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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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About To Be Charged For (Theft) Of Battery

, | San Francisco, CA, USA | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(A male customer comes in, walks up to the counter, and puts a package of batteries on the counter.)

Customer: “I want to return these.”

Me: “May I have your receipt, please?”

Customer: “I don’t have a receipt.”

Me: “Then I will need a government issued ID.”

Customer: “I have a college ID.”

Me: “I am sorry, sir. It must be a valid government issued ID.”

(He hands me the college ID.)

Me: “I am sorry, sir. This ID isn’t government issued.”

Customer: “Fine, then I won’t return ’em. Stupidest f****** rule ever.”

(The customer proceeds to wander around the store looking around, and then returns to the front counter with his hands empty.)

Customer: “I lost my batteries.”

Me: “Okay, sir, I can have an employee help you look for them.”

(I wave an employee over and assign him to help the customer look for the batteries. They head out to the floor to look. The customer selects a few items as he is looking around. Then all of a sudden, with his hands full, he casually walks right past the cashier and out the front door. I walk up to the doorway and yell.)

Me: “Sir, you need to come back in and pay for those items.”

Customer: “Why? You stole my d*** batteries!”

(I watch him get in his car. I get the license plate number and call the police and give them a general direction the customer headed. The police call me back fifteen minutes later.)

Officer: “We caught the suspect. He was trying to return the items you described as stolen to the [Drugstore] across the street from you.”

Me: “What?! Wow! Okay … uh… hmm.”

Officer: “Yeah, I know. Sometimes I can’t wrap my mind around how some people can be so stupid either.”

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Returner Burner, Part 5

| Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in a busy baby store where people always return nearly their entire purchases two weeks later.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I want to return these items.”

Me: “No problem. Do you have your receipt with you?”

Customer: “Yeah, here.”

(The customer hands me the receipt. I notice she is returning everything she purchased, at least 10 items, except a $5 t-shirt.)

Me: “Okay, so it will be [total] going back onto your card today?”

(The total was $5 less than the total she paid as she wasn’t returning the t-shirt.)

Customer: “What!? That isn’t right. I paid [total stated on receipt]. Why aren’t I getting all of it back. I should get all of it back!”

Me: “Um, madam—”

Customer: “See I will show you my bank statement”

Me: “Madam, the reason why you—”

(Before I can finish my sentence she starts shoving her phone in my face with her bank history on it.)

Customer: “See?! [Store] on the first of September, [total] was taken out of my account! Now give me that total back!”

(I begin to get annoyed so I raise my voice.)

Me: “I cannot return that total amount to you as you are not returning everything you purchased. You are not returning the t-shirt, is that correct?”

Customer: “Obviously.”

Me: “Therefore you will be getting the total amount back minus the cost of the t-shirt.”

Customer: “Well, you didn’t tell me that I wasn’t returning everything!”

(I completed the return just shaking my head. So did the customer waiting behind her.)

Related:
Returner Burner, Part 4
Returner Burner, Part 3
Returner Burner, Part 2

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General Positioning Stress

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

(The phone rings:)

Caller: “Hello, where is your store located?”

(I let them know the address and area landmarks.)

Caller: “Okay. Is that the nearest one to me?”

Me: “Um, well, I don’t know where you are currently located, so I’m not sure. We have several area locations.”

Caller: “Will you GPS some directions for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I don’t have the capabilities to do that, nor do I have your location. If you can tell me where you are right now, I can maybe give you some verbal directions.”

Caller: “I’m not telling you where I live! Just GPS it.”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t believe I can help you. If you are located in [Town], we are your closest location.”

Caller: “JUST GPS IT! YOU ARE GIVING TERRIBLE CUSTOMER SERVICE! WHY WON’T YOU HELP ME?!

Me: “Yeah, I’m really sorry, but I don’t think you understand how GPS works. I’m sorry. Have a good day!” *click*

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The Perfect Picture Of A Bad Customer

| OH, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in the electronics department of an extremely large global retail chain, which could frankly fill its own section of this website. Every couple of weeks we get a customer who understands very little about her devices, but treats our associates with incredible disrespect and rudeness and storms off before we have a chance to explain what she needs. I happen to draw the short straw this time.)

Customer: “I need to know how to download pictures from my phone to my computer so I can print them.”

Me: “Okay, what kind of camera do you have?”

Customer: *pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes as though praying for patience* “The KIND. That takes PICTURES.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but there are several different options available depending on the type of camera. Let’s try this another way: Does your camera have a slot called ‘SD Card’?”

Customer: *sighing, rolling her eyes* “Now how the h*** am I supposed to know that?!”

Me: “Sometimes it’s next to the battery compartment. Would you mind opening it up so I can check?”

Customer: “YES, I MIND! IF I OPEN IT I’M GOING TO LOSE ALL MY PICTURES!”

Me: “Ma’am, rest assured that your pictures aren’t stored in the batteries.”

(At this point, the customer threatens to have my job if her pictures are deleted, calls me a pissant, and goes on a rant about retail workers while trying to open the compartment. Finally she manages it.)

Me: “Okay, your camera already has a Micro SD card in it. You’ll need to physically remove it to transfer your photos, since I see the USB slot is broken. We have some kiosks available that will allow you to print them off right now if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, because you guys keep copies of my photos and I don’t want that.”

Me: *losing patience a bit* “Ma’am, we have never kept a copy of anyone’s photo. We won’t return photos that are pornographic or copyrighted, but those go into the shredder, not our pockets. Now, your computer will need an SD card reader in order to—”

Customer: *doing the nose pinch thing again* “Yes, I already know that. Have a good day.” *storms off*

Me: “See you in a couple of weeks…”

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She Needs All The Sweetness She Can Get

, | USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working at a well-known fast food restaurant when a lady comes in and asks for a large vanilla iced coffee with two extra pumps of sugar. We already put five pumps in all large iced coffees. A little while later she comes running back up to the counter. I hear the conversation between my manager and her.)

Lady: “You got it wrong again! This is too sweet! How hard is it to make a god- d***ed iced coffee with TWO extra sugar!?”

Manager: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am. I will be happy to replace your coffee but I have to ask you to refrain from cussing. There are children here.”

Lady: “Fine! Just get me my coffee. ONLY TWO extra sugars! Not 20 like you always do!”

(My manager goes to make her a new iced coffee. He hands it to her and asks her to try it.)

Lady: “Finally! Someone can get it right.”

(She storms out of the store without another word and I walk over to my manager.)

Me: “Sir, I made that coffee and I can assure you I only put 2 extra sugars in it.”

Manager: “I know. She comes in every now and then and does the same thing. What she really wants is ONLY two pumps of sugar.”

Me: “Has anyone told her?”

Manager: “Yes, but she insists that extra means only.”

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