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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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I Don’t Have The Energy To Explain The Energy

| Hampshire, England, UK | Bad Behavior, Criminal & Illegal, Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work for a major energy supplier in the department that deals with accounts where the customer hasn’t paid for at least 18 months. Most people we talk to haven’t paid for two to three years and we are in the process of taking legal action.)

Customer: “Yeah, I have a letter saying you’re going to court. How do I stop it?”

(I tell the customer all her options and she decides she’d like to arrange a payment plan where she pays for her usage and her debt every month. I tell her that the amount she must pay is £100 which includes her monthly usage and her debt, which is two years worth of unpaid gas and electric bills.)

Customer: “That’s a lot. Are you sure that’s right? I’m hardly ever home. I think your meter is broken.”

Me: “No, your usage is only £50, but you have to also pay the debt on your account, so your usage is £50 but in order to pay back what you owe over the period of a year, your plan will be set to £100. This is £50 for what you use every month and £50 to clear your balance.”

Customer: “But you just said I only use £50. Why are you charging me double? You can’t do that.”

Me: “We’re not charging you double, ma’am. Like I explained, your usage is £50, but you haven’t paid anything for two years. You have to also clear that balance off, too.”

Customer: “I understand I have to clear my balance but why are you charging me double?”

Me: “If you just paid your usage, you wouldn’t clear your outstanding balance.”

Customer: “But surely just paying something would bring my balance down.”

Me: “Well, no, because as you pay, you would continue using gas and electric which, of course, you have to pay for, so you need to pay enough money for that as well as a little extra to cover your outstanding balance.”

Customer: “But I told you, I’m hardly home! I work lots of hours.”

Me: “Do you have a fridge?”

Customer: “Well, of course I have a fridge and a freezer.”

Me: “Do you turn them off when you go to work?”

Customer: “No, that’s stupid. They wouldn’t work and all my food would be ruined.”

Me: “Okay, do you cook your own meals when you get back from work?”

Customer: “Yes. Most days.”

Me: “Do you do your own laundry or do you go to a launderette?”

Customer: “I do my washing at home; I have a washer and a dryer and a dishwasher, too.”

Me: “So what you are telling me is that even while you are working, you are using energy because your fridge and freezer are on while you are out and when you get back, you use your gas and electric. Whether you use a little or a lot of energy, you still have to pay for it. For the past two years, you haven’t been paying for any of it, so you have built up a debt on your account, so not only do you have to pay for your usage going forwards, but also for the energy you haven’t been paying for the past two years. This is why the minimum you have to pay for the next 12 months is £100. After that, your payments should go down to £50 because you will have cleared your outstanding balance and then only have to pay for what you are using.”

Customer: “…but I still don’t understand why you are charging me double; if I only use £50 worth of gas and electric, why do I have to pay £100? Is this a fee for not paying for two years?”

Me: *really wanting to bash my head against the table* “I can send this to you in writing if you like.”

Customer: “Okay, but I want to set up the payment plan today before it goes to court.”

Me: “Okay.” *I take down all her details and then confirm the amount*

Customer: “Wait! I said £50, not £100! Stop trying to take all my money! That’s illegal – it’s theft. Maybe I will go to court after all and tell them that you are trying to rob me!”

(At this point I have zero patience left. I have been on the phone explaining the same thing over and over for what feels like forever.)

Me: “Actually, ma’am, it is you who have been stealing from us. We have been providing you with energy that you have not paid for. If you go to court, you will have court fees added to your account as well. The judge will not rule in your favour because you haven’t paid a penny in two years, despite our regular communications, and now that you are calling today, you are still refusing to pay for your outstanding balance.”

Customer: “Fine. I’ll go to court. See you there. We’ll see what the judge thinks of your sneaky extra charges!” *click*

(Customer called up several times after, trying to get a different agent, and they all told her the same thing, so she asked to speak to a manager. In the end she decided she would go to court. The court ordered her to pay, and she had to also pay court costs on top of it all just like I warned her, so her payment plan ended up being more. Last I heard she was writing to the ombudsman saying we were operating illegally. Y’know, because asking customers to pay for the electric and gas they used is illegal.)

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Time To Ship Them A Brain

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I am a manager at a large retail chain store and am called over to the guest service desk to assist a customer.)

Customer: “I did an in-store pick up order but I didn’t know these items would be so big… Can I take them off the order?”

Me: “You would need to cancel your whole order and we can ring you up right now for the stuff you do want.”

Customer: “But online I got free shipping…”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “If I buy them here I won’t qualify for the free shipping…”

Me: “…?!”

(I give the guest a bewildered look and he looks back at me puzzled.)

Customer: “Do I have to pay for shipping now?”

Me: “You don’t pay shipping for in-store pick up, sir.”

Customer: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yeah…”

Customer: “I don’t wanna risk it. I’ll just take the large items. No worries. Thanks!”

(Am I missing something?!)

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Doesn’t Have The Head For This Kind Of Work

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Popular

(I work as a dispatcher for my hometown.)

Me: “911, what’s your emergency?”

Caller: “My husband has been lying on the couch moaning in pain all day; I think he needs to go to the hospital. My address is [address].”

Me: “Okay, an ambulance is on the way. Did your husband eat anything unusual today?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Does he have any allergies?”

Caller: “No.”

Me: “Where did he say the pain is coming from?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay, but did he do anything unusual today that could cause his pain?”

Caller: “Um, well, he shot himself in the head this morning.”

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Give Them An Inch And They’ll Just Be Confused

| Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I work for a salon furniture company and this customer has called in asking about the width of an item.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Hi, I was calling about [Item]. What is the width? It says 46.5″ but how long is that exactly?”

Me: “The width is as listed. The 46.5 inch measurement is correct.”

Customer: “Yeah, but how long is that? How long is 46.5 inches? How long is that exactly?”

Me: “It is exactly 46.5 inches, sir. That is the exact measurement.”

Customer: “No, how long is that exactly? Like I know is says 46.5 but how long is that??”

Me: “It is just under 4 feet, sir.”

Customer: “Cool, that is all I needed to know. Could have said that the first time.”

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Rage Against The Machine

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I work for a debt relief company, and due to that, we get many angry callers demanding to know how we “found their number” (we got it from that Get Debt Relief application you filled out yesterday) and those who think we’re either collectors or scammers. I had a great conversation today with a woman who thought I was a robot.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Debt Relief Company]. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Are you one of those robots?”

Me: “No, my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “You sound like a robot.”

Me: “I assure you that I am a real person. My name is [My Name]. How can I be of assistance?”

Caller: “They could have recorded that!”

Me: “I am not a recording.”

Caller: “Of course the recording would say that!”

Me: “You’re wasting my time. Goodbye.”

(I disconnected the call as, fortunately, we are allowed to do. Sadly, not everyone is so lucky, and many jobs expect you to put up with that crap.)

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