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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Where Else Would You Egg-spect Them To Come From?

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m an ER nurse and I am talking to one of my patients about my farm back home.)

Me: “Yeah, I have chickens and they’re about to—”

Patient: “What do you have chickens for?”

Me: “They lay fresh eggs that my family and I can eat.”

Patient: “You eat the eggs out of a chicken’s butt!?”

Me: “Uh… where do you think eggs come from?”

Patient: “I buy mine from the store. They’re store eggs!”

Me: “Those come out of a chicken’s butt, too.”

Patient: “But… but you said the ones you have are brown. The ones I get are white.”

Me: “Yeah… some chickens lay white eggs and other lay brown. That’s not how—”

Patient: “I guess I’m just never having eggs again… like, ever. That’s disgusting.”

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Ultimately Wrong

| Hopkins, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(This is for the great waiter who was smiling and polite through this whole exchange.)

My Mom: “Oh, I know exactly what I’d like!” *points in menu at full description of sandwich, including picture* “The veggie sandwich!”

Server: “Oh, the ultimate veggie, great! Anything else?”

My Mom: “No, that will be perfect. I’ve had it before!”

(Time passes, food arrives.)

My Mom: “Oh, no, no. This isn’t what I wanted! I ordered the ultimate veggie sandwich!”

Server: “Ye-es. What seems to be the problem?”

My Mom: “Last time it was different. I wanted different bread. And is there mayo? No mayo. And no onions. I hate onions!”

Me: *head in hands*

Server: “No problem. I will be right out with that.”

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 28

, | Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I get a call in the second level about a customer who’s calling for the sixth time today because her Internet isn’t working. The first level coworker doesn’t explain what she’s found out about her problem, only warns me that the customer is really irate.)

Me: “Hello, this is [ISP] tech support. I hear your Internet isn’t working.”

Caller: “That’s right! I can’t go online, and you guys haven’t called me back! I spoke to [Coworker] today at 09:30 and he said you would call me and then you didn’t! This is outrageous!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Coworker] indeed did try to call you, repeatedly. It says in the ticket that at first you didn’t pick up and then the line was constantly busy.”

Caller: “Nonsense! I would have known if anyone had called! You’re just lying!”

Me: “I really have no other way of knowing if he called, only his notes. Let me just look at your line now and try and get you back online.”

(This calms her down, especially after I have to tell her to hang up so I can check her line. I see right away that her DSL signal is there and there are no other problems in the line that could prevent her from going online. It remains to check if her router dials in, so I call her again.)

Me: “Good news, ma’am. Your line is up and running.”

Caller: “Bull-s***! I’m still not online!”

Me: “I wanted to see why that is. Can you describe me once again the lights on your router?”

Caller: “The upper one is on, and the one all the way down is also on, but the others are off.”

Me: “Can you tell me again what model router you’re using?”

Caller: “It’s [Model].”

(Note that it is a brand that our ISP stopped selling about six years ago and it’s not been in support for more than a year, so I can’t connect the customer with the device support hotline.)

Me: “All right… So, the upper light means the device is on AND that it gets a stable signal. The lower light is the Wifi symbol; it means the device’s wireless network is active. So all we need to do is try and log your account in again. Sometimes the devices just erase them. I usually don’t do this, but I’ll make an exception just this time for you.”

Caller: “Okay, tell me how to do it.”

Me: “First, can you tell me how your computer is connected to the router? With a cable or wireless?”

Caller: “I don’t have a computer.”

Me: *after a slight pause* “How do you use the Internet?”

Caller: “With my iPad.”

Me: “All right, that should do it. If you could please get the iPad and open your browser—”

Caller: “Browser? What is that?”

Me: “The program you use for the Internet.”

Caller: “That’s Google. You should know this! Are you stupid?”

Me: “…”

(We couldn’t get her online. I gave up after I realized she had no idea how to open a website with Safari, which I somehow managed to locate. I got yelled at the whole time.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 27
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 25