Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Their Selfishness Is Stronger Than Their Math

| UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

Me: “We are offering a voucher for £10 off for anyone who donates to charity today. You can also use that voucher in your current purchase.”

Customer: “How much would I have to donate?”

Me: “We ask for a minimum of £1.”

Customer: “£1? What a rip-off! No, I’ll just stick with what I have.”

Me: “Okay, that’s £24.99, please.”

(She paid and left, looking happy with herself. It was surprising how many people weren’t willing to take a reduction of £9 because £1 of it went to charity.)

Your Knowledge Has Run A’foal

| USA | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

(I am volunteering at a horse rescue and on the day of the open house fundraiser. I am stationed in front of a few stables to talk about the individual horses and make sure guests aren’t behaving too aggressively with the animals.)

Me: “This is DJ. He’s 15 years old and was rescued from an abandoned farm when he was just a foal. He’s been livi—”

Guest #1: *interrupting* “What? He was a different animal when you found him?”

Me: “No, ma’am, a foal is a baby horse.”

Guest #1: “Do you think I’m stupid? I know a baby horse is a pony. A foal sure ain’t a pony.”

Me: “Well, actually, ponies are just a small breed of horse; the actual name of a baby horse is a foal.”

(The guest looks down at her daughter and tells her, very clearly, that I don’t know what I’m talking about.)

Child: “My mommy says you’re stupid.”

Me: “I’m very sorry she feels that way.” *addressing the crowd as a whole again* “Anyway, DJ was brought here as a foal—”

Guest #2: *interrupting* “Wait, didn’t we just determine that foals aren’t real?”

Me: “Again, foals are very real. Ponies are as well. Ponies are a breed of horse; foals are baby horses. A baby pony is a foal.”

Guest #1: “Gee, I don’t know what this place is paying you, but they should save their money for someone who actually knows what they’re talking about.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m a volunteer.”

Guest #1: “Oh, so that’s why you don’t know. You’re just here for the cake.”

(Guest #1 and her daughter walk away, leaving me slightly dumbfounded. About 20 minutes later, my barn manager walks over to me.)

Manager: “I received a complaint you were spreading false information.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I was unaware that foals don’t exist and ponies are actually just baby horses.”

Manager: “There’s a reason you’re the volunteer and she’s not. You can take your break now. Go and get yourself a slice of cake.”

Too Tight For An Extra Night

| Reading, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals, Time

(I run a dog-walking and pet care business and as part of this, offer a live-in pet sit service where I stay in customer’s houses whilst they’re away. One of my regular dog walking customers is texting me asking about the live-in service.)

Customer: “Hi, [My Name]. Are you available to pet sit from the 7th-11th November and how much would that be, please?”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m fine to do those dates for you. Pet sits are £30 per day or part of, so it’ll be £150 in total for the five days. The price includes one walk a day but if you’d like any extra walks I’m happy to do these and they’re charged at the normal daily rate.”

Customer: “Okay, that’s fine, thanks. Can you arrive about 9 am on the Monday and leave at 5 pm on the Saturday, please? I’ll transfer the £150 to you tonight.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. Could you just confirm the dates for me, as in your first text you asked me to do the 7th-11th but in your last text you asked me to stay until the Saturday which is the 12th. I’m fine to stay until the 12th if you need me to but it’ll count as another day so the cost will be £180 in total.”

Customer: “No, we want you to do the Monday to Friday, including the Friday night. So the 7th-11th, which you said was £150.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. If you want me to stay the Friday night as well, then this counts as me staying on the Saturday, which is an extra day, so it will be £180. Pet-sits are charged per day or part of so this would be six days in total.”

Customer: “I just want you to stay until the Friday but do Friday night as well. How is that an extra day?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, [Customer]. I’m not sure how much clearer I can make it. If a customer asks me to stay until a certain day then that is the day I would expect to leave the pet sit so if you ask me to do until Friday then that is the day I’d be leaving. If you want me to do Friday night as well then you’re asking me to stay Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday at your house, which is six days in total. Six days at £30 a day comes to a total of £180.”

Customer: “I don’t understand why that counts as six days. And he’d only get one walk? He normally gets walked three times a day so it seems very unfair on him!”

