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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Pay Him To Keep Quiet As A Mouse

| Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m the customer in this one. I drop a quarter in my kitchen and it rolls under the stove. Shining my flashlight under the stove to find it, I’m mortified to see the body of a mouse, staring glassy-eyed back at me. I call a pest control company and the exterminator arrives the next morning.)

Exterminator: “So, I’ll just check under your stove, get rid of the dead rodent, and I’ll check for signs of any current infestation.”

Me: *as the exterminator looks under the stove* “Thank you. I try to keep things clean, and I worry about my little boy crawling around on the floor when there’s-”

Exterminator: “Sir?”

Me: *surprised at being interrupted* “Yes?”

Exterminator: “Here’s your mouse.”

(He holds up a little cat toy: a cloth mouse, complete with shiny little plastic eyes.)

Me: “How much do I owe you for the trip? And how much extra to never, ever, tell anyone?”

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Didn’t See The Smoke Signals, Part 2

, | PA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work in the front end of a pharmacy retailer that recently stopped selling cigarettes in an effort to promote customer health. It’s been almost two years, but exchanges like this still happen regularly.)

Customer: “Hi, I’ll have a carton of [Brand] cigarettes.”

(I look behind me to where the cigarettes used to be stored, where there is now a large sign with a crossed out cigarette and a slogan that reads: “Quitting starts here.”)

Customer: “…You don’t sell cigarettes, do you?”

Related:
Didn’t See The Smoke Signals

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Planting The Seeds Of Stupid

| CT, USA | Extra Stupid

(I’m a manager for a window treatment/home décor shop. We are known for having a VERY generous return policy. One my newest associate answers the phone.)

Associate: “[My Name], I think I need help with this customer.”

Me: “Okay, what’s going on?”

Associate: “This woman is a decorator, and she bought some of the artificial topiaries for her client a while back. She wants to know if she can return them.”

Me: “That should be fine. What’s the trouble?”

Associate: “Her customer watered them.”

Me: “…”

(I got on the phone and politely explained to the customer that while we are pretty lenient with returns, this was one time I would have to say ‘no.’ Fortunately she was very understanding. Her client told her that the topiaries ‘were drying out, and looked like they needed water.’ He even claimed that they started sprouting new plants afterwards!)