello, how are you doing today?”

Me: *frustrated and exhausted* “Hi, I’m terrible; how are you?”

Clerk: *she’s clearly taken back for a moment* “I’m sorry to hear that. Can I help?”

Me: “I’m sorry, this the sixth store I’ve been to today. It’s crowded everywhere; people are blocking the aisles and just wandering around like they’ve never been shopping before. How can two people obliviously stand and block an entire aisle without realizing they’re being rude to everyone else?”

Clerk: “Yes, they are the worst.”

Me: *defeated sigh* “I managed to not kick anyone.”

Clerk: “And I’m proud of you for it!”

(Thank you, underpaid grocery clerk, for listening to my problem. You made my day *so* much better.)

icon_spouses

Trained To Avoid Their Baggage

| UK | At The Checkout, Money, Spouses & Partners

(I’m working on the till and a customer approaches with a birthday card. As in all large stores in England, we have to charge 5p for carrier bags. We’ve been receiving plenty of grief from customers who seem think the charge is up to the cashier, but this one was especially irate.)

Me: “That’ll be £3, please.”

Customer: *gives me a shocked/disgusted look, despite the price being clearly on the back of the card* “Why should I have to pay £3 for this card? Why, just because it’s got [Company] on the back? Why should I have to pay that?”

Me: *deciding to assume it’s a rhetorical question* “Do you need a 5p bag?”

Customer: “A 5p bag? A 5P BAG? I’m paying £3 for a card and now you want to charge me 5p for a bag?”

Me: “Okay, just the card, then. That’ll be £3.”

Customer: *calls her husband over* “Look at this. I have to pay £3 for this card and now she wants me to pay 5p for a bag. RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: “RIDICULOUS.”

(I think they might have actually both malfunctioned at this point.)

Customer: “I can’t believe you want us to pay 5p for bags when you charged me this much for a card.”

Me: “Here’s your change. Thank you. Goodbye!”

Customer: *storms off* “RIDICULOUS.”

Husband: *follows obediently behind his wife* “RIDICULOUS.”

icon_ruderisque

This Job Blows

| Perth, WA, Australia | At The Checkout, Popular, Rude & Risque

(I’m working on the drive-thru window at a fast food restaurant and I’ve just finished taking the order for a car in the queue.)

Me: “Would you like anything else with that?”

Customer: “Yeah, a blow-j*b.”

Me: “Well, mate, if you can get it up to the window…”

(He drove straight through without his order.)

Page 50/367First...4849505152...Last