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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

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If It Scans, It Fits

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work at a public library and I am working by myself for a few hours.)

Patron: “I want to use a computer.”

Me: “Okay, just scan your library card at the PC reservation computer behind you and it will assign you to a computer.”

(Twenty minutes later I am super busy helping other patrons. I notice she is standing there looking confused.)

Patron: “I scanned my card. Now what?”

Me: “Okay,  it should have assigned you to a computer. Did you see what number you were assigned?”

(The patron shakes her head, because of course she didn’t.)

Me: “Let me check to see which one you’re on.”

(I looked on the computer and saw no reservation. The patron proceeded to show me that she scanned her card on the photo scanner and uploaded it to the computer used for the photo scanning machine, not the PC reservation computer with the barcode scanner. This woman figured out a freaking photo scanner but couldn’t understand how to use the barcode scanner to reserve a computer.)

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Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 14

, | Houston, TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Popular, Technology

(I work for a large cell phone provider.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Cell Phone Provider]. This is [My Name]. How may I assist you today?”

Caller: “Yes. Every time my phone rings and I try to answer it, my phone shuts off. It happens every time.”

Me: “Well, that is pretty odd. Let me see if I can figure out what the issue with your handset is.”

(After spending almost an hour trying to look up account info and diagnose what could possibly be wrong with this woman’s phone with no luck, I am about to give up and replace the phone.)

Me: “So that I can write up in your account what exactly is happening so we can replace your phone, what button are you pushing when trying to answer the phone?”

Caller: “The ‘Push When Ringing’ button.”

Me: “I’m sorry, which button?”

Caller: “’Push When Ringing.’ You know? P-W-R.”

Me: “I think I know the problem…”

Related:
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 13
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 12
Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11

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Edith You Are, Or You Aren’t

| PA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Trigger Story

(I work in a second-hand bookstore where we purchase items from customers. I’m currently working at the buy counter where I have two separate customers, both females. An older lady brought her items in a bag (“Edith”) while the second middle-aged lady (“Anne”) brought hers in a box. They shop the store while I look through their items and I page them over the PA system once their offer is ready.)

Me: “Edith, your offer is ready at the buy counter. Edith.”

Customer: *approaches* “Hello.”

Me: *recognizes her as one of the two ladies, but I am terrible at remembering faces* “Hi! Miss Edith?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “All right, your offer is [amount] today.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Okay, so I’ll just have you sign this piece of paper once it prints, Miss Edith—”

Customer: “Can I have my box back?”

Me: *a little alarmed, as I’m currently working on the box* “Oh, wait, so these books are yours?” *points to the books from the box*

Customer: Yes.

Me: “Ah, sorry, Miss Edith! It seems that I had mixed you two up! Give me a moment to look you up in the system so I can re-enter your correct offer.” *does so* “Good thing you’re the only ‘Edith,’ otherwise this would be a long search!” *quickly finishes the buy* “Okay, your correct offer is [different amount].”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: *hands her the slip of paper to sign* “Okay, please sign here—”

Customer: *looks at slip* “This isn’t my name.”

Me: “…Oh. Well, I had paged for ‘Edith’ before and asked you if you were ‘Edith.'”

Customer: “It sounded like ‘Ann.'”

Me: *thinking* “IN WHAT UNIVERSE?!”

 

Dear readers! This story was originally submitted without a title, to encourage you to come up with a witty submission yourselves. After considering the many amazing suggestions in the comments section, we have come up with the title above. Thank you all for participating; we had a blast reading them!

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Trying To Tip You Over The Edge

| NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Popular

(I work at a popular spa, and we frequently get customers in to buy gift cards.)

Me: “Hi! Welcome to [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes, I want to buy a gift card for a prenatal massage. I have a $10 off coupon.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. So you now you just owe $64 instead of $74 since you gave me your coupon.”

Customer: “Okay, can I add tip onto there, too?”

Me: “Sure, no problem. How much could I put on here for you?”

Customer: “Better make it $20.”

(I ring her out, and charge her $64 for the gift card and another $20 for the pre-paid tip so now she owes a total of $84.)

Me: “Okay, great. Your total is $84. How would you like to pay for that?”

Customer: “Wait, why am I being charged $84? You just said the massage is only $64.”

Me: “Yes, but you added $20 on for tip, so that equals $84.”

Customer: “But the massage is $64.”

Me: “Yes. You added $20 for tip. All together that is $84.”

Customer: “But I gave you a coupon.”

Me: “Yes… which brought down the pre-natal massage total down to $64 instead of $74. You then added tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves. About ten minutes later, I see her walking back into my store:)

Customer: “Excuse me, I just bought this gift card for a pre-natal massage and I was charged $84 instead of $64, why?”

Me: “Yes… you added $20 tip.”

Customer: “But why was I charged $84?”

Me: “…You were charged $64 for the massage on the gift card, and then you added $20 onto the gift card as a pre-paid tip.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(She leaves again. About 20 minutes later, we get a call at the spa.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name] at [Spa]. How may I help you?”

Same Customer: “Hi, I just bought a gift card from you guys and I bought it for $64. I just looked at my receipt and it says I was charged $84. Why?”

Me: *sighs*

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 55

| Mexico | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work for a telecommunications company in the billing department. We usually get calls about promotions and gift cards sent to customers as flyers. The card is made out of paper and is just for promotion, so they have no value.)

Me: “Hello and thanks for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Yes, today I received a gift card and want to know how to use it.”

(While the card has no name on it, it can be used at locations to pay for purchases.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, you can use it to pay at stores, but not online since the card is not personalized and does not have a name or address attached to it.”

Customer: “No, no, I mean, how can I start using it?”

Me: “You mean to activate it? We would just have to speak with the gift card department and they can take the number and have it ready for you in a few minutes.” *feeling, however, that she is a bit doubtful about the card itself* “May I ask what the number is?”

Customer: “1234 5678 9100 0000.”

Me: “Ma’am, that is not a card. It is just a flyer that informs you that if you sign up with us, you can be eligible for a card of that value.”

Customer: “But it says I have $200! I want to have the money. Activate it now!”

Me: *feeling that it will just go downhill from here on* “Ma’am, the card is made out of paper and no business will take it as a payment method. Even the number is invalid since no card starts with a 1, or has a number that easy to guess.”

(The customer rambles for a few seconds and says we are all a bunch of scammers and that she would contact every news channel as well as the police to have us arrested before hanging up.)

Me: *to Coworker* “Am I supposed to travel to the U.S. to be arrested? Or shall I wait for them to come get me?”

Coworker: “I only want to see the news: Woman can’t distinguish card from paper flyer.”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 54
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 53
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 52

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