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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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Can’t Quite PIN Down This Email

| WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The pin pads at our store allow the customer the option of getting an emailed receipt when they use a debit or credit card. Unfortunately, some form of this conversation happens at least once daily:)

Pin Pad: “Would you like an email receipt? [Yes] [No].”

Me: “There’s one more question there for you; it’s asking if you would like an email receipt.”

Customer: “Oh, no. Just the paper one.” *hits yes*

Pin Pad: “Please enter your email.”

Customer: “I don’t want an emailed receipt! Why is it asking for my email?!”

Me: “You hit yes…”

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Many A Slip Twixt Cup And Scam

| TX, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Popular

(I work the registers at a big box retailer. At the end of every transaction, I look down the line to make sure there aren’t any special attention items coming my way. A customer has a large stack of $1 cups in his basket the first time I look at him, but they are gone the second.)

Me: “Hello! How are you doing today? Did you find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m okay.”

(At this point I’ve already scanned three items, and sure enough every one of them has rung up as a cup. My favorite way to deal with shoplifters is to pretend to be completely dense, while talking loudly about their shoplifting.)

Me: “Well, that’s very strange. Somehow those last three items got the wrong label on them. Let me just take a moment and fix that.”

Customer: *looks up from his wallet* “Oh, um. That’s fine.”

(I continue to scan his order, removing every single cup label from every item.)

Me: “Boy, this is just so strange. I don’t know how this could have happened. But strange things seem to happen around here from time to time.”

Customer: “Uh… haha, yeah. I… I don’t know how that happened either.”

Me: “Well, your total comes to $245.50.”

Customer: “Hey uh, I… I left my uh, wallet in the car. I’m going to go get that.”

Me: “Okay, well, we can hold on to your order for up to 24 hours.”

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Must Be Another Trump Supporter

| Cornwall, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Politics

(I am working a busy evening shift in my local village store. Normally our customers are fine but every now and then, one comes in drunk. My till is right by the newspapers.)

Me: “Good evening, sir. Having a nice night?”

Customer: *nodding at the papers* “They should just nuke them.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Those d*** terrorists. We should just nuke them.”

Me: “Er… I’m not sure that would be a good idea, sir.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Well, for one, terrorists organisations aren’t exactly in one particular location like a country, and two, it’s never a good idea to drop nuclear weapons.”

Customer: “We should f***ing nuke them!”

Me: “Very good, sir. You have a nice night.”