Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 10

, | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(The store I work in is located in a large mall. Occasionally we get calls asking for directions to our store located in the mall, and when I answer this call I assume that’s where the conversation is headed at first. Note that I’m on my own in the store at this point, because my coworker is out the back on her lunch break.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Are you near [Store Next Door]?”

Me: “Yes, we’re right next door.”

Customer: “Oh, good. Could you pop in there and speak to them for me? I’ve been trying to call them about my order but no one’s picking up the phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to go next door?”

Customer: “Yeah, just go in real quick and ask them to check on my order for me. My name is—”

Me:” I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t leave my store at the moment. You’ll have to call [Store Next Door] back to check with them yourself.”

Customer: “They’re not answering the phone, and I’ve been trying for ages. You’re right next door. Just go and check with them.”

Me: “As I explained before, ma’am, I can’t leave my store right now. I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You’re just being lazy. This is terrible customer service!”

(The caller hangs up the phone before I get a chance to reply and I go about my day unaffected, until the phone rings again not ten minutes later…)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I was wondering if you could help me. I’m trying to get in contact with [Store Next Door] and they’re not answering their phone. I guess it must be a little busy over there. Would you mind popping next door and checking on my order for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you call about this just a moment ago?”

Customer: *flustered, since I’ve caught her out* “No. Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. My name is [Customer]. Can you just pop next door and check on my order for me? I’ll hold the line.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as I told you the last time we spoke, I cannot leave my store to check on your order. I’m on my own at the moment, and I have to serve customers here.”

Customer: “I’m a customer! Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Are you interested in purchasing products from this store?”

(The customer promptly hung up on me.)

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 9
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7

Doesn’t Get The Sticking Point

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work in a clearance store. We start selling last year’s left over Christmas stock mid-year and in the lead up to Christmas, all of it discounted. The sales change on the regular, however, and sometimes prices drop or increase with very little warning. When this happens we have to be really careful about stickered items that are lower than the scanned prices to make sure all of the stickers get removed. Human error sometimes means we’ll miss one or two items and have to drop the price for customers on the items still stickered. A woman approaches the counter with three packets of Christmas napkins, two in a smaller size and one in a larger size, but all with the same design. She puts down the largest packet and asks what the difference in price is.)

Me: *scans item* “This one is [price].”

(The woman then puts one packet of the smaller napkins on the counter and asks it to be scanned for price. It scans as a dollar less than the larger napkins. This is when she shows me the third packet of napkins, which have a sticker for $2 less than the scanned price.)

Me: “Ah, yes, I do apologise for the confusion. The smaller napkins have gone up in price to [scanned price]. You’re more than welcome to have that packet for [stickered price], though, since the sticker hasn’t been removed.”

Customer: “So, they’re both [stickered price]?”

Me: “No, they’re both [scanned price], but since we missed the sticker on that one, you can have it for the stickered pri—”

(Apropos of nothing, the customer heaved an over dramatic huff, rolled her eyes, and threw all three packets of napkins on the counter. She then turned on her heel and stormed out of the store, shouting about incapable salespeople as she went. I’m still not quite sure what I did wrong, exactly…)

The Problem Is A Few Sizes Bigger Than It Should Be

| NJ, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work at a clothing store where ALL our merchandise is special order – meaning we sell nothing off the rack. We cater almost exclusively to women’s formal wear for weddings.)

Me: *answers phone* “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Um, hi. So, I ordered a bridesmaid’s dress from you guys, and I need a new dress.”

Me: “A new dress? Is something wrong with this one?”

Caller: “It doesn’t fit.”

Me: “Okay, well, when’s the wedding?”

Caller: “September 27th.”

(This all happens during the first week of September.)

Me: “Ah. Well…”

Caller: “Do you think I’ll be okay with the timing and everything?”

Me: “Let me do a mock order and check. *types info into the order system* “Ok, well… It looks like if you ordered the dress today, it wouldn’t even be shipped until the 26th.”

Caller: “What about with rush?”

Me: “That IS with the rush. And even if you paid for the overnight shipping, it wouldn’t get into the store until the 28th or 29th.”

Caller: “But that’s after the wedding!”

Me: “I understand that. There isn’t sufficient time to get your alterations done with us, but maybe if you take it to a tailor they can let it out a size or so.”

Caller: “I need it let out more than a size. I’m telling you, I need a whole new dress.”

Me: *suspecting something isn’t quite right here* “Let me check your file, see if there’s something there that can help. If not, I’ll get one of my managers to help you.” *I scan through caller’s account with us until I find what I already suspected would be there* “Okay, [Caller]?”

Caller: “Yes?”

Me: “When you ordered the dress back in March, do you remember what size you were measured for?”

Caller: “Not specifically.”

Me: “According to our records, you were measured at a 20W.”

Caller: “That sounds right.”

Me: “It also says you declined to order that size. Do you remember what size you ordered?”

Caller: “The dress I picked up was a 12.”

Me: “That’s because you ordered a 12.”

Caller: “And it’s way too small! I need a new dress!”

Me: “Okay, [Caller]. Given the circumstances, I’m afraid there isn’t much we can do. There just isn’t enough time, and frankly, you chose to order a size significantly smaller than what you were measured for.”

Caller: *unintelligible crying and screaming*

Me: “I understand you’re upset and frustrated. However, there really isn’t much we can do for you. I’ll still leave your name for our store manager and have her give you a call, okay?”

Caller: *sniffles and mumbles a goodbye before hanging up*

Me: *to coworker who heard my half of the conversation* “You just can’t make this stuff up.”

Those Must Be Some Magic Beans

| Richmond, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

Customer: “I need a pound of beans. Do you have any Mexican beans?”

Me: “Today all we have are beans from Ethiopia and Sumatra.”

Customer: “Which one of those is from Mexico?”

Keep Going Simpler Until He Bytes

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a retail store and I pick up a phone call. It is not abnormal for us to have people ask questions over the phone for rate plans and device info.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering about your prepaid plans. How much are they?”

Me: “The $50 plan gets you unlimited talk text and data with 1GB of 4G and the rest 2G speeds.”

Customer: “Oh okay. I have 2.5 GB right now…”

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: “Which is more?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Is 1GB more than 2.5GB?”

Me: “2.5GB is more than 1GB, sir.”

Customer: “Oh… how much more is it?”

Me: “I’m sorry? How much more is 2.5GB than 1GB?”

Customer: “Yeah…”

Me: “Uh…”

(I go on an elaborate explanation breaking down 1GB to approximately 1000 MB and 2.5GB to 2,500MB and hoped he could see the difference between the two better that way.)

Customer: “Um… okay… so…”

Me: “It’s double and a half more.”

Customer: “Oh! Double and a half! Okay! Thanks!”

Me: “You have a nice day, sir…”

(I could think of no simpler way to explain basic arithmetic to him.)

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