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Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

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The Lighter Way To Not Be Closed Minded

| Merseyside, England, UK | At The Checkout, Time

(I’m the foolish customer here. I walk into the mini-mart near my house late one evening, pick up a basket, and start shopping. After two minutes, there’s a surprised cough from behind the tills.)

Cashier: “Um, you do realise we’re closed, yeah?”

Me: “Oh. Are you?”

Cashier: “Yeah, the shutters are down, the lights are mostly off, the barrier is across the car park…”

Me: “Oh… OH! Sorry! I’m far, far too self-absorbed to notice something as subtle as the shutters being down and the lights being off.”

(The cashier bursts out laughing.)

Me: “I’ll go. Sorry to have delayed you going home!”

Cashier: “Nah, don’t worry, I haven’t cashed up yet; I’ll put your stuff through for making me laugh.”

(I really have to start paying more attention to my surroundings!)

Related:
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 23
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 22
Not Very Closed Minded, Part 21

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Some Customers Are Just Too Much

| Glens Falls, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I am in my second year of employment as a bagger at a higher-end grocery store that sells itself on its all natural and organic products, all of which are at a significant mark-up. It’s late at night; the only people on the floor are two service leaders and me. A customer with a cart near overflowing comes to the register. She unloads her cart, almost entirely comprised of organic foods, and we set about getting the order completed. I am nearly finished bagging.)

Cashier: “That will be [three-figure price].”

Customer: *stated, with no emotion in her voice* “Oh, that’s too much.”

(As it is late, we are tired, and unsure of what the customer wants us to do about it.)

Cashier: “Well, most of what you bought was all organic, and that is more expensive than the non-organic.”

Customer: *still emotionless* “That’s too much.”

(At this point, the customer starts looking around, and it occurs to us that she is hoping another customer, of which there are none, will heroically come to her rescue and pay for the not insignificant cost of her groceries. Upon realizing that she is alone, she looks back at us.)

Customer: “I only have 75 dollars.”

Cashier: “Well, would you like us to take something off of your order?”

Customer: “Yeah, lemme see…”

(The customer proceeds, taking no more than two items off at a time, again hoping that someone will come to her financial rescue. A half-an-hour later, we have reduced her order to only a handful of very expensive items, but are below the 75 dollar limit. She pays, and walks out, leaving the belt covered in her excess groceries. As the woman leaves the building, the cashier turns to me.)

Cashier: “Did she really think someone was going to pay for her groceries at 10:30 at night?”

Me: “I try not to think about it. It just makes my head hurt.”

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I’ve Come As The Mommy

| Lakewood, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Family & Kids, Holidays

(I go into a burrito restaurant on Halloween, where they are offering burritos for three dollars if you come in costume. I am not wearing one. When I get up to the register, the following exchange occurs:)

Cashier: “Aww, you aren’t wearing a costume today!”

Me: *looking down at my sweater and old jeans* “Yes, I am.”

Cashier: “What are you supposed to be?”

Me: “A mom with depression who hasn’t eaten anything in two days?”

Cashier: *with a knowing smile* “Your total is three dollars.”

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Danny Trejo Must Really Need The Work

| Hamburg, Germany | At The Checkout, Bizarre

(I work in a somewhat difficult neigbourhood, with some gang violence here and there, but luckily I have never experienced anything bad. A strange-looking guy comes into the store, holding a big suitcase. As I am alone, he starts to look suspiciously around him, making sure, no one else is in the room. I start to get a little nervous as he comes to the register and puts the suitcase on the counter. He opens the suitcase and pulls out a big machete and starts to wave it around my face. I back up to the wall behind me and in my head start to say goodbye to my family and my cats. He then asked me in broken English:)

Man: “You want to buy knife? Is good knife. Really sharp knife. Can cut things. I give you for 100€.”

(As I realize that he doesn’t want to rob me, I say with a shaken voice:)

Me: “Eh, no… No, thank you. I… I don’t need a knife.”

Man: *then waves the machete around some more* “Is best knife. I can give you for 50€. Special price. I can give you for 30€. Buy knife?

Me: *shaking my head in disbelief* “No… thank you.”

(He then put the machete back in the suitcase, waved me goodbye, and went out of the store.)

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The Joke Worked Overtime

| Leeds, England, UK | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers

(I’m a volunteer at a charity shop, and am working the till when a couple come in. The man trips over a piece of furniture we have on display.)

Woman: *jokingly* “You’re wrecking the place!”

Me: *in the same tone* “Be careful. If you break anything you have to work it off. That’s what happened to me.”

Man: “Really?”

(We all laugh and they browse the shelves for a bit. As they are leaving they pass my till.)

Man: *leaning over and asking very seriously* “Do you really have to work here because you broke something?”

Woman: *giving him a pitying look* “I think she was joking…”

Me: “Yeah, I was just kidding.”

Man: “Oh, right.”

(They leave, the woman giving me a long-suffering look as she does so.)

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