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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Got A Chocolate Chip On Their Shoulder

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “Can I get you anything else today?”

Customer: “I’d like this with a meal, but with cookies instead of chips.”

Me: “All right. What kind of cookies?”

Customer: “Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; someone just bought the last ones. We have chocolate chip with M&M cookies instead if that’s all right.”

Customer: “Just chocolate chip.”

Me: “We’re out of those at the moment, like I just said, but we have all the other kinds of cookies available right now.”

Customer: “But I got chocolate chip yesterday.”

Me: “Well, we don’t have any right now.”

Customer: “But there were some yesterday. That’s what I got yesterday. Chocolate chip.”

Me: “Well, that was yesterday. TODAY we are out. We have all the other kinds, though.”

Customer: “…But yesterday I got chocolate chip.”

Me: “That’s not what you’re getting today. Not here, anyway.”

(The customer got M&M cookies instead and left looking supremely confused and angry with me for not giving him the chocolate chip cookies we didn’t have.)

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We’re Gonna Need A Bigger Boat Insurance

| Columbia, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Transportation

(I answer phones at a boat repair shop. We live in an area where bass fishing is BIG business and have a mobile repair truck that we dispatch to docks and people’s backyards.)

Me: “Good morning. Thank you for calling—”

Caller #1: *interrupts me* “Oh, thank god you are there. I really need your need help!”

(The caller sounds like a teenager.)

Me: “Okay, how can I help—”

Caller #1: “I really need you to get out here and fix a [type & size of] motor. TODAY!”

Me: “We are booked up right now. We won’t have time to come see it until next week.”

Caller #1: “NO, NO, PLEASE! You have to come TODAY! My dad is going to kill me!”

Me: “Okay, calm down. I can send someone out but it will be a $100 charge to even come see it.”

Caller #1: “$100! I don’t have that kind of money! I… I…”

Me: *in a motherly tone* “Hon, how old are you?”

Caller #1: “I’m sixteen.”

Me: “What happened?”

Caller #1: “My dad went out of town for the weekend. He told me not to touch his boat but I had some friends over and—”

Me: “…and you wanted to show off and you did something?”

Caller #1: “Yeah.”

Me: “Okay, what did you do; maybe I can help you?”

Caller #1: “Well, we were in the backyard and I got up on the boat and started it and it ran great for a few minutes and then when I tried to rev it, it made a clunk sound, smoke poured out, and now it won’t start.”

Me: “Wait, you ran it on a trailer in the backyard? It wasn’t in water?”

Caller #1: “Yeah. What do I do? My dad is going to be furious.”

Me: “You need to call an adult relative and get them to come over with you.”

Caller #1: “Why?”

Me: “Because you are dead meat. Your father is going to kill you. You blew the motor.”

Caller #1: “What?! Can’t you fix it?”

Me: “NO. You overheated it. The reason boats need to be in the water is because it sucks in water to use to cool the engine. You ran it OUT of water so there was nothing to cool the engine. You overheated it and blew it.”

Caller #1: “But you can fix it, right?”

Me: “No, you will have to buy a new motor.”

Caller #1: “How much? I have a bank account.”

Me: “The motor you described will cost $6,000.”

(At this point he starts crying and begging me to help him and fix the motor. I tell him I am sorry; there is nothing to be done except call a relative and be a man and tell his father the truth, and next time listen to his father. Two days later I get a call:)

Me: “Good morning; how may I help you?”

Caller #2: “Yeah, my dumb-a** son ran my boat in the yard, and overheated and blew the motor. I need to know the cost of a new motor so I can let him know how long he is going to have to work to pay it off.”

(I was glad to hear the kid would live.)

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Email Fail, Part 10

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(My company just opened up a rewards program for customers. You earn coupons immediately when you make a qualifying purchase. i.e. when you spend $30+ you earn a $5 coupon off a purchase of $10+; when you spend $100+ you earn a $20 off a purchase of $40+. The downside is we only email/text them to you; we do not send coupons to your house or issue rewards cards.)

Me: “I see your total comes to over $30. Would you like to sign up for our rewards program? You’d earn a $5 coupon right now.”

Customer: “I’m already signed up.” *tries to hand me a competitor’s rewards card*

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not for my store. We don’t issue cards, but if you just give me a phone number and email I can sign you up for free right now.”

Customer: “I’m not giving you my email.”

Me: “Okay, just know you can sign up any time on our website.”

Customer: “I want to sign up now.”

Me: “Okay, I just need a phone number and email.”

Customer: “I don’t give out my phone and email.”

Me: “Then how am I to sign you up?”

Customer: “Just give me the coupons.”

Me: “How? They need to be emailed to you.”

Customer: “No, you can just hand me some.”

Me: “No, that’s not how it works.” *explains how to earn coupons*

Customer: “Well, I’m NOT giving you my email. So, what are you going to do about this?!”

Me: “Tell you to have a nice day, dear.”

Customer: “What about my coupons?!”

Me: “I’ll email them to you.”

Customer: *suddenly happy* “Oh, okay! I can’t wait to get them.” *leaves without ever giving me their email address*

Me: “I’m going to go take a break.”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 9
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7

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Always One Answer Ahead

| USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work in customer service for a large pharmaceutical wholesaler. I speak to a lot of busy pharmacists who are too busy to listen to me, but this one took the cake!)

Customer: “Can you tell me when [item] will be back in stock?”

Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! Bear with me a few moments while I look it up, please.”

Customer: “Can you look it up?”

Me: “Certainly, it will just take a few seconds to populate.”

Customer: “Do you see it?”

Me: “It’s almost loaded… Okay, I do apologize, but it looks like my information for this item is outdated. I will need to check with the distribution center for an update.”

Customer: “Can you find out from the distribution center?”

Me: “Yes, sir. I will send them a ticket and call you back with their response.”

Customer: “Will you call me back?”

Me: “Yes. May I verify your phone number is [number]?”

Customer: “Thank you! Bye!”

(Fortunately, it was the correct number. I was worried, since he didn’t seem to hear most of anything else I had said!)

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Email Fail, Part 9

| Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

Me: “Hello! You’ve reached [Company]. How can I help you today!”

Customer: “This is an outrage! I received your coupon email, but it won’t work on your site!”

Me: “Okay, could I please have the coupon code to check it?”

Customer: “Which coupon code? I have nothing like that!”

Me: “Oh, I thought you said you had received an email. Wasn’t there a coupon code there?”

Customer: “You mean I have to READ the email?!”

Related:
Email Fail, Part 8
Email Fail, Part 7
Email Fail, Part 6

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