Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Counting Down To When This Customer Leaves

| Milwaukee, WI, USA | At The Checkout, Money

Me: “Your total is $15.85.”

(Customer hands me $100 bill. Since it’s two am all I have is small bills, so to avoid confusion from the customer and to cover myself for the camera, I count the change out onto the counter.)

Me: “And your change is $84.15.”

Customer: “Why does everyone count change backward?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “You should start with the change and count up to the next dollar amount, then count up to the amount of the bill I gave you. Then you’ll never be wrong.”

Me: “Well, I know how much change to give you so there’s no reason for me to do that. I gave you the correct change. Would you like a receipt?”

Customer: “I don’t need a receipt, but you should always count up. Then you’ll never be wrong.”

Me: “Even if I didn’t know how to add and subtract myself, the computer tells me how much change to give. I gave you the correct change.”

Customer: “But the girl at some other place gave me the wrong change once, so you should always do it this way so you’ll never be wrong.”

Me: “But I wasn’t wrong.”

(The customer stands there arguing with me for ten minutes that even though I gave him the correct change, I counted it wrong.  Finally I just stopped responding and just gave him a blank stare until he stopped talking.)

Me: “Have a nice day; we’ll see you next time.”

Small Talk Baulk

| England, UK | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Language & Words

Me: “Good morning. How can I help y—“

Customer: “Cappuccino. Medium.”

Me: “Would you like that to stay or—“

Customer: *interrupting again* “Go.”

(I finish the transaction politely but without trying to make small talk.)

Customer: “Not very chatty are you?”

Foot-Long Time To Get There

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

(A customer came in with a coupon that allowed her to get two footlong sandwiches for $10. She also got a drink, making her total $12. When she was rung out, she tried to just give me a $5 bill.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but it’s $12.”

Customer: “But why? It should only be this much!” *continues to try to just give me the $5*

Me: “Well, the coupon says the two foot-longs are $10, plus you have your drink.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense; it shouldn’t be that much.”

(The conversation went on for about ten minutes, with a line building up behind her. Eventually, after explaining her total several times, it finally clicks.)

Customer: “OH. Oh, I’m sorry.” *gives me the right change*

Next Customer: *loud enough that the previous one can hear* “She just really didn’t get that, did she?”

H2-Slowly Getting There

| PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Money

(I work in a restaurant that primarily serves FRIED chicken and I’m running the drive-thru.)

Customer: “Uh, yeah, how do you make your chicken?”

Me: “We bread and deep-fry it, sir.”

Customer: “So you mean in grease?”

Me: “Yes, sir, in grease.”

Customer: “Do you have any chicken sandwiches?”

Me: “Yes the numbers 2, 3, and 4.”

Customer: “Oh. How much for a glass of water?”

Me: “That’s free, sir.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll have that.”

(This conversation took four minutes. All he wanted was water.)

You’re A Good Egg

| UT, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

Me: “Bacon and scrambled eggs, please.”

Employee:Just bacon and scrambled eggs?”

Me: “Yeah, that’s all.”

Employee:You can come back any time.”

(Which made me think that he had, in his head, told a number of customers to go to Hell this morning.)

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