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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Did The Magic Smoke Come Out, Too?

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer In Front Of Me: *to computer guy* “Hi, my computer made a bang noise, stopped working, then there was weird smell… Is that a bad thing?”

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Entree-Level Knowledge

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the drive-thru speaker. After the customer gives her order, consisting of several sandwiches without combos, I repeat it to her.)

Me: “So that was one [Item #1], entree only, one [Item #2], entree only, and—”

Customer: “No, no, no! I ordered the sandwiches! I don’t know what an entree is, but I’m not paying for that! Ring me up right!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I—”

Customer: “Why are you people always getting my order wrong? I just want the sandwiches!”

(She continues to rant, but when she finally takes a breath, I cut in.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, please pull forward to the window.”

(When she pulls up, she starts yelling at my coworker as soon as she gets to the window.)

Customer: “I don’t know what those entree things you rang me up for are! You’d better make sure my order is right and not charge me for any entrees! I just want [Items], with no combo meals!”

Coworker: “Okay, ma’am, we’ve got that right here. Your total is [amount].”

(None of us felt like dealing with the screaming and line delay that would have come if we’d tried to educate her.)

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They’re Not The Brightest Star In The Sky

| Plainsboro, NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I lifeguard at a pool in a residential neighborhood. We’re required by state law to check the chlorine and PH of the water every hour. As I’m testing the chemicals, a woman approaches.)

Woman: “Is the chlorine all right? Is it safe to come in?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Woman: “Okay, because last time we came here, when we went home our skin was dark!”

Me: “Oh, the chlorine wouldn’t do that to your skin.”

Woman: “No? Then what would?!”

Me: “…The sun?”

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Doesn’t Give A Truck, Part 2

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

Caller: “Hey, I just got a text from [Rental Company] saying my truck was stolen, but that doesn’t make any sense because I just returned it.”

Me: “Really? Dang, that sounds terrible! When was the last time you saw it?”

Caller: “Well, see, I’m not the one who turned it in; it was my brother. I gave him the keys and he took it to the [Rental Company] place and dropped it off after hours.”

Me: “I… see. And do you happen to know how exactly he went about that?”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t know. He parked it in front of your lot.”

Me: “Sir, can you tell me exactly WHERE he parked it?”

Caller: “Well, see, the center was closed, and he didn’t want to trespass or nothing, so he left it on the edge of that gas station right next door to you.”

Me: “Sir, he didn’t leave it on our premises, so it wasn’t turned in properly.”

Caller: “Hey, he sent me pictures. I’m not responsible for this. My brother turned it in, and I can prove he did.”

Me: “Did he make sure to turn in the key?”

Caller: “How was he supposed to do that? You were closed.”

Me: “Sir, there’s an after-hours drop box where you’re supposed to leave your key. You’re telling me he didn’t turn in the key?”

Caller: “No, man! He left it in the center console!”

Me: “…and he didn’t lock the doors?”

Caller: “Well, he wasn’t going to lock the keys in. That’d be pretty stupid, right?”

Me: “…”

Caller: “Anyway, I got pictures, so I can prove my brother turned it in. I won’t be held responsible, and I ain’t paying any damn fees.”

Me: “Uh…”

Caller: “So we’re good, right? I did my part. I called it in. Now it’s your problem.”

Me: “Sir, it is absolutely still your problem. That truck was stolen due to negligence. You should have told your brother how to turn it in, or else drove it in yourself. It’s still your name on the rental.”

Caller: “No way! I got pictures! I can prove he turned it in! You can’t make me pay for this! It wasn’t my fault! That truck was there, right in front of your place last night! Do you want me to send you the pictures he took?”

Me: “Sir, did you get the text from [Rental Company] before or after your brother sent you the pictures?”

Caller: “Oh, I got the text WAY after, but it doesn’t matter because we turned it in.”

Me: “Let me transfer you to customer service…”

Related:

Doesn’t Give A Truck

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Wish You Could Shoe Away This Customer

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “Hi, [Customer], I see here you want to place an order for this shoe?”

Customer: “Yes, can we also get the brown pair as well?”

Me: “Of course, give me one moment!”

(I find the other shoe pretty quickly.)

Me: “Okay, you’re new total is $32.93.”

Customer: “No, that other agent said I would get free shipping!”

(I look over the order total. The shipping for an order with more than one item is, as I thought, 8.95. But it looks like the last agent gave her a $10 store credit to cover the shipping.)

Me: “It looks like you are only paying for the cost of the shoes; I see a $10 credit that has been placed on the account to cover the shipping.”

Customer: “No! My total is supposed to be 13 dollars!”

Me: “Ma’am, that would be your total if you had only one pair of shoes.” *breaks down the total for her of the two shoes [16.99 each] and the shipping, and then points out the ten dollar credit*

Customer: “Well, if I place one order with one item, and then I can call you guys back and place the second order, then will it be 13 dollars like he said it would?”

Me: “Ma’am, you can place all the orders you want with me right here, and placing the items on different orders would make it cheaper, but we do ask that you pay for the cost of the shoes.”

Customer: “Okay, let’s do that!”

Me: “Okay.” *takes one pair of shoes out of the cart* “Your total is $13.94. Do I have your permission to charge your card?”

Customer: “Why am I paying for shipping still?!”

Me: *considering disconnecting the call* “Ma’am, you aren’t paying for the shipping. Since there is only one item in the cart, your shipping is only 6.95. We gave you a $10 discount, so the shipping is free and the shoe itself is almost four dollars cheaper.”

Customer: *defeated* “Well, I’m just confused. I wasn’t told anything about any credit!”

Me: *deep breath while customer is on mute* “When we waive the shipping fee for you, we actually put a credit on your account to cover the shipping.”

Customer: *even more confused* “I want to talk somebody else.”

Me: *in a more firm, but still very nice tone* “Ma’am, no matter who you talk to math still works like math. If you have a shoe that costs $16.99 and shipping that costs $6.95, your total WILL be $23.94 normally, but we gave you a $10 discount on your order so your total is $13.94.”

Customer: “Okay, I’m confused but go ahead and place the order.”

Me: “Do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $13.94?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *places order then gets the other shoe in the basket* “All right, now you have free shipping. I have the other shoe in your basket; do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $16.99?”

Customer: “No! The shoes are supposed to be 13 dollars! What is going on?”

Me: *goes quiet for what feels like forever* “The cost of the shoe is $16.99. Do I have your permission to charge your card in the amount of $16.99.”

Customer: “Well, I guess!”

Me: *places order* “Any other questions I can help you out with?”

Customer: “When should I expect to see them? I have an event I want to wear them at next week.”

Me: *our shipping timeframes are long, but the customer would know the timeframe if she’d read the very obvious description* “They should ship to us in 3-4 weeks because they are imported. Then they will ship out to you in one week.”

Customer: “YOU MEAN I HAVE TO WAIT—”

Me: “Have a good day, ma’am.” *click*

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