Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Mummy And Daddy Play Too

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

(I work in a little touristy/toy store for kids and all ages. Near the till we have a lot of gag stuff displayed like funny books, fake dog poop, etc. One of the items we have is a set of toy handcuffs. I am checking out a mother.)

Little Girl: *probably around four* “Oh, mommy, look! Handcuffs!”

Mom: “You don’t need those; put them back.” *continues with transaction*

Little Girl: “Not for me; for you! You said you wanted to handcuff daddy!”

Mom: “No, I didn’t!”

Little Girl: “Yeah, you did; you said you wanted to handcuff daddy but we didn’t have handcuffs, remember? Well, here. I think these are the ones. You can handcuff daddy now.”

Mom: “No, we don’t need those.”

Me: *now finished and trying very hard to not laugh* “Have a nice day!”

(They left without the handcuffs but the girl said ‘you wanted to handcuff daddy’ a few more times!)

Credited For Trying

| NC, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Time

(I’ve been working since pre-opening hours and it’s close to closing time. I’m expected to ask customers if they would like to apply for the store credit card.)

Me: “Would you like to apply for the credit card and save 10% off your first purchase with it?”

Customer: *looks at her daughter, who nods* “Yeah, I’ll do it.”

(I proceed to sign her up for the card and finish my end of the process.)

Me: “Ma’am, the system says you weren’t automatically approved for the card tonight, but you’ll be getting a notification in the next few days about it, and once you’re approved, you’ll receive your 10% on your next purchase.”

Customer: “What? You lied to me! You said I’d get 10% off this purchase. I’m a manager at [unintelligible mumbling] and we would never falsely lead a customer into such traps. I want you to give me my 10%! I want a manager.”

Me: “I’m sorry for the confusion, ma’am. You get the 10% when you’re approved, but I can get my manager if you like.”

Customer: “Oh, forget it! I don’t want you to waste anymore of my time here. I only applied for the 10% otherwise I wouldn’t have wasted the time here. Don’t just stand there! Finish ringing everything up.”

(I finished the transaction in silence. She and her daughter stormed off with their $17 purchase. The 10% wouldn’t have saved them $2.)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 14

| USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(I am at a store with my father. We are standing in the line for a self-checkout. It’s a five person line and all the machines are in use. One opens up and the first customer, a young woman, moves to the checkout. The second customer, an old man who hadn’t been in the line, steps in front of her and goes to check out his groceries.)

Father: “Hey, the line starts right here.”

(He motions to the spot behind us.)

Customer #2: “I have to check out my groceries.”

Customer #1: “So do the rest of us, and none of us skipped past the line.”

Customer #2: “My groceries are more important!”

Me: “By what standards?”

Customer #2: *to Father* “Didn’t you teach your kid to respect his elders?!”

Father: “Not when they’re being a**holes.”

Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 13
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 12
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 11

Getting A Good Customer Is A Lottery

| IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Popular

(It’s Sunday morning and I’m working the front desk of a grocery store that has a lottery machine. A woman approaches the desk; she has a way over-the-top, annoyingly positive attitude.)

Woman: *through a beaming smile* “I’d like the winning numbers to the lottery drawing, please. I heard there was a winner and I want to see if I won!”

(I look at her ‘ticket’ and see it isn’t a lottery ticket. It is a printout of winning numbers from previous drawings. They print these up on the same paper as the regular tickets.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, you already have the winning numbers there…”

Woman: “I know! I bought this from [Gas Station down the street] and I feel lucky!”

Me: “No, no… You don’t understand. You already have a printout of winning numbers.”

Woman: “I know!”

(Then it hits me. She went into the gas station and, as a joke, said she wants ‘the winning lottery numbers’; the clerk behind the counter took her literally, and gave her a printout of the winning numbers. She has no clue she doesn’t have a valid lottery ticket.)

Me: “Here, let me show you what I mean.”

(I print out a copy of the most recent previous drawings. Needless to say, the two ‘tickets’ are identical.)

Me: “This is a printout of the winning numbers…”

(As I’m explaining this, she compares her ‘ticket’ with the one I just gave her. Then her eyes get wide.)

Woman: “I WON!! I WON! Look, look, all the numbers match. I can’t believe I won! I WON! I WON!”

Me: “Ma’am? Your ‘ticket’ isn’t a ticket.”

Woman: “WHAT?! Yes, it is! I bought this at the gas station…”

(I print up a valid ticket and show it to her.)

Me: “Valid tickets have the barcode on the bottom of them and the date they are good for.”

Woman: “But I paid for this!”

Me: “Then you’d better go back there and get your money back.”

(She turns to leave but then turns back.)

Woman: “But all my numbers match.”

(The kicker to this story was I bought the ticket I printed up to use as an example and it won a lower tiered prize. I didn’t mind pocketing $80.00 the next weekend!)

At Least He Doesn’t Discriminate

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I’m a 22 year old male and I work as a bagger, or “service clerk,” at a chain grocery store. One night, at roughly four in the morning, a man comes up to the line. He has with him a baseball bat, a cucumber, some cough spray that numbs the back of the throat, preparation H wipes, and a box of condoms.)

Customer: *leans over the belt and waggles his eyebrows at the female cashier* “So, what are you doing after work?”

Cashier: *immediately goes on the defensive* “Going home and spending some time with my boyfriend.”

Customer: *looks defeated, then looks over at me* “What about you?”

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