Me: “As I said in my earlier text I’m more than happy to do extra walks for you but these would be charged at the normal daily rates which would depend on how long a walk you’d like.”

Customer: “That just seems extortionate. I guess he’ll just have to make do with one walk a day that week I guess. I might find out how much [Company #1] or [Company #2] charges for live in jobs then, as I still don’t understand why you’re charging me for six days when I only want you to stay until the Friday.”

Me: “Hi, [Customer]. I’m sorry if my prices seem unfair but that’s how much it’ll be. I know that [Company #1] charges £35 per day or part of so would be £210 for the six days. [Company #2] charges per night rather than per day but they charge £40 per night so it would be £200 for the five nights. Both companies also only include one walk per day in their prices. If you prefer to have more walks, then [Company #3] offers an unlimited pet sit service where they won’t leave your dog alone at all for the duration of the pet sit and will walk your dog as much as you like. However, they charge £100 per day so they would charge £600 for the six days. It’s your choice, though, so let me know if you’d like me to book you in or not.”

Customer: “That’s just ridiculous. Don’t worry about the pet sit, then; we’ll cancel the holiday. Just do the normal walks for [Dog] that week, please.”

(I later found out that they had to pay cancellation fees as they’d already booked the flights and hotel for that week before contacting me. They also still paid me to go in and walk their dog every day the week they should have been away which cost them £50 as normal. All this to avoid paying an extra £30 for one more night’s pet sit!)

Lettuce Tell You What You’re Doing Wrong

| CO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Me: “What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Uh… I think I want a burrito.”

Me: “Okay. What kind of rice and beans in there?”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian? I can’t eat meat.”

(This didn’t seem too strange to me, because some people do make beans with a bit of meat in them. I tell her that the only things on the line that aren’t vegetarian friendly are the meats.)

Customer: “Ok… is the chicken vegetarian?”

Me: “No…”

Customer: “Is that, what is it, steak? Vegetarian?”

Me: “Again, none of our meats are vegetarian. But I can put some grilled vegetables in if you like.”

Customer: “Are they vegetarian?”

Me: “Yes.”

(She then proceeds to ask about every single thing on the line. I kept trying to reiterate that everything else on the line is, indeed, vegetarian. She kept asking anyway. Thinking she might be trying to mess with me, I decide to see if she’s calling my bluff or not.)

Customer: “Is the lettuce vegetarian?”

Me: “No.”

(It actually is, since it was literally just chopped lettuce. But the customer doesn’t miss a beat.)

Customer: “Okay, then I don’t want any of that. Is the cheese vegetarian?”

(That may have been the longest order I had to fill. She was a nice girl, though. I guess she just had no idea what vegetarianism was.)

A Series Of Unfortunate Questions

| ID, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

Patron: “Do you have Miss Peregrine’s Series of Unfortunate Events?”

Me: “That’s actually two separate book series: Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children and A Series of Unfortunate Events.” *checks computer* “The first Miss Peregrine book is checked out, but the second and third are available, and we have all the books in A Series of Unfortunate Events.”

Patron: “I’ll take the second book, and I’ll take all the ‘Series of Unfortunate Events’ books.”

Me: “All right, let me show you where they are.”

(I take the patron to the shelves and pull the first book, then show him where the ‘Unfortunate Events’ series is located.)

Me: “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

Patron: “Do you have ‘Miss Peregrine’ on DVD?”

Me: “Unfortunately, it hasn’t been released on DVD yet. We can put you on hold for it, though.”

Patron: “Oh, okay… We have a VCR; do you have it on VHS?”

Me: “Um… no. I don’t think it’s going to be released on VHS.”

Patron: “Oh, okay… So do I read Series of Unfortunate Events before or after Miss Peregrine?”

Me: *realizes I’m not dealing with the brightest light in the harbor* “Actually, they’re two separate series by two different authors. Series of Unfortunate Events has nothing to do with Miss Peregrine.”

Patron: “Oh, so they’re like sequels?”

Me: “No. They’re two different book series. One has nothing to do with the other.”

Patron: “So, it’s like another season of the show?”

Me: “No, they’re completely separate book series. They don’t have the same characters or the same story or anything. They’re two. Separate. Stories.”

Patron: “Oh… so which one do I read first? Which is the sequel?”

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