Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Bacon Fakin’

| Springfield, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(In my line of work, dealing with customers results in us having to answer some questions with really obvious answers with a straight face and a calm, friendly tone. This one that I heard over the headset in the drive-thru, however, really took the cake.)

Customer: “What do you call that cheeseburger with bacon on it? The bacon cheeseburger? For $1.69.”

(She is obviously reading it from our outdoor menu as that is the price.)

Customer: *continued* “Does that have bacon on it?”

(It’s a good thing I wasn’t taking orders that day. My sarcastic reply to a coworker was, “No, we just call it that for the fun of it.”)

Made A Gross(ery) Error

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid

(Our store is pretty busy but the last rush is just winding down. The phone rings. My coworker answers the phone; I’m unable to hear what he’s saying for a few moments.)

Coworker: “Just a second, ma’am.”

(Turns to me.)

Coworker: “Anybody turned in any groceries today?”

Me: “No, what’s up?”

(He turns back to the phone before answering me.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we haven’t had any turned in but let me get your name and number and we’ll call if they are.”

(He takes down her name and number before hanging up, then turns to me.)

Coworker: “She put her groceries in the wrong car.”

Me: “She put her groceries in the wrong cart or car?”

Coworker: “Car. She even said the interior was different but she didn’t think anything about it at the time.”

(Nods head.)

Me: “Okay, then.”

(We both fell into bouts of laughter.)

Email Fail, Part 11

| AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

(I work as a librarian in my town. We aren’t really allowed to stay and help patrons on the computers because we aren’t qualified tech support nor do we have the time. Occasionally, I bend the rules a little and assist patrons who really need it. But today I really learned why we don’t help with computers.)

Patron: “I need help printing something from my phone.”

Me: “Is it in an email?” *this is usually what people mean by ‘on their phone.’*

Patron: “I don’t know. It’s just on my phone.”

Me: “Okay, it would need to be sent to an email and I can log you on to one of our computers to print. We can’t do any wireless printing, sorry.”

Patron: “How do I do that?”

(She leans over the counter with phone in hand asking me to do it for her. It takes a couple of tries but finally sends to her email. I log her onto a public computer and have to reset her email password for her because her “phone just knows it and she doesn’t have to log in, ever.” 15 minutes has already gone by.)

Patron: “I ordered flea bath for my cats on [Website] because I was getting a good deal.”

(I try to be polite and sound interested. However, it’s after lunch time and I’m starving.)

Me: “That’s great.”

Patron: “Yeah, but it was written in some foreign language I can’t read so I don’t trust it. I’m sending it back. But the guy was from Texas! I thought it’d at least be written in American.”

Me: *just nods head; I never respond to remarks like this*

Patron: *pointing to the screen* “The page won’t send me the return label. Why?”

Me: “I’m not really sure. It must be the website. It says to try again later. It could be running slow.”

(We try a few more times to open the email. She decides to call the website’s customer support number to get an answer.)

Patron: *on the phone with support* “I really don’t know what you’re saying. I don’t understand all this computer stuff. Talk to this girl that’s helping me.” *she shoves her phone that’s been pressed against her face into mine*

Me: “Hello?”

(I try not to act disgusted by using a stranger’s phone as I tell him exactly what the page says and he understand immediately what happened. The seller created the shipping label wrong so the site couldn’t process it correctly. It would be another week before it’s fixed and she could return her flea bath. The phone call lasted another ten minutes.)

Patron: “Well, okay. If I don’t get the label then, do I just throw my stuff away? I don’t trust it.”

Me: “I guess so. I’m just going by what the support guy said.”

Patron: “Okay. Anyways, I thought the flea bath was written in Mexican or something. I can’t read that so I asked my daughter to come look at because she took Mexican in high school. But she said “Mama, I can’t read that. It ain’t Mexican.” So I’m guessing it’s probably United Kingdom language or something. I can only read American. Thanks for all your help though!”

(She left the computer without getting her label and I rushed to lunch in bewilderment at her story. When I came back from my break, I learned that she left her contact information in case we ever sold our book carts or card catalogues. You know, the two main things we use daily. I won’t be bending the rules again any time soon.)

Related:

Email Fail, Part 10

Email Fail, Part 9

Email Fail, Part 8

Their Selfishness Is Stronger Than Their Math

| UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “We are offering a voucher for £10 off for anyone who donates to charity today. You can also use that voucher in your current purchase.”

Customer: “How much would I have to donate?”

Me: “We ask for a minimum of £1.”

Customer: “£1? What a rip-off! No, I’ll just stick with what I have.”

Me: “Okay, that’s £24.99, please.”

(She paid and left, looking happy with herself. It was surprising how many people weren’t willing to take a reduction of £9 because £1 of it went to charity.)

Your Knowledge Has Run A’foal

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am volunteering at a horse rescue and on the day of the open house fundraiser. I am stationed in front of a few stables to talk about the individual horses and make sure guests aren’t behaving too aggressively with the animals.)

Me: “This is DJ. He’s 15 years old and was rescued from an abandoned farm when he was just a foal. He’s been livi—”

Guest #1: *interrupting* “What? He was a different animal when you found him?”

Me: “No, ma’am, a foal is a baby horse.”

Guest #1: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know a baby horse is a pony. A foal sure ain’t a pony.”

Me: “Well, actually, ponies are just a small breed of horse; the actual name of a baby horse is a foal.”

(The guest looks down at her daughter and tells her, very clearly, that I don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Child: “My mommy says you’re stupid.”

Me: “I’m very sorry she feels that way.” *addressing the crowd as a whole again* “Anyway, DJ was brought here as a foal—”

Guest #2: *interrupting* “Wait, didn’t we just determine that foals aren’t real?”

Me: “Again, foals are very real. Ponies are as well. Ponies are a breed of horse; foals are baby horses. A baby pony is a foal.”

Guest #1: “Gee, I don’t know what this place is paying you, but they should save their money for someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a volunteer.”

Guest #1: “Oh, so that’s why you don’t know. You’re just here for the cake.”

(Guest #1 and her daughter walk away, leaving me slightly dumbfounded. About 20 minutes later, my barn manager walks over to me.)

Manager: “I received a complaint you were spreading false information.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I was unaware that foals don’t exist and ponies are actually just baby horses.”

Manager: “There’s a reason you’re the volunteer and she’s not. You can take your break now. Go and get yourself a slice of cake.”

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