Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Insert Inert

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “With credit”

Me: *clicks button on screen* “Okie dokie, insert whenever you’re ready.”

(The customer holds up her card. Like most cards these days, it has a chip. She tries to swipe it and the machine times out.)

Me: “Your card is a chip so you will have to insert it. Let’s try it now.”

(Customer swipes again.)

Me: “You have to insert.”

(She turns her card over and tries to swipe again.)

Me: “No, see the chip at the end of your card?”

(She turns her card so that she swipes the chip.)

Me: “You have to insert it! See the slot at the bottom there? Put the end with the chip in there.”

(The customer stared at the slot. Confused, she gave her card to me and I correctly inserted it for her.)

The Unholy Receipt

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(I am standing in line and overhear this exchange between the current customer and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Your total is $6.66.”

(There is an awkward pause as they both kind of look around.)

Cashier: “Do you want to add on a candy bar?”

Customer: “No… I just won’t look at it.”

Cashier: “And just throw the receipt away?”

Customer: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Just don’t throw it away in here!”

Customer: “No, I will throw it away outside!”

(The transaction finishes with a couple of laughs and smiles and the customer walks out the door with her purchase.)

The Drunken Taste Of Lawlessness

| OH, USA | At The Checkout, Popular, Underaged

(I work in a well-known chain superstore. Our policy for alcohol sales is that we must see proper identification from all parties present with the exception of an obvious parent/child party. It is also important to note that Ohio law states that a customer must provide a valid ID if asked, and a store employee may ask at their own discretion.)

Me: “Hello. I will need to see both ID’s to process this alcohol sale.”

Customer #1: “Why do you need to see both?”

Me: “It is the—”

Customer #1: “That is illegal; you can’t require that both of us have an ID.”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, I am required by policy to have proper identification from all parties of the alcohol sale or I cannot—”

Customer #1: “So, it is [Store]’s policy, which is against the law. I could sue.”

(Meanwhile, Customer #2 is retrieving his ID. I check both identification cards and process the sale.)

Me: “Your total is…”

Customer #1: “What if I have my child and I am buying alcohol?”

Me: “If it is obviously your child it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Customer #2: “Well what if I had my step-daughter?”

Me: “That would be a child, sir. It won’t be a problem if you are not buying it for her.”

Customer #1: “Well, it is stupid and against the law.”

(I hand her the receipt.)

Me: “Have a great day, ma’am.”

Customer #1: “Good luck breaking the law; someone will sue you.”

Customer #3: *a little old woman, clearly appalled by Customer #2’s attitude* “Don’t worry, sweetie. I don’t have alcohol, and even if i did I know the law!”

Expressing About The Express Lane, Part 2

| NS, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(I am working at the customer service desk, which has a five-item limit so that customers who actually need help at the desk don’t have to wait forever behind people who are just buying groceries. Despite the neon pink signs stating the limit people will come through with way more than five, but will usually apologize and say they didn’t see the sign. However…)

Me: *in the middle of ringing through 10-15 items* “Just to let you know for next time sir, this desk is for one to five items only.”

Customer: *in casual, uncaring tone* “Yeah, I know. I read the sign.”

Me: *speechless*

Related:
Expressing About The Express Lane

Got Everything Wrong

, | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Popular

Customer: “I want three tacos with everything.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. What did you mean by ‘everything’?”

Customer: “You know, everything.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know what you mean. We have a lot of different ingredients that we can put on your tacos. Which ones would you like?”

Customer: *getting agitated* “You know, everything!”

Me: “We have ‘supreme’ tacos which come with sour cream, lettuce, cheese and tomatoes. Would you like three Supreme Tacos?”

Customer: “Yes! That’s it! With onions and everything!”

Me: “So, three Supreme Tacos with onions and what else would you like on them?”

Customer: “You know, everything!”

Me: *reading off our list of ingredients in order* “So you want three tacos with beef, chicken, steak, red sauce, chili, beans…”

Customer: *interrupts* “No, no, no! I didn’t say I wanted all that! I didn’t say to get all ludicrous about it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m just trying to figure out what you want on your tacos.”

Customer: “Everything!” *she then leaves the drive-thru without saying another word*

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