Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Fashion Is Dead(Pool)

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

(I work in a well-known retail store. A mother comes to my register with her very preppy looking teenage daughter. The daughter is getting two graphic tees. Note that I am also female.)

Me: “So whoever picked out the Deadpool shirt has good taste!”

Daughter: *squeals* “See, Mom! I told you!”

Me: “Yeah, Deadpool is the best! He so awesome.” *the daughter just stares at her mother with the biggest grin* “I read that they finally greenlit the movie.”

Daughter: “Yeah, but I am hoping it isn’t a fan made thing going around.”

Me: “Well, if it isn’t, as long as they don’t replace Ryan Reynolds, I will be happy.”

(At this point the transaction was over and the mother and daughter were walking out with the daughter saying how much Ryan Reynolds sucked. The mother basically had the ‘kill me now’ look on her face the entire time. Score one for the nerds!)

The Devil’s Pay Book

| USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money, Religion

(I was checking out an older lady from my church. She never struck me as superstitious at all.)

Me: “Okay that comes to, um, $6.66.”

(Her eyes got wide and she grabbed something off the rack at random.)

Customer: “And this keychain!”

Me: “Okay, that’s $8.63.”

Customer: “Much better. Sorry, but I’m going for surgery Monday. I’m not going to risk it.”

(I told my coworker, her nephew, and he cracked up and bought her a rabbit’s foot, just in case.)

It’s Payback Time

, | Bangalore, India | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Liars & Scammers, Money

(I am working part-time as a cashier in a cafeteria in a large college campus where I am a student. A young man accompanied by a girl approaches my counter. The man starts to order.)

Customer: “Listen, I will pay you later. You can trust me.”

Me: “Sorry, I need payment first before we can serve you the items you ordered.”

Customer: “You can trust me. Everyone on this campus knows me.”

Me: “I still need payment first as I have never met you before and don’t know you. My till cannot come up short. So if I let you have these items without you paying for it then I will have to pay for it out of my pocket. Since you are well known on campus as you said, perhaps you can find someone here in the cafeteria who will let you borrow some money.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You can easily find me in the campus. I will be either in my room in the [Dorm] which is very close by, or in the [Department]. You can ask anyone in the campus.”

Me: “Sorry, but you seem to be suggesting that I just give you the items you ordered now and then I run about the campus to collect payment from you later in your dorm or your department. Obviously I cannot do that. As your dorm is close by, can’t you just get some money from your room?”

(The customer just glared at me for a few seconds, let loose a string of expletives, and stormed out with the girl following behind. If he was trying to impress the girl about how important he was, he went about doing that in a very stupid way. He cannot expect a random person to pay for his date!)

Being A Queen About It

| KY, USA | At The Checkout, Canada, Money

(The store I work for has several locations in Canada; therefore, company policy is that we accept Canadian money as well as American and the associates have to be familiar with what Canadian currency looks like compared to American. My store isn’t close to the border, so we don’t get Canadian currency a lot. I’m ringing up a customer who’s paying cash.)

Me: “So out of twenty-five dollars and thirty cents?”

Customer: “Yes, ma’am!”

Me: *I go to put the cash in the till when I realize something off* “Oh, sir, do you have another quarter? This is a Canadian dollar coin.”

Customer: “No, it isn’t; it’s a quarter! We don’t use dollar coins here!”

Me: “I know this, sir, but this isn’t American currency. I can accept it as legal tender, or you can see if you have a quarter.”

Customer: “Of course it’s American currency! You just don’t want to accept it!” *scoffs* “Canadian.”

Me: “I apologize for the mix-up; it happens sometimes. People will get Canadian coins mixed in with American, but it’s not a problem to use it as legal tender here.”

Customer: “I only ever use American money, not some made-up Monopoly money!”

Me: “Sir, Canada is a real country, and this is a Canadian dollar coin. If you just look—”

Customer: “It’s an American quarter! Accept it!”

Me: “With all due respect, I’ll accept it as a quarter if you can tell me which American coin has the Queen of England on the face.”

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Don’t Chew The Fat With Me If You Can’t Handle It

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body

(I’ve recently given birth to a gorgeous baby girl, and while I’ve now returned to my job, I haven’t yet managed to shed the weight I put on during my pregnancy.)

Customer: “D***, you’ve really gotten fat!”

Me: *silently checking out his purchases*

Customer: “I mean, I’ve only been coming here for like a year so that is some incredible weight gain!”

Me: *just shrugs and keeps scanning his purchases*

Customer: “So…what’s the deal? Boyfriend left ya? Job getting to ya? Feeling like the only reason for living is to get to the bottom of your third tub of ice cream?”

Me: “That’ll be [price].”

(The customer doesn’t pull out his wallet just yet.)

Customer: “Well, are you gonna answer me, whale?”

Me: “First off, let me ask this: what is your endgame here?”

Customer: “Huh? My what?”

Me: “Your endgame. What do you hope to accomplish by insulting and belittling me here? Because so far all you’re doing is making yourself look like a complete idiot to everyone around you.”

(The customer turns and notices the rest of the line is staring at him, some in shock and some in quiet disdain.)

Customer: “I… uh… well… so you know you’re a fat-a** and do something about it!”

Me: “I am doing something about it. I put on this weight because I was pregnant. Now I’m hitting the gym at least four times a week so I’ll no doubt lose it again.”

Customer: “Well… uh… I dunno, then! I didn’t think you were going to quiz me about this!”

Me: “Your total is still [price].”

Customer: “No! F*** you, fat b****! Now I feel bad and it’s all your fault!”

(He storms off, leaving me to have to void his entire transaction.)

Me: “I apologize for this. It won’t take me more than a minute.”

Next Customer In Line: “How… How did you keep your cool through that?”

Me: “Ten hours of labor and a baby that made every bit of pain totally worth it. After that, it takes a lot more than a moron’s poorly chosen words to hurt me.”

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