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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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In The Queue In The Queue

| Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Popular, Technology

(A customer is on the phone when he comes up to the cash register.)

Customer: “I’m really sorry, I know how rude it is that I’m on the phone, but I’ve been on hold for such a long time I don’t want to lose my place in the queue.”

Me: *surprised, since this is the first time anyone has apologized for being on the phone* “Oh, that’s totally fine! I actually really appreciate that you acknowledged that.”

(He only has a couple of items so I ring him up pretty quickly.)

Customer: “Thanks, have a great day!”

Me: “You, too, and may you not be on hold much longer!”

(He laughs and leaves the store. The next customer approaches my register.)

Customer #2: “I can’t believe he was on his phone! That’s so rude!”

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Unable To Vouch For His Common Sense

| Bristol, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m working the tills on a relatively calm day. I serve an elderly customer and he hangs about for a moment.)

Customer: “Those £1 things; do you have one?”

(He’s referring to vouchers that occasionally print with a receipt. One didn’t print with his.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir, you didn’t get one this time. It varies depending on what’s in your basket and how much you spend.”

Customer: “No, I just want to look at one! You guys ripped me off the other day.”

(I pull a voucher out of the bin, as plenty of people don’t take them, and show it to the gentleman, going through restrictions and expiration.)

Me: “What was the issue last time?”

Customer: “Well, I had one so I decided to get a big bottle of brandy instead of the large one, but I didn’t get the £1 off!”

(I suddenly remember a coworker telling me a story similar to this.)

Me: “Sir, did you hand them the voucher?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “You have to hand them the voucher to get the money off. We don’t know who has them so we don’t ask for them.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, that’s how vouchers work.”

(He left, muttering about how he would try again some other time. I saw the coworker who told me the story later, and told her about the guy. Apparently he’d been doing this every time he’d come in for about a month.)

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Big Mac Attack, Part 2

| UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I was at my workplace, a well-known burger, fries, and shakes chain, doing my tasks for the night. It is the evening before a bank holiday, so as you can expect, the entirety of Britain wants to get drunk. It is around seven pm when a customer approaches with her husband.)

Customer: *hands me two vouchers* “I want one o’ them an’ one o’ them.”

Me: *notices one of the tickets has an option on it* “Okay, so, on this one, is it [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich]?”

Customer: “One of each.”

Me: “You can either get the [Popular Burger] or [Popular Chicken Sandwich] on this one.”

Customer: *looks at me confused/angry then it suddenly dawns* “Right I’ll have the [Popular Burger].”

Customer’s Husband: “[My Name], you’re confusin’ her!”

Me: *internally sighs; puts through order, takes money and gives change*

Customer’s Husband: *hands me a voucher of the same choice type* “I’ll have a [Popular Burger] and fries on that.”

Me: “All right, then.”

Customer’s Husband: *turns to wife* ‘See? Simple and straight up so I don’t confuse him!’

Me: *another internal sigh* “That’ll be [price], please.”

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Big Mac Attack