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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

35 Cents Too Rich For That Wallet

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

(I work at the student mail center on a university campus, and we constantly have 18-year-old freshmen come in who have never mailed a letter in their lives, and have no idea how it works.)

Customer: “Hi! So, I’ve never done this before, but I have to mail a thing.”

Me: “Okay. What is it you have to mail?”

Customer: “Just a thing. How much is it?”

Me: “Well, I have to see what you’re mailing. Do you have it with you?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Go ahead and take it out for me.”

Customer: *takes a wallet out of her backpack* “Just this.” *puts it back in her backpack*

Me: “Okay, well I need you to take it back out so I can weigh it. Does this have to get anywhere fast?”

Customer: *has not taken the wallet back out yet* “I don’t know. How long does it take?”

Me: “Depends on where it’s going.”

Customer: “I’m sending it to my brother.”

Me: “Okay, where?”

Customer: “To my brother’s house, duh.”

Me: “Yes, but where is your brother’s house?”

Customer: “Oh, in [Town about an hour from here].”

Me: “Okay, then in that case, if you put it in this envelope, it’ll get there in about three days. Is that okay?”

Customer: “Sure, whatever.”

Me: “So just write your address here, and your brother’s address in the middle, and when you’re done, it’ll be about $3 all together.”

Customer: “…Why?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “My friend said it would only cost like thirty-five cents to mail something.”

Me: “Um, that’s not really how it works. It’s based on weight and—”

Customer: “But my friend said it would only be like thirty-five cents!”

Me: “Look, even if all you were mailing was a postcard, that would be thirty-seven cents. If you were mailing a single sheet of paper, it would be forty-nine cents. But you’re mailing a wallet. Even at the cheapest shipping, you’d be looking at about two and a half dollars for postage, and fifty cents for the envelope.”

Customer: *rolls her eyes* “Whatever. I have to ask my mom if I’m allowed to spend more than thirty-five cents on this.”

(Then she walked off and we never saw her again.)

Genderalising The Problem

| Denver, CO, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

(I work in a plumbing and heating store. I am one of three females on the staff. For clarity, the toilet roughs are the lines that run from the base of toilet to the wall.)

Customer: “I need a new toilet rough for [really popular toilet that we sell].”

Me: “Okay, do you know what size?”

Customer: “11 Inches.”

Me: “Do you mean 12 inches? Those toilet roughs only come in 10, 12, and 14 inches.”

Customer: “No, I mean 11 inches. I asked my plumber and he said that is what it uses.”

Me: “Well, the end of the valve will be in the wall, so it could appear to be only 11 inches. The entire thing, however, would be 12 inches. We have lots of those in stock.”

Customer: “No, it’s eleven inches! God, why do they hire girls to do these jobs?”

Me: “Did your plumber measure the area for the toilet?”

Customer: “No, he just knows what toilet it is, unlike you!”

Me: “Sir, what you want is not made. The rough you want comes in 10, 12, and 14 inches. It won’t be the 10 or 14 inch rough that you need, since you bought the 12 inch. You have the industry standard of 12 inches, like most people. Now, your price for that would be $68.25.”

Customer: “Can I get someone who knows what they are doing now? I don’t want to give you money. I cannot believe a place like this bothered to hire women.”

Me: “Sir, you can go to any plumbing house in this city and they will all tell you that what you want does not exist. I sell this toilet every week. It’s a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: “Give. ME. Someone. Who. Knows. What. They. Are. Talking. About!”

(I call the boss.)

Boss: “What is the problem here?”

Customer: “She doesn’t know her job! I bought this toilet from you and she won’t give me the right rough!”

Boss: “What size rough do you need?”

Customer: “11!”

Boss: “This brand does not make an eleven. It comes in 10, 12, or 14. The one you bought requires a 12 inch rough.”

Customer: *to me* “Why didn’t you tell me that!”

Male Coworker: “She did. Many times. You refused to listen and were too busy being focused on her gender.”

Customer: “I did not! Give me the right valve!”

Boss: “No. Go somewhere else.”

Customer: “But I bought the toilet here!”

Boss: ‘Then what happened to the rough it came with?”

Customer: “I lost it.”

Boss: “Not my problem.”

Her Head Is Already In The Clouds

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Tourists/Travel

(I’m a duty manager at a five-star hotel, which is part of an international chain. I’ve just been up to the top floor to let one of our highest tier loyalty program members into her room to find her passport she’d forgotten and we take the lift back down to the lobby together…)

Guest: “So if I’m going to Amsterdam what will they let me take with me?”

Me: “…Flying there?”

Guest: “Yeah! From Gatwick.”

Me: “O… kay… You mean like in your luggage?”

Guest: “Yeah, like, what type of bag?”

Me: “Oh!! Well that usually depends on the airline. Who are you flying with?”

Guest: “Jeanette.”

Me: *blank look*

Guest: “She’s my best friend.”

Me: “No…”

Needs An Email Without Fail

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I answer the phone at work.)

Customer: “I’m trying to place a catering order online, but it seems to be malfunctioning.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. The most we can do is tell our IT department about the problem and they can look into it. However, I can take your order over the phone if you’d like.”

Customer: “I guess that could work. After I give you my order, you guys will send me an e-mail confirmation?”

Me: “…Well, no, ma’am, we don’t typically send confirmations for orders taken over the phone. The e-mail confirmations are the system telling you that the order was successfully placed. I can personally tell you that your order was successfully placed as I am on the phone with you right now.”

Customer: “Oh, well, maybe I’ll just keep trying. Thanks anyway!”

Has No Steak In How It’s Cooked

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working in a steakhouse and taking the order for a teenage girl and her mother.)

Girl: “I’d like the six-ounce sirloin.”

Me: “All right, and how would you like your steak cooked?”

Girl: “Yes.”

Me: *pauses* “Um. How did you want it cooked?”

Girl: “Yes, I want it cooked.”

Me: “…but how, ma’am? Rare, medium, well done…?”

Girl: “Yes, cooked.”

Me: “Okay, well done, then. And for your sides…?”

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