Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Their Career In Crime Went Pop

| ON, Canada | Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid

(I am in university, and I get a job at a fast-food chicken place not far from the main club area, where many students come to drink and party. The restaurant is set up so that customers can place their orders at the front, and while their food is being prepared, they can take a pop or dessert from the cooler. On my first night working, a couple of somewhat inebriated 20-somethings come in. My coworker on cash takes their order and I begin to prepare it in the back. As I’m working, I hear the thumps of running feet in the front, and the bell on the door jingle violently. I turn to look at my coworker who is looking back at me.)

Coworker: *explaining incredulously* “They just stole two cans of pop.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I process this, and wonder what the protocol is and if we need to call the police or anything.)

Coworker: “But they paid for their food.”

(I look down at the empty packages in front of me.)

Me: *with a grin* “Ah.”

(We joked about the incident for the rest of the night, wondering how long the thrill of having successfully stolen $2 worth of pop, would keep the master thieves from realizing they’d left their $15 meal behind.)

The Difference Between Hard And Soft Reading Habits

| Dallas, TX, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work at a bookstore where we regularly receive phone calls at the information desk for books to be put on hold. We usually ask for the title and go locate whatever copies we have and then call the customer back. This teenage-sounding boy has asked for a book that’s on many high school reading lists and I have gone and gotten the hardback and paperback versions and am calling back to see which he would prefer:)

Me: “Hi, [Customer], this is [My Name] calling you back from [Store]. I was able to locate a hardback and paperback of Lord of the Flies and was wondering which you would like to be put on hold?”

Customer: “How much are they?”

Me: “The paperback is only 1.50 but the larger hardback, which would leave you more room to write in, if this is for a class, is 5.00.”

Customer: “And when you say paperback, what do you mean?”

Me: “Um… it has a paper cover rather than a hard one and is a smaller version of the book.”

Customer: “So, like, it doesn’t have an actual cover?”

Me: “No, it does. It just happens to be a paper cover rather than a hardback.”

Customer: “So, is it like plastic?”

(This goes on for quite a while, while I attempt to come up with different ways to describe a paperback, which is harder to do than you think. Finally he says—)

Customer: “Okay, just forget it. Thank you.”

Me: “Okay. Well, I mean, the paperback is only 1.50.”

Customer: “I’m just not getting what you’re trying to tell me.”

Me: “How about I just put them both on hold and you can come look yourself?”

Customer: “Great!” *hangs up*

(I wish I could have been there when he saw what we were debating over.)

Intelligence Isn’t Going Through A Renaissance

| MD, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, History

(We have a small bookstore at a renaissance festival, which tries to focus on history over fantasy. We carry books on making clothing, drying cloth, heraldry, medieval and renaissance recipes, blacksmithing, etc. These are two overheard customer comments that have never left us.)

Customer #1: *looking at books of names and heraldry* “I wonder if any of my relatives were alive during the Renaissance?”

(Passing by outside:)

Customer #2: “Oh, look, a bookstore! We should get Harold a book!”

Customer #3: “No, Harold already has a book…”

Now They’re Reply-All Knowing

| TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m the stupid one in this story. This is from a few years ago, before I knew not to send credit card info by email at all, but this took it a bit further. I’m on the phone with my credit card company’s customer support line:)

Agent: “Thank you for calling [Credit Card Company]. This is [Agent]. May I have your account number?”

(We exchange the account info and I answer the appropriate security questions.)

Agent: “And how may I assist you today?”

Me: “I need to deactivate my card and have a new one issued.”

Agent: “I can certainly help you with that. Was the card lost or stolen?”

Me: “Not exactly…”

Agent: “…?”

Me: “I sent my credit card info by email, but I accidentally hit ‘Reply All.’ So my credit card number, expiration date, and security code got sent to about 150 people.”

Agent: *after ten seconds of silence* “I see. Okay, I have deactivated your card and ordered a replacement. It should arrive in 3-5 business days. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Me: “No, that’s it. Thank you. And thank you for not laughing.”

Agent: “You’re welcome, sir.”

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Bacon Fakin’

| Springfield, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(In my line of work, dealing with customers results in us having to answer some questions with really obvious answers with a straight face and a calm, friendly tone. This one that I heard over the headset in the drive-thru, however, really took the cake.)

Customer: “What do you call that cheeseburger with bacon on it? The bacon cheeseburger? For $1.69.”

(She is obviously reading it from our outdoor menu as that is the price.)

Customer: *continued* “Does that have bacon on it?”

(It’s a good thing I wasn’t taking orders that day. My sarcastic reply to a coworker was, “No, we just call it that for the fun of it.”)

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