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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Dial ‘S’ For Stupid

| Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a well-known cable company that offers home phone, Internet, and cable TV. After normal greeting and verifying customer info:)

Customer: “Please help me; I don’t have a dial tone and I need to make a phone call.”

(I look at the phone info and see that it is currently being used. I look at the caller ID and realize it matches the customer’s telephone number.)

Me: “Sir, are you calling from your phone right now?”

Customer: “Well, yes, how else would I be talking to you?”

Me: “Sir, if you do not have a dial tone how did you call me from the phone?”

Customer: “Well, I don’t remember!” *hangs up*

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Wireless, Clueless, Hopeless, Part 27

| Denmark | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work from home as a technical worker for a big firm. Employees can call me for ‘serious issues,’  but more often than not it’s trivial crap.)

Employee: “Hello. I’m having issues with my WiFi not connecting as it should.”

Me: “Okay, that could be several reasons that cause this. Maybe you could do a quick automatic check?”

(I walk her through how to troubleshoot on Windows.)

Employee: “Okay, that’s fixed it for now, but maybe you guys should actually use ‘wind-proof’ routers.”

(I stutter for a moment, not believing someone could be so stupid.)

Me: “What do you mean exactly? WiFi signals that aren’t affected by particles in the air?” *I chuckle slightly*

Employee: “Yes, they aren’t so hard to get. I think my WiFi keeps blowing out the windows and away from my PC.”

Me: “Uh huh… I’ll look into that. Goodbye.”

(I put the phone down, and put my head in my hands for a full 10 seconds before going back to the task at hand.)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 26
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 25
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 24

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Unable To Continue This Disc-ussion

| Orem, UT, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “I’m booting from your CD but it’s not working.”

(I find out they’re running an older version and ask them to email us a picture of the CD or box so we can supply the most recent download links.)

Customer: “I can’t take a picture. I don’t have that. I bought it five or six weeks ago.”

Me: “You don’t have the CD?”

Customer: “No. I only have a quick start guide that came in the box.”

Me: “If you don’t have the CD, how are you booting from the CD?”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, that’s what’s in my computer. I guess that’s the CD.”

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Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13

, | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I’m a manager for a national clothing retailer outside of Boston and our store is running a promotion where customers can get coupons via text message.)

Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, how do I get a coupon?”

Me: “You send a text message to this number **** and we will send you the coupon back.”

Customer: “So, do I need a cell phone in order to receive text message coupons from you?”

(Skipping a beat to see if she is serious.)

Me: “Yes. Yes, you do need a cell phone to receive text messages.”

Customer: *looking confused* “Oh.” *she walks away*

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10

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My Carrot Top Complaint

| Savannah, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Hotels & Lodging

(I’m working as a server, checking in on guests who have already received their meal.)

Me: “Hey, how is everything?”

Customer: “Oh, yes, everything was good. Except…” *she points to an orange wedge in her fruit cup* “I do not like this carrot piece.”

Me: “Carrot? You mean orange?”

Customer: “Yes, it is orange! But it is still not a very good carrot!”

Me: “…I can’t argue that, ma’am.”

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