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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Racists Are Popping Up By The Dozen

| PA, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

Customer: *to my coworker* “I would like a half-dozen plain glazed donuts.”

(My coworker packs them up in a box sized just for the half dozen, and then turns to start ringing the customer up.)

Customer: “Uh, EXCUSE me, I asked for a HALF DOZEN donuts.”

Coworker: “This is a half-dozen, ma’am.”

(He opens the box to show her.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. A haaaaaaaalf dooooooozen. Why can’t they hire people who speak English. You there!”

(She is snapping her fingers at me, and I come over.)

Customer: “I ordered a half-dozen donuts and this [racist slur] gave me six!”

Me: “A half-dozen is six.”

Customer: “Oh, my god, are you an idiot!? There’s ten in a half-dozen!”

(She pulls out her phone, muttering comments about how dumb I am and racial comments about my coworker. She flashes a screen with the search “how many are in a half dozen,” and then hits enter. It comes back with six, and she turns a bright shade of red.)

Customer: “Oh, my god. Oh, my god, this is bull-s***.” *she turns to leave the store, and then stops at the door and turns to my coworker* “Go back to where you came from! I hope you are deported!”

Coworker: “I’m from New Jersey.”

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At War With ‘Z’

| WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

(All of our patron and ticket data is stored in a database. We generally print the tickets two hours before a show, but patrons can pick up their tickets early provided they give us the name it was purchased under. When we pull up their file, we are instructed to read off their address to confirm that we have the right person as we do have multiple people with the same name.)

Patron: “Hi, I’m here to pick up tickets for Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

(I search her name. There is only one result but I read the address anyway.)

Me: “Sure. Melissa at [Address #1]?”

Patron: “That’s me!”

Me: *opening her account* “I don’t see any tickets here. Were they maybe purchased under someone else’s name?”

Patron: “No, they should be under mine. Melissa [Last Name] for [date].”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have anything here.”

Patron: “But they’re for [date]! I purchased them!” *getting upset*

Me: “Do you remember what seats you bought? Even the general area?”

Patron: “Oh… I think they were in row E… somewhere in the middle.”

(I open up our seating chart for her date and looking over the purchased seats, I find what I believe are hers…)

Me: “Er… Would that be Meliza? With a ‘Z’?”

Patron: “Oh! Yes!”

Me: *pulling up her ACTUAL file; it has a completely different address* “And you’re at [Address #2]?”

Patron: “Correct.”

Me: “So not [Address #1]?”

Patron: “What? No. [Address #2]. I’ve never lived at [Address #1]!”

Me: “Good to know. All right, then.” *I print out her tickets and give them to her* “You’re all set! Have a good one!”

(She left and I waited until she’s gone before I face-palmed. Seriously, if you have an unusual spelling please mention it. And don’t just tune employees out when they’re confirming your information. This happens WAY too often.)

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One Hot Coffee Equals Three Cold Ones

| England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(We are on a business trip. It has been a long drive and we stop for something to eat.)

Customer: “Can I get a coffee, please?”

Cashier: “Sure; it will be just a moment.” *to me* “How can I help you?”

Me: “Hi, three [meals], please.”

(The cashier sorts a tray out, and starts loading up the three soft drinks for my order. At this point the customer before me wanders off and comes back with a straw, picks up one of my drinks.)

Me: “Er, excuse me, what do you think you’re doing?”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “That is obviously my order; you ordered coffee.”

Customer: “Oh, I, err.”

(By this point his coffee is finished.)

Cashier: “Your drink, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, err, thanks.” *scurries off*

Cashier: *to me* “Did he not notice there were three of them?!”

Me: “How did he not notice it was ice cold?!”

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Will Need A Large Drink After This

| Peterborough, ON, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

(A customer places an order in drive-thru. I give them their total and greet them at the window.)

Me: “Hi, your total is [total].”

Customer: “Sorry, can we add a large drink to that?”

(I ring it in and give them their new total.)

Me: “Okay, with the drink your new total is [$3.00 more].”

(She hands me enough money for the original total.)

Me: *counting the money* “Sorry, I just need another $3.”

Customer: “Okay.”

(She doesn’t move, just smiles at me.)

Me: “Sorry, you were $3 short. Your total was [total] and you only gave me [amount].”

Customer: “…”

Me: “…I need another $3.”

Customer: “I’m just trying to figure out why it costs more now.”

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Raising Requests

| Anchorage, AK, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(Next to the registers is our balloon station, where we fill balloons with helium, tie them off, etc. We like to do this with the customer next to us, and many customers love to help out any way possible; holding balloons in place while we tie, helping cut the strings, etc. Today I am helping a customer with a balloon bouquet.)

Me: “Okay, is that big enough?”

Customer: “That’s perfect!”

Me: “Great, now let me tie it off…” *I do so* “And, oh shoot, I forgot to get the string ready. Will you hold the balloon for me while I measure out the string? Just say ‘when.'”

Customer: “Okay.”

(I hand the balloon to the customer, who takes it between their hands. Once I pull out the string they want, the customer releases the balloon and we both silently watch it float fifteen feet to the ceiling.)

Me: “Why did you do that?”

Customer: “I… really don’t know.”

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