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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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This Can’t Be Right

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid

(A group of teenagers comes in and one of them approaches me.)

Teenager: “Can you tell us how to get to [Location]?”

Me: “No problem. You just go out my door, turn left, and it’ll be just around the corner. Can’t miss it.”

Teenager: “Thanks.”

(They go out the door, look around for a moment and their spokesperson returns.)

Teenager: “Which way is left?”

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Getting The Wrong Smoke Signals

| IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

Customer: “I’d like a pack of [Brand] cigarettes, the brown pack.”

Me: “Sure! You know, we don’t sell much of this kind. Had a regular customer special request them and accidentally got most the other varieties trying to order the right kind.”

Customer: “I’m glad you do. They’re addictive-free!”

Me: *taken aback for a split second but managing to keep my incredulity mostly in check* “Actually, it’s just additive free. See?” *I point to the packaging* “It just means they don’t add in any extra stuff to them.”

Customer: *being super nice but sticking to her guns* “Well, they’re nicotine-free.”

Me: “No, they still have it.”

Customer: “They’re 100% tobacco, so they don’t have nicotine.”

Me: “Oh, no, nicotine is part of tobacco; you can’t really separate it out.”

Customer: *having completed the purchase starts walking away, continues responding to me, but sounding either confused, or doubtful of my knowledge* “Oh, okay…”

Me: “Yeah, it only say 100% U.S. grown. It’d be like having orange-free orange juice, you really can’t have it without the oranges… Um, have a nice day!”

(I realized as I said it that with artificial flavoring, you CAN have orange-free orange juice, but that’s beside the point.)

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Not The Brightest Light In The Amazon

| PA, USA | Extra Stupid

Me: “Thank you for calling; how can I help you today?”

Customer: “I was hoping you could tell me if a light I purchased will mount with this hardware.”

Me: “Okay, can I have an order number or phone number to look up your purchase?”

Customer: “I didn’t buy it from you.”

Me: “Okay… Do you have a part number so I can look it up for you?”

Customer: “No. I got it on Amazon.”

Me: “Do you have an part number for the mounting hardware? I can look that up for you.”

Customer: “You don’t sell it. And it didn’t tell me on Amazon.”

Me: “So… you purchased a light we don’t sell and a mounting kit we don’t sell and you want to know if those two objects will fit together?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Your best bet with that would be to contact Amazon, sir.”

Customer: “I didn’t even think of that. Do you have their number?”

Me: “…”

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Scoring A Perfect Ten

| Australia | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

Customer: “What is the difference between this pack of 3 clarinet reeds (size 1.5) and this box of 10 clarinet reeds (size 1.5)?”

Me: “Seven reeds.”

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A Bit Too Cheese-Thick

| UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The pizza place I work at has an item on the menu called cheese-sticks, which is pretty much garlic bread with cheese on a pizza base cut into sticks instead of slices.)

Customer: “Hi, can you do garlic bread with cheese, please?

Me: “Well, we have cheese-sticks which is garlic bread with cheese, just cut differently!”

Customer: “Er… no, I want garlic bread with cheese?”

Me: “That would be cheese-sticks then, sir.” *adds item to order*

Customer: “No, I want garlic bread with cheese? Can you remove cheese-sticks from the order, please?”

Me: “The cheese-sticks is garlic bread with cheese, sir, just cut differently. I can have it cut into slices if you want?”

Customer: *looks at a bunch of his friends and gives them the ‘is this girl thick’ look*

Manager: “[My Name], do what he says.” *gives me dead eye*

Me: “Garlic bread with cheese, then!” *types in cheese-sticks*

Customer: “Thanks, wasn’t too hard was it?”

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