Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Not The Sharpest Pair Of Scissors

| OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Customer: “Where’s your skidders at?

Me: “I’m sorry, the what?”

Customer: “Skidders. Skid. Ers. Where they at? I can’t find ’em anywhere.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can tell you where just about anything in this store is, but I’m not sure I’m familiar with skidders. What are they used for? What do they look like?”

Customer: “Ugh. SKIDDERS! God, you’re dumb.”

Me: “No, I’m not. We just don’t carry skidders here. Sorry.”

Customer: *making a scissoring motion with his fingers* “Skidders! Where. Are. Your. Skidders. You cut paper with ’em. Jesus!”

Me: “Oh, you mean SCISSORS? They’re actually right here. Right in front of you. This whole eight-foot section is nothing but scissors.”

Customer: “Well, I call ’em skidders. God, you’re dumb.”

(How am I supposed to know what you want when you make up your own words for things and can’t see what’s right in front of you?)

Red Alert!

| São Paulo, Brazil | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Geography

(Someone call us requesting us to go to their house get their computer so we can repair in our shop.)

Caller: “Hello! Can you come here get my computer to fix it?”

Boss: “Sure! What is your address?”

Caller: “It’s [Street], [house number]. It’s right in the intersection. It’s a two-floor yellow house.”

Boss: “[My Name], go and get the computer; it’s easy to find.”

(I go there and find the house number, but it’s red, and all houses have two floors. I ring the bell nonetheless but no answer the door, so I call my boss.)

Me: “[Boss], I’m here at the number, but no one is coming and the house is red.”

Boss: “Okay, give me a minute. I’ll call them.” *calls Customer* “Hey, [Customer], my employee is at the number but I think it’s the wrong place. Can you explain again how to get there?”

Customer: “Sure! It’s [Same Street and number], a two floor yellow house.”

Boss: “There’s just a red house at that street, and no one answered the door.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah. It’s yellow, but we painted it red last month.”

Allergic To Common Sense, Part 11

| NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I work in a southwestern-themed restaurant, and many of our recipes include similar spices, just in different amounts. Onion is one of the most prominent ingredients in our recipes, and we sometimes get a request for ‘no onion’ in certain items. We can make some things, but it’d be pretty much just lettuce, cheese, and any number of fresh chopped vegetables that aren’t onion or mixed with anything that has onion in it. As such, I get this man in line.)

Customer: “I’d like a burrito.”

Me: “Okay, would you like that with or without guacamole today?”

Customer: “With.”

(The guacamole has onion in it.)

Me: “What kind of meat on your burrito?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

(The chicken has onion in the seasoning.)

Me: “Any rice or beans?”

Customer: “Sure, I’ll take [rice with onion in it], and [beans with onion in them].”

Me: “Any grilled vegetables?”

Customer: “Ooh, no, thank you. I’m allergic to onion.”

Me: “Sir… if you’re allergic to onions then I highly suggest you don’t eat this burrito. There is a load of onion in it already.”

Customer: “Oh, no, I’m only allergic to onion that I can see.”

(Eight years of culinary experience, and this is the first time I’ve heard that excuse. I made him his burrito – leaving off anything with visible onion – and he went on his way. No complaints yet.)

Related:
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 10
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 9
Allergic To Common Sense, Part 8

Their Comprehension Is Limited

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

(I’m a manager of a small pizzeria. Our coupons do not have expiration dates, but do specify “for a limited time only; all prices subject to change without notice.”)

Customer #1: “I got this coupon for $11.99.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that offer has expired. The combo is now $12.99, so it will just be a dollar more.”

Customer #2: *evidently grabs phone from [Customer #1]* “HEY! You gotta accept this coupon because there’s no expiration date on it!”

Me: “I’m sorry, that was for a limited time. We no longer have that offer. It’s now $12.99.”

Customer #2: “Nope, it doesn’t have an expiration date! All it says is, “limited time offer; prices subject to change without notice.” SEE, it doesn’t have a date on it! So you gotta take it.”

(After this goes on a couple of more rounds, she angrily accepted it, and let me know she’ll be contacting the owner.)

Growing Bed, Shrinking Brains

| Perth, WA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these sheets.”

Coworker: “Okay, let’s have a look. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No. The sheets are faulty and I want a refund!”

Coworker: “What’s wrong with them?”

Customer: “I brought them a couple of years ago for my queen-size bed. Last week I upgraded to a king size bed and THEY DON’T FIT. No-one told me they wouldn’t fit!”

Coworker: “…”

(The customer complained so much the matter was escalated to head office. She got her refund.)

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