Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

The Sorry State Of Customer Service

| Foley, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Home Improvement, Wild & Unruly

(It is my first day working the customer service desk, and a customer is cussing and yelling because I can’t do a return for him. One of my coworkers, famous for being very patient and good with difficult customers, happens to wander by. I’m nervous, so I flag her over.)

Coworker: “Oh, [My Name], do you want some help?”

Customer: “Help?! I need help! That f***** b**** won’t take back my return! This is s***!”

Coworker: “Did you call the manager?”

Me: “Yeah, and he said we couldn’t do anything.”

Customer: “And that’s bulls***!”

(My coworker looks unimpressed. I explain why we can’t do the return to her.)

Coworker: “Hmm. Okay, well, I know he said no, but I think he’s actually wrong. I’ll take care of this. Sir, will you come with me?”

Customer: “No! I’m standing here at this d*** desk until you fix my d*** problem!”

Coworker: “Okay. Suit yourself.”

(The customer keeps swearing and yelling until my coworker returns.)

Coworker: “Okay, we’re going to make an exception. Boss’s orders.”

Customer: “Finally! I’ve been here for f***** ever!”

(I do the return, and as I’m about to hand the customer his money, my coworker holds her hand up to stop me.)

Coworker: “Sir, I want to make it very clear that if I had any choice at all, I wouldn’t do this for you, and if you EVER come in here again and swear or yell at my coworkers, my boss, or me, I will personally see that you are escorted from this store, by the police if necessary. You should be ashamed of yourself for acting like this and making [My Name] feel like she’s not doing a good job because she is doing a marvellous one.”

Customer: “I… I’m sorry.”

Coworker: “No, you aren’t, and quite frankly, I don’t care. I’ve said my piece. Now here is your money, Sir. Have a splendid Thanksgiving.”

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A Temporary Hot Pocket

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Pets & Animals

(I am working at a dollar store. We have a very belligerent couple who are always rude and always bringing their dogs into the store. One day they get a new puppy and the man very obviously tries to hide it in his jacket. We all know about the dog, but wait until they are done paying to say this:)

Me: “Did you know your pocket peed down your front?”

(We haven’t seen them since.)

Fresh Coffee With An Extra Shot Of Crazy

, | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Health & Body

Me: “Hi, I’m [Name]. I’d be happy to take your order!”

Customer: *on a cell phone* “…I know! I can’t believe it! I told him I just want that d*** whore out of my house!” *continues conversation*

Me: “Ma’am? May I help you?”

Customer: “Is your coffee fresh?”

Me: “Not at the moment, but I’d be happy to start you a fresh pot!”

Customer: “WHAT? I’m on OXYGEN! I don’t want to DIE!”

Me: *confused* “Ma’am? It wouldn’t affect—”

(The customer drives around to the window.)

Me: “So you did want the coffee, then?”

Customer: “Sorry about that! You didn’t hear any of that conversation did you?”

Me: “Well, yes, ma’am. Every employee with a headset can hear everything said at the speaker.”

Customer: *pays for her coffee* “OH! I’m so sorry, honey; I just want that d*** whore out of my house!”

(The customer got her coffee and drove away. The rest of us were left scratching our heads as witnesses to the level of crazy that just left.)

Scammer Scanner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | At The Checkout, Criminal & Illegal, Liars & Scammers

(I am cutting fabric for one customer, while another coworker is serving a man who has a basket full of stock. The man has the basket on a lower ledge attached the service counter and is putting items on the counter for scanning. I look up to see him put the last two items on the counter, and he then puts one item back in the basket.)

Coworker: *hands him the bag* “That will be [total], please.”

Me: “Sir, can you pass me the basket if you no longer need it, please?”

(The customer takes the item from the basket and drops it into the bag before passing the basket over.)

Me: “Sorry, can I check that item you just put in the bag? Did you buy it before or from somewhere else? If so I need to see a receipt.”

Customer: “She scanned it already.”

Me: “I don’t know whether she did or not. We’ll need to check it.”

Customer: *pulling the item out of bag and handing it to coworker* “It was scanned.”

Coworker: *to me* “How do I check?”

Me: “Just scan it; if it’s already been scanned it will show two in the quantity column.”

(My coworker scans it. The item is added to the bottom of the screen, the quantity clearly showing one.)

Coworker: “What does that mean?”

Me: “It means it wasn’t scanned in the first place.”

(The customer pays and quickly leaves the store.)

Coworker: “How did you know it wasn’t scanned?”

Me: “I saw him put it on the counter and then immediately put it back in the basket. It’s why I asked him for the basket.”

Coworker: “I can’t believe he just did that in front of his kids!”

Lucky In Card(ed)s

, | Tampa, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

Waitress: “What would you like to drink?”

Me: “I’ll have a rum and Coke.”

Friend: “I’ll have Guinness.”

Waitress: “May I see some ID?”

(My friend and I look at each other in shock. I am just shy of turning 50 and my friend is in his mid-50s, and we both have classic male pattern baldness. There isn’t a chance on earth either of us could be confused with being minors.)

Me: “Are you serious?”

Waitress: *looking a bit embarrassed* “It’s policy.”

(Generally, policy is to card people who look 30 or under. We don’t even look close to that. My friend is from England where carding is basically non-existent.)

Friend: “Young lady, I have never once been carded in my entire life. Congratulations, you are the very first.”

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