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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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Wants No Souvenir Of Your Time Together

| Edinburgh, Scotland, UK | Extra Stupid, Popular

(I work in a very large tourist souvenir shop. It’s a slow day and while my three coworkers watch the empty shop I’m at the top of a ladder, arms full of merchandise, when I feel a tap on my leg.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Can you help me?”

Me: *a bit annoyed that she chose the only busy employee, but cheerful anyway* “Of course, ma’am. Just give me a moment to put everything down and climb down from this ladder.”

Customer: *without waiting* “I need a souvenir.”

Me: “Well, you’ve come to the right place. That’s all we sell! Do you have anything in particular in mind?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Okay, well, I can help you find something to fit your needs. Is it for yourself or someone else?”

Customer: “I need souvenir.”

Me: “Yes, I understand that. Is it for a child or an adult?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Okay… Do you want something decorative or something you can use every day?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “Well, let’s start with a price point and narrow it down from there. How much would you like to spend?”

Customer: “I don’t know. Why won’t you help me?”

Me: “Ma’am, we have nearly one thousand items in this shop, ranging in price from 50p to hundreds of pounds. Can you give me any parameters or interests that would help me to point you in the right direction?”

Customer: “I need a souvenir.”

Me: *internal facepalm* “How about I just show you our most popular items? Over here we have keychains, coasters, and mugs with [Iconic Image] on them. If you want something made locally we have really lovely handmade scarves and soaps which make excellent presents. If that’s too pricey or you need something easy to pack, the wall to your left has over 200 postcards for you to choose from. We also sell matting at the far end of the shop if you decide you’d like to mount a postcard as a decoration. Have a browse, and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask me or another member of staff.”

Customer: “Well, you’re no help at all!” *storms off*

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Brain-Fried

| Dallas, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The office building where I work has a deli in the basement. I’m standing in line behind a coworker. It is my coworker’s turn to order.)

Deli Attendant: “May I help you?”

Coworker: “Yes. Is there chicken in the chicken fried rice?”

Deli Attendant: “…”

Me: *to coworker* “Seriously?”

Coworker: “Yeah, that’s not what I meant to say. I don’t know what I wanted to ask.”

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MRI: Moronically Resisting Information

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology, Trigger Story

(I work in an outpatient medical imaging facility where we do MRIs, X-rays, ultrasounds, etc. Every exam we do must be ordered by a physician. These physicians oftentimes don’t know the machinery like we do and sometimes answer their patients’ questions incorrectly. For reference: an MRI machine is a long tube with both ends being open. An open MRI machine is open on three sides and is easier for claustrophobic patients to handle. This patient calls in with some questions before her exam.)

Patient: “My doctor told me your machine was an open MRI.”

Me: “I’m sorry; he was mistaken. Our machine is the regular tube-like kind.”

Patient: “But he said it was open!”

Me: *knowing this doctor knows our machine is not the open kind* “I’m sorry, but it’s not. I don’t know why he would have told you that.”

Patient: “I’m severely claustrophobic! I can’t be in a tube!”

Me: “I understand. I’d recommend talking to your doctor about taking some kind of sedation. Most of our claustrophobic patients can get through their exam when they’ve taken a mild sedative beforehand. Your doctor would need to prescribe that for you.”

Patient: “But he said it was an open MRI!”

Me: “Yes… I understand he said that, but I’m sorry. It’s not.”

Patient: “I’m claustrophobic! I can’t go in that little tube!”

Me: “You could go to [Local Hospital] and have your MRI there. They can do complete sedation, which is unfortunately something we do not offer. Again, you would need to talk to your doctor about that.”

Patient: “But he specifically told me your machine was an open MRI! I can’t do the tube!”

(We go on in circles like this for a few minutes, she saying her doctor told her our machine was open and me reiterating that it isn’t. Finally, I get fed up.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’re not going to make you have this exam. If you feel you can’t handle our machine, we are not going to force you to get into it. I’ve told you it is not an open MRI and I’ve given you several options for handling your claustrophobia during the exam. I don’t know what it is you want me to do.”

Patient: “My doctor said your machine is an open MRI!”

Me: *head-desk*

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!