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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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When Your Customer Is A Very Heavy Smoker

| Boston, MA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

Customer: *on phone* “Hi, do you have smoke bombs to get rid of animals indoors?”

Me: “Yes, we do carry smoke bombs, but the only ones we have are for outside; you light the bomb and put it in the burrow or the hole the animal’s living in and the smoke drives them out.”

Customer: “Why wouldn’t that work indoors?”

Me: “They’re really not designed to be set off anywhere but outside…”

Customer: “But I just need to get rid of some animals in a little crevice in my house. I could use those smoke bombs for that, right?”

Me: “I really would not advise that.”

Customer: “But why not, though? Can you tell me why it wouldn’t work?”

Me: “Um… let me put my manager on the phone.”

(I put the customer on hold and call my manager over to get him to pick up the phone to help the customer.)

Manager: “What’s up?”

Me: “Would you care to explain to someone why they cannot set off outdoor smoke bombs inside their house?”

Manager: “Oh, you can set smoke bombs off in your house no problem. Just as long as you don’t mind being asphyxiated from the fumes a few minutes later.”

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Not Have A Wale(s) Of A Time

| Wales, UK | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Geography, Popular, Tourists/Travel

(The football world cup is on. A lot of English ex-pats have retired to our town and are displaying their flags. A lot of the Welsh people who live in town also choose to display Welsh flags, all year around.)

Customer: “Take them down.”

Me: “Sir? Take what down?”

Customer: “The bloody flags, you idiot. Take them down!”

Me: “Sir, respectfully I’d like to know what flags? We have none on display here.”

Customer: “Not here, you bimbo. All over the bloody town. F****** Welsh flags! It’s the world cup. YOU should be supporting ENGLAND.”

Me: “I don’t control what flags residents and other businesses choose to display – besides, this IS Wales. Many people are as proud to be Welsh as you obviously are to be English.”

Customer: “Well, it’s disrespecting the Queen.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Do you have a query I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah. I want these for the grandkids.”

(He hands me a fistful of souvenirs that all say ‘WALES/CYMRU’ on them, including a football with Welsh dragons on it, several Welsh flag erasers, and… a miniature Welsh flag!)

Me: “Uh… sure. That’ll be [price]. Have a great day!”

Customer: *leaves, muttering to himself* “Bloody foreigners. No respect.”

Coworker: “Welsh? Foreigners in our own country?”

Me: “Ah, [Coworker], did you not know that EVERYWHERE is foreign, even if you are English and somewhere besides England? It is everybody else and not you who is the foreigner.”

Coworker: “I hope Scotland votes ‘yes.’ Then, maybe we can think about leaving, too!”

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With No Bacon, Comes No Responsibility

| USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am working the counter at a sandwich shop when I get this exchange happens…)

Customer: “Can I get a BLT without the bacon?”

(When customers ask to remove certain items from their sandwiches, the sandwich price still remains the same. I decide to try to help the customer save some money…)

Me: “If you just want a lettuce and tomato sandwich you can select the build your own option and save some money if you’d like!”

Customer: “Why? I’m not poor! This shirt is cashmere!”

Me: “Oh, no, I never meant to imply that—”

Customer: “And who orders a plain lettuce and tomato sandwich? That’s poor people food! I ordered a BLT!”

Me: “…Without bacon?”

Customer: “That’s right!”

Me: “Will that be all?”

Related:

With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 12
From NotAlwaysRomantic
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 11
With Great Bacon, Comes Great Responsibility, Part 10

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Where Else Would You Egg-spect Them To Come From?

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Pets & Animals, Popular

(I’m an ER nurse and I am talking to one of my patients about my farm back home.)

Me: “Yeah, I have chickens and they’re about to—”

Patient: “What do you have chickens for?”

Me: “They lay fresh eggs that my family and I can eat.”

Patient: “You eat the eggs out of a chicken’s butt!?”

Me: “Uh… where do you think eggs come from?”

Patient: “I buy mine from the store. They’re store eggs!”

Me: “Those come out of a chicken’s butt, too.”

Patient: “But… but you said the ones you have are brown. The ones I get are white.”

Me: “Yeah… some chickens lay white eggs and other lay brown. That’s not how—”

Patient: “I guess I’m just never having eggs again… like, ever. That’s disgusting.”

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Ultimately Wrong

| Hopkins, MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(This is for the great waiter who was smiling and polite through this whole exchange.)

My Mom: “Oh, I know exactly what I’d like!” *points in menu at full description of sandwich, including picture* “The veggie sandwich!”

Server: “Oh, the ultimate veggie, great! Anything else?”

My Mom: “No, that will be perfect. I’ve had it before!”

(Time passes, food arrives.)

My Mom: “Oh, no, no. This isn’t what I wanted! I ordered the ultimate veggie sandwich!”

Server: “Ye-es. What seems to be the problem?”

My Mom: “Last time it was different. I wanted different bread. And is there mayo? No mayo. And no onions. I hate onions!”

Me: *head in hands*

Server: “No problem. I will be right out with that.”

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