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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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Flirt, Camera, Action

| USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Love/Romance, Popular, Rude & Risque, Technology

(I am filling in at a different branch on this particular day. A guy who looks old enough to be my dad walks up to my window.)

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need to get a money order today.”

Me: “Sure thing. Do you have an account with us?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, no problem, I’ll just need your ID and a few other pieces of information to get that done for you.”

Customer: “Ask away. I do this every month!”

(I quickly complete the transaction, as the customer is staring at me, and I am extremely uncomfortable. After I hand him the money order…)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “I was also lookin’ for a cute girl…” *grins at me and leans in closer*

(I take a small step backward and try not to let my expression change.)

Me: “Is there anything else BANKING-related that I can help you with today?”

Customer: *visibly disappointed* “Well, no. That didn’t work, huh?”

Me: “Er… no.”

Customer: “Oh, well. At least that wasn’t on tape or anything. That would be really embarrassing.”

(Without saying a word, I point to the security camera above my head.)

Customer: *looks up, expression goes from disappointment to horror* “THOSE THINGS ACTUALLY WORK?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, they sure do.”

Customer: “NOW IT’S ON TAPE?!” *runs out the door*

Coworker: “What was THAT?!”

Me: *puts head down on counter* “I think it’s time for a break…”

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In Receipt Of New Information

| Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(A customer has finished paying for her order.)

Me: “Would you like a receipt?”

Customer: “Do you get money for offering receipts?”

Me: “No, they print automatically. Some people use them for tax or to keep to a budget.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought the banks must pay you to offer receipts. Why does everyone offer me a receipt?”

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Named And Shamed

| Frisco, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Popular

(A woman comes up to my register who is paying very close attention to her phone.)

Me: “Hi! Did you find everything you were looking for?”

Guest: “Just scan my stuff.”

Me: “All right.” *gets to the end of scanning* “I do have a spare coupon if you would like to save $3.50.”

Guest: “No.”

Me: “Okay. Do you have a club card?”

Guest: *puts down phone* “I said no. Is there a problem with that? I don’t want you taking coupons off my club card account. I want to save it.”

Me: “I haven’t pulled up your account. I was offering you to use mine.”

Guest: “Well, your communication was poor. You need to work on that.”

Me: *just wanting the transaction to be over* “All right, do you have a club card?”

Guest: “What’s your name?”

Me: “It’s [My Name].”

Guest: “Is it [My Name], or is it really [longer version of name]?”

Me: “Just [My Name].”

Guest: “So your parents didn’t love you enough to give you a real name? I bet they didn’t really want you.”

Me: “My full first name is [very long Welsh name]. I just go by [My Name] because it’s easier to pronounce.”

Guest: “So now you’re saying MY parents didn’t love ME? My name is [Guest]!”

Me: *frantically pushing silent call button under counter* “I’m not saying that at all. Do you have your club card on you, or would you like me to look it up?

Guest: “It’s [phone number].”

Me: *finishing transaction and handing her the receipt and bag* “Thank you. Have a great day.”

Guest: “I hope your day only gets worse from here. I hope you quit! I don’t want to see you in here when I come back!”

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Insert Inert

| Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “How would you like to pay?”

Customer: “With credit”

Me: *clicks button on screen* “Okie dokie, insert whenever you’re ready.”

(The customer holds up her card. Like most cards these days, it has a chip. She tries to swipe it and the machine times out.)

Me: “Your card is a chip so you will have to insert it. Let’s try it now.”

(Customer swipes again.)

Me: “You have to insert.”

(She turns her card over and tries to swipe again.)

Me: “No, see the chip at the end of your card?”

(She turns her card so that she swipes the chip.)

Me: “You have to insert it! See the slot at the bottom there? Put the end with the chip in there.”

(The customer stared at the slot. Confused, she gave her card to me and I correctly inserted it for her.)

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The Unholy Receipt

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Religion

(I am standing in line and overhear this exchange between the current customer and the cashier.)

Cashier: “Your total is $6.66.”

(There is an awkward pause as they both kind of look around.)

Cashier: “Do you want to add on a candy bar?”

Customer: “No… I just won’t look at it.”

Cashier: “And just throw the receipt away?”

Customer: “Yep!”

Cashier: “Just don’t throw it away in here!”

Customer: “No, I will throw it away outside!”

(The transaction finishes with a couple of laughs and smiles and the customer walks out the door with her purchase.)

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