Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Photo Perfect Representation Of A Cheapskate

| AL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(I am a manager. I am called up to the front to perform a return on a passport photo without a receipt.)

Me: “Hi, so you need to return this passport photo?”

Customer: “Yes, the visa office said it wouldn’t work.”

Me: “I’m so sorry about that. I’ll get this taken care of. Now, without a receipt, I can only offer you store credit unless you have the card you purchased it with.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I don’t want store credit. I’d like cash. I paid with cash.”

Me: “Yes, I understand, but without a receipt, the only options I can provide you with are an exchange or store credit.”

Customer: “Just a moment. I know I kept that receipt.”

(The customer begins digging through purse. My cashier shoots me a look that lets me know that she had previously done this and no receipt was found. Two minutes pass.)

Customer: “Oh, here it is!” *hands me a receipt from our competitor*

Me: “No, ma’am, this is from [Competitor] and for breath mints.”

Customer: “Oh. I guess I’ll take store credit.”

(I run the transaction through and the customer leaves. Per policy, I shred the returned photos and throw the pieces away I think I am done for the day. Twenty minutes later…)

Customer: “EXCUSE ME, MISS!” *interrupting me helping another customer*

Me: “Yes, ma’am. I’ll be with you in one moment.” *goes back to ringing up customer*

Customer: “Well, I’ll be real quick. I need my photos back.”

Me: “Just one moment, ma’am, and I’ll help you.” *finishes with customer* “Ma’am, what photos are you referring to?

Customer: “That passport photo I just returned. I want it back.”

Me: “Ma’am, after I returned them, I shredded them for your protection. I could reprint them or retake a passport photo and ring you up, though.”

Customer: “No, I don’t want to pay for it. Since the picture had my face, I wanted to keep it and get my refund. Why did you shred it?”

Me: *confused* “So you wanted your money back and to keep the picture?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Ma’am, if you brought back a defective blood pressure monitor and returned it, I would keep the blood pressure monitor. I would not let you have the monitor and your money back.”

Customer: “But I wanted everything for free. I saw it on TLC and thought for sure it would work. I heard young women managers are usually nice about this thing.”

(I can only assume she meant ‘Extreme Couponing’ or ‘Extreme Cheapskates.’ She left after trying to convince my cashier to dig through the garbage and tape all the pieces together. Some people make me wonder about humanity.)

The Laziness Epidemic Is Escalating

| Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

Customer: “Excuse me, could you tell me where your escalator is, please? I need to go up stairs.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t have one. We have a lift you can use though.”

Customer: “Oh, no. Lifts are for lazy fat people who don’t want exercise. I prefer the escalator.” *leaves the store*

Me: *internally* “How are escalators healthier than lifts? You’re still letting a machine move for you!”

I Handle Customers Like You For Lunch

| Brooklyn, NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am usually the only person in the store where I work so I end up eating my lunch at the counter. This day I’ve brought three small Tupperware with cheese, crackers, and sliced apples. They are placed at the counter closest to me, a far reach for any customers, but not hidden. A customer walks up to pay for an item and I turn to get the box for it. When I turn around, he’s pulled the containers near him and it eating my lunch!)

Me: “Excuse me! That’s mine!”

Customer: “Oh! I’m sorry, I thought they were samples.”

Me: “Samples?! Of WHAT?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Just samples.”

(I pull them toward me and finish the transaction in silence as I’m both amazed and angry. When he leaves he says this gem:)

Customer: “Geez, don’t get all twisted up. How was I supposed to know they weren’t samples?!”

(I couldn’t think of anything to say to that that wasn’t incredibly impolite.)

The Sauce Of The Fire

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I live and work in a fairly deprived area, which comes with all the usual associated problems.)

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell cream sauces?”

Me: “Did you mean savoury, or ice cream?”

Customer: “What’s ‘sav… saver… savernee’?”

Me: “Um, like dinner instead of pudding?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s that. I need it for chicken.” *waves a box of imitation [popular American southern-fried chicken] pieces at me*

Me: “Wouldn’t you prefer a bottle of ketchup or mayonnaise for those?”

Customer: “No! I need to make a cream sauce for the chicken for my girlfriend. It’s our anniversary and she said she’d dump me if I took her to [Popular Fast Food Chain] again!”

Me: “Well, there’s nicer places to eat out. If you really want to make something, though, you’d be better off buying whole unprocessed chicken chunks. Not many things apart from other southern US flavours would really go well with what you have picked out.”

Customer: “So how do these packet sauces work?”

Me: “Well, you can cook them with milk. Some people like to add a little cream once it is thickened, but there is really no need as the packets all have thickening agents in them.”

Customer: “But which one do I buy?”

Me: “We’ve got bread sauce, bèchamel, cheese sauce, creamy peppercorn, or parsley sauce.”

Customer: “I don’t like parsley.”

Me: “One of these plainer ones, then? Cheese might be nice if you wrap the chicken in bacon.”

Customer: “Maybe. What’s peppercorns?”

Me: “Um, they’re a type of dried fruit. People like to grind them.”

Customer: “But what IS it?”

Me: “You ever put salt AND pepper on chips?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “The not-salt half of salt and pepper.”

(We continued the conversation. The customer eventually made his selections and left. I was sure it was just coincidence when I saw a fire engine go past two hours later; turned out it wasn’t! His girlfriend came in the next day to say he’d tried to use orange juice for the cheese sauce mix as he had run out of milk, and then put the chicken breasts directly onto the oven shelf. Amazingly she is still with him but says she will be more than happy to go to Fast Food Chain next time!)

That Was Too Much Change For Him

| Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Technology

(We sell cigarettes. The machine only takes coins.)

Guest: “Hi, I’d like to buy some cigarettes, please.”

Me: “Sure! Do you have enough change?”

Guest: “I only have this €10 bill.”

Me: “No problem. There’s a change machine right next to it.”

Guest: “I don’t know how that works.”

Me: “Uhm… Okay. It’s really easy. You put the bill in the top part, and coins fall out the bottom.”

Guest: “I’ve never done it before. Can you do it?”

Me: “I’m a little busy. It’s not hard. Just put the bill in the top, and coins fall out the bottom.”

(The guest walks away. I continue with my work thinking that this is the end of it. A minute goes by.)

Guest: “THE D*** MACHINE WON’T GIVE ANY CHANGE!”

Me: “Well, let’s take a look. Where’s your bill?”

Guest: *points to the bill, hopelessly lying on the top of the machine*

Me: “Ah, I see. You have to put this in the bill slot, right here, see?”

Guest: “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?!”

Page 5/390First...34567...Last