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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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When Powering Up Brings You Down

| Stirling, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m the idiot customer in this. My phone isn’t working due to water damage, so I have a temporary replacement: my mum’s old phone. It worked fine for about four months, and then mysteriously stopped working after one of my exams. I left it for about a month, continuing to charge it overnight and try to turn it on, before I take it in to the phone repair shop.)

Me: “Hi, I have a [Phone] and I’ve brought it in once before. About a month ago it stopped working. I’ve been charging it but it won’t turn on.”

Employee: “May I see the phone?”

Me: “Of course!”

(I put the phone down and the employee presses a button.)

Me: “Oh, no, the power button is here—”

(The phone starts to turn on.)

Me: “Oh.”

(The employee just looks at me. I pick up the phone and look at the button he pressed; sure enough, there’s a power symbol there.)

Me: “Oh. Um. Right. I’ve just been pressing the wrong button.”

Employee: “Yes, the power button and the lock button are separate on this model. Most phones have one for both functions.”

Me: “Thank you. Sorry to bother you.”

(I left with the phone, feeling like an idiot.)

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Disconnected From Reality

| Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am doing troubleshooting over the phone with a woman whose office phone is acting up.)

Me: “So, I’m going to get you to reboot your phone. All you need to do is unplug the cable in the back of the base.”

Customer: “This data cable?”

Me: “Yes, that’s the one, but don’t do it yet or we’ll be disconnect— Hello? Hello?”

Pursing Over The Purse

| England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I work at a very well known shoe store in England. We happen to sell handbags and purses also, which are incredibly popular as gifts during the sale season. We only have two sale purses left.)

Customer: “This purse is exactly what I need, but there’s a huge scratch on it here, see? I want a new one! I’m paying lots of money for this; I deserve to have it in good condition!”

(I take the purse out of their hands. The scratch isn’t that big. If a customer is nice I do my best to find a new one, but he’s been particularly rude and huffing over our prices and the state of this “scratch”. What I actually do is take it to our cleaning supplies out back and moisturise the “scratch” out.)

Me: “Here you are, sir. I managed to find a new one for you!”

Customer: “That’s much better. Why don’t you just have new ones out on display? You shouldn’t sell defective merchandise!”

(He paid quite happily and left. All over a £10 purse. I had a giggle out back after that.)

Their Brain Was Dead On Arrival

| London, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(Customer reported his car had broken down. The call went pretty smoothly until the end:)

Me: “So if you have no further questions, I’ll arrange the assistance for you now and give you a call back when we’ve got someone on their way, once we have an estimated time of arrival.”

Customer: “I’ve got one question. When will someone be here?”

Me: “I’m very sorry, I can’t be sure until we have made a few calls and gotten the technician on their way. If you could give us a little bit of time to arrange things, expect a call back in about ten minutes.”

Customer: “But when will he be arriving? Will I get a call?”

(By this point I knew the customer wasn’t listening at all and what should have been a quick easy call was going to take an extra five-plus minutes.)

Me: “Yes, sir, as soon as we know we will give you a call straight back.”

Customer: *long pause* “So you don’t know how long it’ll be?”

Me: “I’m afraid not.”

Customer: “But I’ve got to go out later. What if he comes when I’m out?”

Me: “Well, we’ll be letting you know in advance. I’m sorry, but I don’t have an idea how long it will be until I call the technician, you see.”

Customer: *another long pause*

Me: “…Sooo, if that’s all for now, we’ll let you know the estimated time of arrival in ten minutes.”

Customer: “Okay, great, he’ll be here in ten minutes? How did you know without calling him?”

Me: *face-palm*

(I then had to spend the next few minutes explaining that the tech won’t be there in ten minutes, but we will let him know ASAP. In the time it took me, I could have dispatched it, called the technician, had a long chat about the weather, gotten the ETA, and called the customer back.)

Had A Sub-Standard Education

| Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Popular

Teenage Customer: “Can I get a ham on wheat?”

Me: “Absolutely. Is that a six-inch or twelve-inch?”

Teenage Customer: “What’s the difference?”

Me: *speechless*

(The customer’s dad turns to his son and gives him a disgusted look.)

Customer’s Dad: “One’s bigger, a**-hole.”

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