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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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On The Cliff-Edge Of Acceptable Humor

| Austin, TX , USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

Me: “How are you doing today?”

Cashier: “Well, you know, some days are okay and some days you want to jump off a cliff?”

Me: “Oh, honey, don’t do that. Push someone over first, so you have something to land on when you fall.”

Cashier: *grins*

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Hexed The Decimal

| Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money, Popular

(A woman approaches my counter to purchase a washer. I ring her up with no problems, until we reach the very end.)

Woman: “Hey, did you take off my 10% discount? This is on sale.”

(I’m somewhat baffled, as this is the first time she’s mentioned a discount, but I look anyway.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am. The computer does it automatically.”

Woman: “Okay.”

(The customer then pays with a gift card, three credit cards, and $50 in cash. I finish the transaction and send her on her way. Ten minutes later, an angry gentleman approaches my counter.)

Man: “Hey, girl! You ripped my wife off! There’s no way this cost that much!”

Me: “Sir, I’ll happily look, though I’m fairly sure this is correct.”

Man: “No! It isn’t! You didn’t take off my discount.”

Me: “Okay. Do you want me to break this down, so you can see?”

Man: “Yeah, if you CAN. You cashiers use the computer so much that I doubt you’re capable of basic math!”

(I’m annoyed, but instead of remarking on it, I write down the original price of the item on a piece of paper and, by hand, multiply it by 0.9. )

Man: “Wait! Why are you doing that? It’s a ten-percent discount!”

Me: “Yes, sir. Which means you’re still paying 90%, right?”

Man: “Duh! I’m not stupid! But you multiplied that by a decimal! Not a percent!”

Me: “Well, sir, they’re the same thing. 90% is the same as 0.9.”

Man: “No, it isn’t! God, why does [Store] hire such stupid people?”

Me: “Sir, if you let me finish, I assure you that we’ll know if this receipt is correct.”

(The customer huffs but says nothing. I calculate out the rest of his purchase, with tax, and subtract his payment methods. My result is exactly the same as the one on his receipt.)

Me: “See, sir? I assure you it’s correct.”

Man: “No! I don’t think you know what you’re doing! That math is just insane! I want to speak to a manager!”

(To my surprise, my manager doesn’t understand it either, so I have to repeat myself to him. The customer still claims we’ve cheated him.)

Me: “Sir, I assure you that this is correct.”

Man: “Well, it’s clearly not, if your manager can’t figure it out!”

New Customer: “For God’s sake, I’m a math professor! Let me look at this!”

(The new customer comes around and looks at it.)

New Customer: *to Man* “Well, sir, I regret to inform you that this ‘stupid cashier’ is absolutely correct. If there’s something wrong with the math, it’s definitely yours.”

Man: “Well, I… well, she didn’t explain it right!”

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Seriously Needs Some Change

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(A group of five friends come up to the stand to buy pretzels. We have a deal going on: buy three pretzels get the fourth for free.)

Customer #1: “We need FIVE pretzels.”

Me: “All right. You’re going to be getting one of those for free today, so your total is going to be $12.36!”

Customer #1: *hands me their card, gets declined*

Me: “Oh! Your card was declined.” *inspects card a bit more to find that it’s a gift card that says $24 on it written in sharpie*

Customer #1: “Well, I just used it in a store five minutes ago, so it should be working. Scan it again!”

Me: “How much did you spend at the store?”

Customer #1: “Uhm. Like $14.”

Me: “The card has $24 , so since you spent $14, you only have $10 and the order is $12.36.”

Customer #1: “Um, okay.” *to Customer #2* “Gimme $2!”

Customer #2: *slowly digs through purse to find a wad of singles; [Customer #1] snatches $2*

Customer #1: *to Customer #3* “Gimme $0.36!”

Customer #3: *dumps out change purse on counter and counts out $0.36 in pennies*

Me: “Thank you… Now I just need to rescan your card to get the $10 since it declined it the first time!”

Customer #1: *hands me a $20*

(I and all the other customers just stared at her in disbelief.)