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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Some Blood Is Thicker Than Others

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I am a nurse. At the hospital where I work, we take care of many patients who are from small, rural towns and are lacking in education. In this situation, the patient needs a blood transfusion. I am teaching the patient and family about the process.)

Me: “I will call the blood bank and get the blood ready to go. When I have the bag, I’ll come hook it up to her IV to infuse it. I’ll be monitoring her vital signs throughout the transfusion.”

Family Member: “How does the blood know where to go?”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not quite sure what you mean.”

Family Member: “The blood. What tells it where to go?”

Me: “Well it goes into the veins, through her IV catheter.”

Family Member: “How does it know where to go from there?”

Me: “That’s where blood is. In your veins.”

Family Member: “Oh! I’ve always wondered how that worked.”

(Later, after I have received the blood, I am priming the IV tubing with saline. Saline is essentially salt water, so it is clear.)

Family Member: “Is that the blood?”

Me: “…No, this is just saline to prime the tubing.”

Family Member: “Oh, good! I thought my mom was getting some new kind of white blood!”

Me: *face palm*

Her Query Is Ink-conclusive

| ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(A fun new Polaroid style camera has come out and is extremely popular for Christmas gifts. I am talking to a middle-aged woman who should have grown up with film cameras.)

Customer: “So the camera’s 100 bucks, and the photo paper is 20 bucks for 20? That’s so expensive!”

Me: “Yeah, it’s a little expensive.”

Customer: “And how much is the ink?”

Me: “There is no ink.”

Customer: “So the pictures aren’t even in colour!?”

Me: “Yes, they’re in colour.”

Customer: “Right so when the ink runs out, I’ll have to get more.”

Me: “No it doesn’t use ink; it’s film.”

Customer: “What do you mean it doesn’t use ink!? How does the picture print?”

Me: “It doesn’t technically print; it develops. It’s film.”

Customer: “I don’t get what you mean.”

Me: “The film is a special type of paper that reacts to light. When you take the picture, the light imprints on the paper, and when it comes out, it’s a picture. It’s like a Polaroid.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m sure the ink is expensive.”

Pouring Oil On Troubled Waters

| Toronto, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m doing in-store demos of an iron that comes with a calcium filter, calcium in the water being that white stuff that comes out of your iron. A woman who purchased the iron last year comes up to me with a question.)

Customer: “Hi there. Do you know why my iron is leaking brown liquid?”

Me: “Did you empty your calcium filter?”

Customer: “Oh, yes. Regularly.”

(I’m just about to tell her to return it for a replacement when she adds…)

Customer: “Do you think it has anything to do with the olive oil my husband accidentally poured into the water tank?”

Me: “…”

Entranced By The Exit

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid

(My son works at a drive-in theater. I drive him to work and pull in the exit/employee entrance. There are multiple signs “DO NOT ENTER” “EXIT” “EMPLOYEES ONLY”. A woman follows us in.)

Son: “You can’t come in this way. I need you to go back out and come in the entrance.”

Woman: “Where do I pay?”

Son: “At the entrance.”

Woman: “I didn’t see anyone.”

Son: “You came in the exit. You need to come in the entrance.”

Woman: “But I followed YOU!”

Son: *points to shirt that says STAFF* “I work here so I can come in the employee entrance. My mom is leaving; you can follow her out.”

Woman: “But where do I go?!”

(By this time the owner has come out to see what is taking him so long.)

Owner: “You go out the exit and look for the six-foot-high sign that says ENTRANCE.”

Woman: “You mean the one with all the lights?”

Owner: “Yes.”

Woman: “How was I supposed to know? All I saw was DO NOT ENTER. I should get in free. This is too confusing.”

Use Your Inside Voice Invoice

| Tulsa, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a cafe and store that serves a large corporate staff which works in the building, and only them. I am in the back office working on orders and balancing accounts when I overhear an exchange between a member of my staff and a customer escalating.)

Cashier: “Okay, ma’am, all told that will be $11.30.”

Customer: “Ya’ll are too f****** proud of your f****** food. No way in h*** am I paying that!”

Cashier: “I am sorry, ma’am, but all our prices are clearly posted and this is the total for the items you have selected.”

Customer: “Like h***! I worked in food, I know how it works, and this is overpriced! I want to see your b****-a** manager; where’s he hiding!?”

(I come out of the office and address the customer.)

Me: “Ma’am, I have heard, quite clearly, everything you have said, and I assure you the prices are right.”

Customer: “Prove it. Prove that the s*** cost you four bucks!”

(I dig through my paperwork and find the appropriate invoice and bring it out to the customer. She looks through it with an expert eye.)

Customer: “See! F*** you! This s*** should have only been like $13!”

Cashier: “Okay, ma’am, that’ll be $13.”

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