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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Doesn’t Quite Swear By That DVD Player

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Language & Words

(I work at a store that doesn’t do refunds. If a customer wants to return an item, we can only offer to exchange it for the exact same item, or give store credit to put towards a new purchase.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return this DVD player. It no longer works.”

Me: “Sure. Would you like to do a straight exchange, or would you like a store credit?”

Customer: “Straight exchange, please. I really like this DVD player, and I’d really like another one like it.”

Me: “All right, just let me see if we have any in stock.”

(I do a search on my computer, and we show zero in stock. I even check with the stockroom staff to verify this.)

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid to say this, but we no longer have this DVD player in stock.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “I’m absolutely sure. There aren’t any on the shelves, the computer says we have zero, and there aren’t any in the back. We’re all tapped out, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Aw, s***!”

(Both the customer and I notice that there’s a small child next to us, and he heard the whole thing.)

Customer: “Uh, I mean poo-poo caca. Aw, poo-poo caca, I can’t believe you ran out of my favorite DVD player. Can you check to see if any other locations might still have it? I’m sorry to ask you this, but I really like this DVD player.”

Me: “Sure thing. Which location is the nearest to you?”

Customer: “Can you try [Location #1]?”

Me: “Certainly.”

(I dial the number to Location #1 to make my inquiry.)

Me: “I just got off the phone with [Location #1]. They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #2]?”

(I phone up Location #2.)

Me: “They don’t have it either.”

Customer: “Aw, poo-poo caca. Can you try [Location #3]?”

Me: “Okay…”

(This went on for four more locations, and they all don’t have the very specific DVD player that my customer is looking for. Every time I told him the bad news, he responded with “poo-poo caca.”)

Double The Trouble

| TN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(As the store is quite busy on a Saturday night and there is only one cashier scheduled, I’ve taken over the customer service desk which has two registers. I am calling customers to both sides so I can help two people at once. I’ve just called the next two customers down, two of whom I have to ask to take a longer route to the secondary register on my right.)

Customer #1: *at the left side of the desk* “Why are you letting people check out over there? Won’t everyone skip the line and go to the other side for a shorter line?”

Me: “Ma’am, I called them from the long line. That’s the only line I’m calling from. They were kind enough to go around to the other side of the desk so I can help both of you at once. Since there’s such a long line tonight I’m doing what I can to keep the line moving.”

Customer #1: “That doesn’t seem right.”

Me: “I’m sorry about the inconvenience, but thank you for hanging in there with me while I try to get everyone taken care of. Your total is [total]. If you’ll please swipe your card at the pin-pad I’ll get these people started on the other register.”

Customer #2: *on the right side of the desk* “Since you’re doing the work of two people do you get paid twice as much?”

Hold Fire On That Receipt

| Finland | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(It’s Friday afternoon and I’m in a liquor store with my dad. We both know the guy who’s working as cashier.)

Cashier: “Do you want the receipt?”

Dad: “Yeah, I’m going to heat the sauna today.”

(Our sauna is heated with wood and we use trash paper to light the fire.)

Cashier: “Okay, have a nice weekend.”

Me: “You, too.”

(We pack dad’s bottles, and the cashier serves another customer. We are leaving when he offers a receipt to her.)

Customer: “No, thanks. I have an electric sauna.”