Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

When Onions Make You Laugh

| USA | At The Checkout

(I am the customer in this story. I frequently shop at a local produce store where a friend of mine works. I notice her register is empty, so I decide to jokingly give her a bit of a hard time.)

Me: “Hey. You. Why are the onions over here more than the onions over there?”

Friend: “Well, they’re different onions.”

Me: “No, they’re not. They have the same produce code.”

Friend: “Oh, well, I don’t know then.”

Me: “Well, just so you know, I’m getting my onions from over there.”

(As a man has gotten in line now, I go back to my shopping. When I’m ready to check out, I go to my friend’s register.)

Friend: “You know, after you left earlier, that guy was like, ‘I’m sorry you got yelled at like that. You shouldn’t have to deal with people like that.’ I kept trying to tell him it’s okay; I know you!”

(To that man, wherever you are, I’m sorry! I’m not really like that. I was just having some fun with my friend.)

Fails To Register

| CO, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(Our store has six registers to check out customers with. Registers #1 and #2 are currently being in use with little to no line. I’m behind the customer service counter checking some merchandise. Customer service has a register, but only the managers are allowed to use it. A man comes up to the counter with a $0.97 CD.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, this register isn’t open. If you want to—”

Customer: *screams at the top of his lungs* “GOD D*** IT! WELL, I AIN’T BUYING IT THEN!”

(The customer stomps to the exit. He screams one last thing behind him.)


(If he had turned around, he would have seen that register one was open without a line. My coworker comes around the counter and picks up the CD.)

Coworker: “Oh, no, what will we ever do without his $0.97? We’ll all starve!”

That Explains My New Ferrari

| USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Money, Popular

(One month, we’re asking customers if they would like to make a donation for poor families in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, no one is having much luck. Finally, one man I ask agrees to donate five dollars.)

Me: “Oh, thank you! You’re the first person today to say yes!”

Customer: “Not much luck, huh?” *he leans forward, smiles, and lowers his voice* “You wanna know a trick?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “So we can donate one, three, or five dollars, right? Instead of asking ‘Would you like to donate?’ ask if they want to donate one dollar. Then as the month goes by, gradually raise the number to three, then five. You’ll get lots of people to donate one dollar, and if they come back later they’ll remember you, trust you, and agree to donate more.”

Me: “I’m not sure if it’ll work, but thanks!”

(A week goes by…sure enough, his idea is working! He comes back again later and I tell him about my sudden success after trying his trick.)

Me: “Where’d you learn that, anyway?”

Customer: *smiles wide* “I’m a car salesman.”