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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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The Engine Of Your Destruction

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

(This customer has had their vehicle towed in.)

Me: “So, what issues are you having?”

Customer: “It won’t start.”

Me: “Okay, let me take a look and I’ll call you right back.”

(As I approach the vehicle I can see metal pieces on the ground. The customer’s engine had literally exploded and chunks of broken engine parts fell out whenever it was moved. I look up their service history to see if they could even hope for warranty coverage. They had no oil changes in over 28,000 miles.)

Me: “Due to lack of maintenance your engine is destroyed and needs to be replaced. The cost for this repair is around $6000.”

Customer: “Well, it’s a lease, so can’t I just turn it in?”

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Locked Yourself Out Of Your Brain

| Denver, CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Transportation

(I’m the customer in this story. I got in on a very late flight on a business trip, rented a car, and received what appeared to be the valet key set, without a remote. I’m not able to open the car door the next morning using the key. When I call the rental agency, I’m polite but feeling very self-righteous over having been given something obviously defective. After a rather lengthy phone call, they agree to send a locksmith to meet me in front of my hotel as soon as possible. I meet him & walk him out to where my car is parked.)

Me: “Thanks for coming. I have a coworker who can take me into the office, but the agency said I needed to meet you here to see if you can get the door open so I can take the car back.”

Locksmith: “No problem. So, the key doesn’t work to unlock it?”

Me: “Yeah. Last night I was able to turn the car on and I was able to lock it, but now I can’t get the key to turn in the lock!”

Locksmith: “Okay, there doesn’t appear to be anything wrong with this lock. You said you were able to lock the car with your keys last night?”

Me: “Yes. Well, I think. It was late, and now I don’t remember if I used the key or just flipped the lock manually before closing the door.”

Locksmith: “Uh huh. So, it’s not hard to pop these kinds of doors, but there are a couple of things. One, we wanna make sure you can turn on the car after I open the door, just in case the key is warped.”

Me: “Definitely!”

Locksmith: “And also, I’m noticing there’s an identical gray Kia SUV five parking spots down in the parking lot. Now, opening this door is pretty much like breaking into a car. Are you completely sure it’s this one and not that one?”

Me: “I know where I parked last night!”

Locksmith: “Well, if you’re sure. You said it was pretty late.”

Me: “Umm, now that you mention it…”

(Yes, I had mistaken a total stranger’s car for my rental. I’m just lucky I didn’t try to have that total stranger’s car towed, thinking there was something wrong with it!)

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Don’t Mess With The Moose

| MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Tourists/Travel

(I work for a state park, and we get asked a lot of the same questions every day. Sometimes we hear them enough and we simply respond by making some BS answer and continue leading the customer the wrong way, just so they will stop complaining.)

Customer: “This is my first time ever visiting here and I was wondering, when do the deer turn into moose?”

Me: *having heard this at least five times* “Usually around the end of October through the middle of November.”

Customer: “Could you be more specific on the date?”

Me: “My apologies, but it varies from year to year. Some years are better than others and they turn much quicker, though I have a feeling this is one of those years.”

Customer: “Oh, thank you for the useful information!”

(The man walked away thinking deer turn into moose. My coworkers asked how long I had been thinking of that answer. I made it up as we were talking, hoping he would catch my sarcasm…)

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 51

| Essex, UK | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work in a call centre for a clothing manufacturer and distributor. As we occasionally deliver internationally we work 24/7. At about 4 am I have a call come through.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. You’re speaking to [My Name]. How can I help?”

(Customer proceeds to reel off her credit card details.)

Me: *trying to politely interrupt* “Oh, excuse me, you’re through to [Company]. Did you want to place an order?”

Customer: *annoyed* “I already placed an order half an hour ago. I couldn’t find my card. I’ve found it now so I’m giving you my card.”

(There are only two of us in the office at this time and neither of us have taken a call in about two hours.)

Me: “Okay, well, if I can take your ZIP code—” *she’s American* “—I can search for your—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I only need to give you my card details; that’s all you need.”

