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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Getting Sour Over The Sauerkraut

, | GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(Our spicy mustard is clearly labeled spicy mustard, and I generally clarify, when someone asks for deli mustard, that they want the spicy and not something else. No one has EVER had a problem with this. Our reuben sandwiches – which are half size, even for a “whole” – are also premade except for a little cup of sauerkraut and thousand island, which is also premade.)

Customer: “I want two reubens.”

Me: *looking for the kits underneath the sub station*

Customer: “Oh, and I want one half turkey.”

Me: “We can’t split meats, and the reubens aren’t very big to start with.”

(I put one on top of the station.)

Customer: “That’s not what I want! I want it on the foot long roll!”

Me: “Sure, we can do that.”

(I verify with the manager that we’d charge as a special order, instead of the reuben. It actually ends up cheaper.)

Customer: “Actually, I want one of them turkey.”

(I slice the meats, get her bread, and start with mayo or mustard as the usual, which is not standard on a reuben.)

Customer: “Mayo on the roast beef, mustard on the turkey.”

Me: *reaching for the yellow mustard, about to squeeze it on* “I’m sorry, did you want a roast beef instead?”

Customer: “Deli mustard! No, I want corn beef!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Spicy mustard? And we have corned beef here. I thought you said roast beef.”

Customer: “Well, everywhere else calls it deli mustard.”

Me: “Sure miss, I understand. Our label just says spicy mustard, see? I just want to make sure I get the right thing on your sandwich. Sauerkraut and thousand island?”

Customer: “Yes, a lot of sauerkraut and a little dressing. On the reuben, not the turkey.”

(Unwilling to make another comment that might upset her, I use the sauerkraut dressing kits on the reuben, and go to toast both sandwiches.)

Customer: “You didn’t put the sauerkraut on the turkey!”

Me: “I’m sorry. I thought you said you didn’t want any on the turkey?” *I get the kits and put it on the turkey as well*

Customer: “We don’t seem to be communicating very well. You got very upset that I called the deli mustard ‘deli mustard’ and insisted I call it spicy mustard and even shoved it in my face! And you didn’t hear me say about the sauerkraut!”

(Note at this time, she’s changed her mind half a dozen times on bread, cheese, meats, mayo/ mustard, and now the sauerkraut but she seems completely unaware that she keep changing her mind, and clearly believes everything is my fault for not knowing what she meant when she says something different.)

Me: “My deepest apologies, ma’am. I’m sorry I’m just a bit confused. You changed your mind a few times so I want to make sure I get your order right.” *I get the sandwiches out and take them to the veggie station* “What would you like?”

(At this point, we go through a dozen veggies, where I keep having to clarify both sandwiches, or which sandwich, and she’ll tell me to put something on that I’ve already put on, almost like she can’t see it at all, even though she is staring intently at it.)

Customer: *at the end, I’m about to wrap it up* “You didn’t put thousand island on it!”

Customer #2: “Hey, is there someone else that can help me! I’ve been waiting here forever!”

Me: *to the first customer* “Yes, I did, ma’am, it was mixed in with the sauerkraut kits I put on earlier.” *to Customer #2* “Miss, we all have customers right now but we will be with you as soon as we can.”

Customer: *mumbles* “Well, I didn’t want the dressing.”

Customer #2: *glares*

Me: “The sauerkraut kits were premade and out of my control. That’s what comes on a reuben sandwich, and you said you wanted dressing earlier and just asked me why I didn’t put it on.”

(I wrapped up the totally disgusting looking reuben and turkey/sauerkraut with loads of veggies sandwiches  before she can mutter another word, and I hit the button for the more expensive brand and hand them off. She glared at me, opened her mouth and started complaining that they weren’t labeled reubens (which at that point, they weren’t). I heard her yelling about it to the air as I helped Customer #2, who as it turned out just wanted something for the self-serve hot case, but apparently didn’t notice the lack of glass front. I went around to the back and promptly burst into tears at getting yelled at over spicy mustard.)

H2-Slow, Part 9

| MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(One early morning I answer the calls.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was wondering if you carried dehydrated water?”

Me: “I’m sorry, dehydrated water?”

Customer: “Yes, dehydrated water.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t mean distilled water?”

Customer: *getting annoyed* “No, I definitely mean dehydrated water.”

Me: “Sir, to dehydrate something is to remove the moisture. If you remove moisture from water, you get air.”

Customer: “Oh, never mind!”

Related:
H2Slow, Part 8
H2Slow, Part 7
H2Slow, Part 6

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 18

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Math & Science

(A sorority full of girls calls in with one girl as the primary contact, unable to connect to their wireless router. First, as I’m verifying the address:)

Customer: *…[digit], [digit], [digit], one slash two.”

Me: “So that’s [full number] and a half.”

Customer: “NO, one slash two.”

(Later on while troubleshooting:)

Me: “So how many devices are you trying to connect wirelessly?”

Customer: “Well, we have seven or eight devices total, but only two are ‘wirelessly.’ The rest use the wifi.”

Me: “…”

Related:

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 17

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 16

Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 15

She Can’t Get With The Program(mers)

| NY, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am browsing in a large, well known office supply store, in the computer section.)

Customer: “Do you like computers?”

Me: “Yeah. I actually want to start learning [Programming Language]. I like—”

Customer: “Oh, so you’re a coder?”

Me: “Not really—”

Customer: “Cool. I was looking for someone to code me a website!”

Me: “I can’t do that.”

Customer: “Why not?”

Me: “Because, A: The most complex thing I know is Scratch, and B: Even if I did know [Programming Language], it’s used for apps. So I can’t help you.”

Customer: “Can’t you just do it in, I dunno, 2-math?”

Me: “You mean base 2? Like, Binary Code?”

Customer: “NO! 2-MATH!”

Me: “Um, no. I can’t code a website for you in bi- um, ‘2-math.'”

Customer: “I’ll pay you twenty dollars…”

(She continues to follow me around the store, asking me to do various tasks for her. Keep in mind, I AM NOT A PROGRAMMER. And that wasn’t all; she wanted graphic design, too.)

Employee: “Oh great.”

Me: *still with the customer behind me* “What?”

Employee: “Her again?”

(He proceeded to kick the annoying customer out.)

Employee: “I have no idea why she thinks everyone in the computer section can design a website for her. Really, who looks for a programmer in [Store]?”

Brain Not Listed

| San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

Me: “…”

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