Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Framing Your Family

| UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

(I’m showing a customer our range of picture frames.)

Customer: “How big is 8″ by 10″?”

(I pick up a frame of that size and hand it to her.)

Customer: “How big is it though?”

Me: “That big.” *pointing at the frame*

Customer: *stares at the frame blankly before moving on* “What about this?”

Me: “It’s 4″ by 5″. It would accommodate a picture that is a quarter the size of the one in your hand.”

Customer: *waving her hands wildly* “That makes no sense!”

Me: “Umm, perhaps if you tell me the size of the picture you want to frame, I can show you what we have?”

Customer: “Don’t you give me a picture?”

Me: “We have some available for purchase.”

(I show her our collection.)

Me: “Is there any that take your fancy?”

Customer: *after looking over the selection* “Do you have any with my grandchildren?”

Me: “…”

They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

Taking Inventory And An Earful

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I work in Jewelry at a well-known department store chain. It’s a few hours into our Black Friday sale, and I have just moved on to our next customer waiting, who asks to see a pair of gold earrings in our case.)

Me: “These are 18k yellow gold, and the full price is [price], so the discount today is—”

Customer: “No, I’ve looked at these earrings before. They are supposed to be 14k, at [much lower price].”

Me: “Oh, we had several different versions of this earring in stock; it’s a common shape. You were probably looking at an earlier pair we had.”

Customer: *getting angry* “No, it was THESE EARRINGS. I saw these earrings a year ago, and I’ve been watching them all this time, waiting for this day to come and buy them. This is bull-s***!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am… but if it’s been that long, they were probably sent back to the vendor. We remove older pieces every month to make room for the newer pieces coming in. We did have about five versions of this style of earring, but I remember sending some back about half a year ago.”

Customer: “This is bull-s***! It was THESE EARRINGS! I looked at them just a month ago! You’ve changed the tags on them. This is fraud!”

Me: “Ma’am, we haven’t changed the tags on these earrings. The ones you saw were a different pair. I can check the back-stock to see if we have any left.”

(I check, and find a larger 14k pair at the same price as the ones in the case, and a smaller 14k pair with a price halfway between what we have and what she wanted. I bring them out to show her.)

Me: “Ma’am, it looks like we only have two versions left. This pair is the cheapest we have right now. The ones you saw before were probably smaller than these—”

Customer: *now gesturing to the new earrings I’m holding* “No, THIS was the pair I saw! And now the price is different! This is fraud!”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said, we had several of these earrings. The pair you saw was either purchased by another customer, or sent back.”

(She refuses to believe me, and continues complaining as she shops, using the words “fraud” and “bull-s***” repeatedly. She decides to buy the earrings along with a few other pieces, and complains to my manager while I am ringing her up about “waiting a year for these earrings” and us “changing the tag”. My manager tells her the exact same thing I had about the earrings she wanted either being bought by someone else or sent back, but the customer insists the pair I am ringing up are the ones she had seen, conveniently forgetting she had said the same thing about the pair in the case! She finally leaves after getting the contact info for someone “higher up” to complain to, and my manager shoots me a sympathetic look.)

Me: *sighing heavily* “That’s not fraud; it’s called ‘Inventory’. I don’t think she knows how stores work. Who expects something to still be there after a year, anyway?”

Between The Has And The Has-Nots

| IL, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work at a store where most of our sales come from people buying gifts off of registries. We are no longer allowed to offer to print the entire list because our customers refuse to read so we have to just print the available items.)

Customer: “I need the registry for [Name].”

Me: *prints a copy* “Here you go! Let me know if you need help finding something!”

Customer: “But… how will I know if she already has something?”

Me: “If she already has it, it won’t be on the list.”

Customer: *looks at me like I’m stupid*

Me: “…unless she asked for more than one of the exact same item but did not get the exact amount she wants. You only have a list of what she still needs.”

Customer: *condescendingly* “But this column says ‘has’!”

Me: “Right! And all the numbers in the ‘has’ column will be zero or at least less than the number in the ‘wants’ column!”

Customer: “So how will I know if she needs something!?”

Me: “If she needs it, it will still be on the list. Nothing that anyone else already fulfilled will even be on the paper. You can buy anything on the list!”

Customer: “Well, now I’m just confused.”

Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 10

, | Adelaide, SA, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(The store I work in is located in a large mall. Occasionally we get calls asking for directions to our store located in the mall, and when I answer this call I assume that’s where the conversation is headed at first. Note that I’m on my own in the store at this point, because my coworker is out the back on her lunch break.)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Are you near [Store Next Door]?”

Me: “Yes, we’re right next door.”

Customer: “Oh, good. Could you pop in there and speak to them for me? I’ve been trying to call them about my order but no one’s picking up the phone.”

Me: “I’m sorry; you want me to go next door?”

Customer: “Yeah, just go in real quick and ask them to check on my order for me. My name is—”

Me:” I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t leave my store at the moment. You’ll have to call [Store Next Door] back to check with them yourself.”

Customer: “They’re not answering the phone, and I’ve been trying for ages. You’re right next door. Just go and check with them.”

Me: “As I explained before, ma’am, I can’t leave my store right now. I’m sorry, there’s nothing I can do to help you.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. You’re just being lazy. This is terrible customer service!”

(The caller hangs up the phone before I get a chance to reply and I go about my day unaffected, until the phone rings again not ten minutes later…)

Me: “Thanks for calling [Store]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I was wondering if you could help me. I’m trying to get in contact with [Store Next Door] and they’re not answering their phone. I guess it must be a little busy over there. Would you mind popping next door and checking on my order for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, did you call about this just a moment ago?”

Customer: *flustered, since I’ve caught her out* “No. Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about. My name is [Customer]. Can you just pop next door and check on my order for me? I’ll hold the line.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but as I told you the last time we spoke, I cannot leave my store to check on your order. I’m on my own at the moment, and I have to serve customers here.”

Customer: “I’m a customer! Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Are you interested in purchasing products from this store?”

(The customer promptly hung up on me.)

Related:
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 9
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 8
Doesn’t Understand The ‘Custom’ Part Of Customer, Part 7

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