Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

No Point Crying Over Spilled Milk Chocolate

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid

Customer: “How much is that?” *pointing to case*

Me: “I’m sorry, which piece?”

Customer: “The dark chocolate.”

(We have about ten dark chocolate choices.)

Me: “Oh, did you mean [product].”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Well they’re fifty dollars a pound and each piece usually is about two dollars.”

Customer: “Fifty dollars each?!”

Me: “No, that’s for a pound. A individual is around two dollars; we weigh each individually.”

Customer: “Well, how many are in a pound?”

Me: “20-25, depending on weight.”

Customer: “How much would that be?”

Me: “For a pound, that would be fifty.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll just get these then.”

(She picks out a product where she has a choice of milk or dark or white chocolate.)

Me: “Okay would you like milk, dark, or white?”

Customer: “Hmm, I’ll go with milk.”

(I start to pick the milk.)

Customer: “No, I wanted the milk one!”

(I handed her the white chocolate and made the transaction and then lost all faith in humanity.)

Their Intelligence Is At Death’s Door

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid

(I walk up to the doors to go inside a store. I notice the regular automatic doors are marked as OUT OF SERVICE so I use the old-fashioned, manual doors. When I get inside I notice there is someone on a ladder working on the automatic doors, hence the reason they are out of order. After watching the worker for a while I see some confused customers trying to come in through the obviously closed automatic doors.)

Me: *to the worker* “You’d think they’d never used regular doors before.”

Worker: “You’d be surprised at how many people I’ve seen just leave because the automatic doors were out of order.”

Me: “Sadly… probably not.”

The Book Isn’t Shady Enough

| NV, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

(I work in the book department of a thrift store.)

Customer: “Do you have ‘Eleven Shades of Grey’?”

Me: “Right here, and it comes with thirty-nine more shades free!”

Monitoring (Lack Of) Progress, Part 2

| TX, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Popular

(I am one of the customers in this story. I’m waiting behind an elderly gentleman at the customer service counter, to pick up something I ordered online. As I’m watching him, he has a monitor but nothing else on the counter, and I’m bracing for a long wait as I fear he’s about to complain about the ‘computer.’ Sure enough…)

Elderly Gentleman: “This piece of trash isn’t working! It has too many cords and when I plug it into the wall it just says something some stupid signal cable.”

Cashier: “Did you plug it up to the computer tower?”

Elderly Gentleman: “What the f*** do you mean ‘computer tower.’ This is the computer!”

Cashier: “No, sir, this is just a monitor.”

Elderly Gentleman: *suddenly yelling* “NO, THAT’S THE COMPUTER! YOU A**HOLES ARE ALWAYS TRYING TO SELLING ME S*** I DON’T NEED LIKE THE BIG BOX.”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but this just allows you to be able to see what you are telling the comp—”

Elderly Gentleman: “JUST GET ME THE F****** REFUND ALREADY!”

Cashier: Do you have the box it came in?”

Elderly Gentleman: “NO!”

Cashier: “Then, I cannot do that. I’m s—”

Elderly Gentleman: “GET ME YOUR MANAGER!”

Cashier: *on the overhead* “[Manager] to Customer Service. [Manager] to Customer Service.”

(Seeing no way around this, I decide to try something that helped my granny understand the basics of the computer.)

Me: “Um… excuse me.”

Elderly Gentleman: “WAIT YOUR TURN!”

Me: “I’m actually wanting to help with you something.”

Elderly Gentleman: *scoffing* “Oh, really, like you could.”

Me: “Listen, I know your problem. My grandmother had the same thing.”

Elderly Gentleman: “Oh, did she now. These a**holes trying get her to buy more than she needed and selling junk?”

Me: “No, sir, she didn’t understand how it worked. You see a computer is a little like a TV: If you get a TV by itself, no converter box, no cable, no nothing, what do you usually get?”

Elderly Gentleman: “Snow.”

(At this point another employee arrives.)

Me: “Right, now when you add a cable box to it what do you get?”

(At this point, I can see the gears turning in his mind.)

Elderly Gentleman: “You get the channels and shows?”

Me: “Yes. Now replace the TV with this—” *I point to the monitor* “—and the cable box with the ‘big box’ and you have the similar thing.”

Elderly Gentleman: “But why the h*** are the big boxes so d*** much?”

Me: “Because they are more than just a receiver. They can also connect to other big boxes, they can play CDs, and do other things. Plus the big boxes are able to be used to do more than up, down, left, and right.”

Elderly Gentleman: “Oh! Hang on? The black boxes connecting to others, is that what that blue ‘E’ is for?”

(I nod as I realize a third employee join the group along with others, making me a little nervous. Thankfully the third employee starts to take over, keeping up with my comparisons. When I start to turn to the cashier and the second employee…)

Me: “Ummm… sorry… about that. Though, I’m here to pick up an order.”

(I show them my ID and order # but find that I’ve been handed a gift card, too.)

Me: “I didn’t ask for a card.”

Employee #2: “No, take it, and please fill out an application online. Include [Manager] in the notes. We’ve been needing help with exactly what you did.”

Me: “Thanks, but no thanks on the gift card. I will, however, do the application.”

(I did get hired on a few weeks later and have been commended on my ways to help customers understand computers. Though, that elderly gentleman is still my top customer.)

Related:
Monitoring (Lack Of) Progress

Giving Them The 101 On The 202

| CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(At my work, when we give the customer the receipt, there is a number on the top. We can either call out the food items or the number. I have an order ready on a tray and am going to call it out.)

Me: “Two egg muffins and a hash brown!”

Customer #1: “Is this number 202?”

Me: “I’m not sure. Is this what you ordered?”

Customer #1: “But is it number 202?”

(Sometimes if it’s a small order, I will just call out the food item(s). I walk back to the monitor and look up this order and it is number 202.)

Me: “Yes, it is 202.”

Customer #1: “That was to go.”

(The customer walks away and I get a bag and place the food into it. I call it out again.)

Me: “Number 202, two egg muffins and a hash brown.”

Customer #2: “Is this number 305? Breakfast platter and four hash browns?”

Me: “No, two egg muffins and one hash brown.”

Customer #1: “Is this 202?”

Me: “Yes, sir, two egg muffins and a hash brown. 202.”

(I had to walk away for a few minutes after that. This happens on a daily basis.)

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