Me: “Well, I would need to find your details to put your order through.”

Customer: *yelling* “I already placed an order! You have my details; I need to give you my card!”

Me: “I’m afraid I’d need to take the order again as we can’t put an order through without…”

Customer: *interrupting* “Are you from the UK? I can’t understand a word you’re saying; you people speak gibberish. If you want to be smart like us in America you need to listen when I speak.”

Me: *speaking slower* “Yes, we are based in the UK. I do understand; if I can take your ZIP code I can search for your—”

Customer: *Interrupting* “I went to London once. I went to Sloane Street. You people are fools who speak gibberish.”

Me: “Well, I’m sorry you feel that way. Like I said if you’d like me to help I—”

Customer: “Can you just take my card details?!”

(This goes on for a while. Eventually she gives me her ZIP code and her details are unsurprisingly not on our system. She is unhappy to give me the rest of her details but eventually does whilst consistently insisting I only need her card details. Eventually I get to the point where I search for the product she wants to order.)

Me: “Unfortunately, I can see that we are currently out of stock of that item and would take about three weeks to make more.”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before!” *again, we had had no previous call*

Me: “Well, we can still make it for you but—”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before!”

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t know why you would have been told otherwise but—”

Customer: “I wasn’t told this before! Stop talking gibberish! I wasn’t told this before!”

(This continues for a while. Eventually she agrees to place the order on back order and I finally take her card details.)

Me: “Oh, unfortunately, your payment has failed to go through.”

Customer: *in a very matter of fact tone* “Well, it wouldn’t. My daughter cancelled my card.”

(I pause for a moment.)

Customer: “Well, how can you sort this out for me?”

Me: “I can’t take payment from a cancelled card, I’m afraid. If you have another I can—”

Customer: “Why can’t you? Why won’t you help me? Un-cancel my card!”

Me: “I can’t; you’d need to speak to your bank.”

Customer: “My bank is [American Bank] and their number is [their number].”

Me: “I couldn’t speak to them. You would…”

(Customer interrupts me and proceeds to give me all her bank’s security details, despite my protests that she shouldn’t tell me. And then she gives me her daughter’s contact details as well to convince her to reactivate the card.)

Me: “Miss [Customer], I’m really very sorry but due to many data protection laws I couldn’t possibly—”

Customer: “I don’t think you are from Sloane Street. I think you must be from Kings Cross or Convent Garden.”

(The customer seemed to have an absolute fit when I explained I wasnot in London. She continued to insist I reactivate her card for a good while and then eventually called me unhelpful and useless, then hung up. These calls normally take about three-four minutes. I was on this call for over half an hour.)

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 50
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 49
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 48

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Throwing Dirt Until It Sticks

| ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(We have six self-checkouts. It’s a busy day and five machines are in use as one is broken, and I have a line of about five people. A customer approaches me from the entrance.)

Customer: “Can I get some of the dirt that’s outside?”

(It’s spring, so we sell 10 lb bags of topsoil which are all outside.)

Me: “No problem. If you’ll just get in line, we can ring that through for you.”

Customer: “Can you just ring them through for me?”

Me: “I don’t have a register to do so at the moment, but if you’ll just get in line I’ll help you as soon as I’m able.”

(The customer gets into the express line next to mine. This isn’t a problem: all checkouts have the PLU for the dirt written down and most cashiers have it memorized regardless. After a few minutes, he gets out of the slowly growing express line to approach me again.)

Customer: “Do I need to bring in a bag of dirt to scan or something?”

Me: “No, you don’t. We have codes at every register so you don’t need to. Just tell her what you want and she’ll be able to do it no problem.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you just ring me through?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I don’t have a register to do that for you. If you’ll just get in a line up, any cashier will able to do it for you when it’s your turn.”

Customer: “So you can just ring me through here?”

Me: “I can’t ring you through at the moment, no, but if you’ll get in line, when you have a machine I can put the dirt onto your order.”

Customer: “So can’t you just ring me through now?”

(This goes back and forth about five times in total before he gets back into the express line.)

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